Customer Reviews

Backtalk: 4 Steps to Ending Rude Behavior in Your Kids

5 star:		(44)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

If you have young children (under 14) who 'talk back' to you, you may find this book to be of some help in undoing what can feel like a hopeless battle. My own 9-year old began talking back when he got into first grade, picking up snappy statements from TV and peers. I tried to excuse it at first as just the way modern kids talk to modern parents (I have offspring as old as 32, all boys, who never talked back this way).

After deciding this really was unacceptable behavior, and recognizing that left unattended it was getting worse, I started taking steps to stop it. This book has been one of the aids (not the solution). It doesn't expect the parent to make a friend or equal of the child (rationalize, debate, etc.), but it also doesn't encourage setting up a dictatorship. As with many things, the solution to problems is sometimes in the difficult to maintain moderation arena, which actually requires more work by the parent.

I like this book because it worked - despite being difficult to do at first, once the child gets the message, repeat performances are rare and easy to stop. The book itself is short and to the point, with just four simple steps to follow. They are common sense - I suspect most of us who have this problem will recognize them - but busy, often-stressed parents will appreciate the gentle support and reminders this book offers.

1) Recognize what is and isn't backtalk. (if it hurts, embarrasses, annoys you, its backtalk. If the child is just relaying his feelings about something, its an opinion) 2) Choose an appropriate consequence (unlike 'punishment', a consequence is a result that makes sense to the child) 3) Enact the consequence 4) Disengage from the struggle with the backtalker (don't take it personally, or you're doomed).

Sounds so simple you want to click the "this review wasn't helpful button?" It IS simple -- so simple we forget, so simple it seems to good to be true. The hard parts of these steps are #3 and #4. No book can give you the solution, but books can offer help and reminders.

There are details in the book that I still find helpful -- the backtalk has pretty much stopped -- all I have to do is remind my son now that "backtalk isn't allowed" and he immediately stops.

In addition, there are short chapters for backtalk from Adult Children (!), from Children in College, for Single Parents specifically, and Backtalk in the Media. There is a bit of information on support groups and other resources (not a lot), plus ideas on starting your own support group, as well as a chapter dedicated to responding to people who disagree with the methods in this book.

This book teaches adults how to teach children in their lives not to speak rudely to others. It is amazing to realize how early some children learn to backtalk, and how quickly you can break them of that habit (the sooner the better!) The book tells you how to recognize the difference between rude backtalk and requests for topics of conversation (sometimes the difference can be hazy.) It also shows you how to immediately enact a consequence so that the child is told unequivocally that their behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. This book has no room for "IF you do this again, I will do this..." It jumps right in with both feet - "BECAUSE you were rude and that makes me feel bad/sad/angry, I don't feel like doing this nice thing that I had said I would do for you." When the child sees immediate consequences, he learns very quickly and the behavior can be eliminated within a few weeks. This book is straightforward and exceedingly helpful for adults who interact with children of all ages.

it is very rudimentary. I would like more emphasis on what's needed beyond insisting on respect. If the parents don't model respect for others and themselves, the child won't have any idea what it looks like.

I have used the methods in this book successfully, but slightly modified for my 5 year old daughter so that she won't feel broadsided by consequences before she knows what's expected of her. I tell her first when she's nearing a boundary, and she's eager to learn the rules.

This book DOES give concrete advice about what to do when it feels as if there's nothing you can do. I recommended it to any thoughtful parent who feels guilty about having to set limits.

I read the book in one afternoon and immediately put the suggestions to work. My 3 1/2 year back-talker caught on immediately. Within 3 days, her behavior had changed. No more arguing, no more back-talk, no more negotiating, no more hysterics and temper-tantrums. The recommended method in this book doesn't mean you have to become a monster. Most of my time with my children is full of loving cuddling time with lots of hugs, kisses, praises and self-esteem building encouragement. My husband continues with our old ineffective method of discipline. As such, my daughter continues to argue with him and back-talks to him.

I read this book in one sitting recently - it's short and an easy read. I started using some of the recommended techniques that same day with our kids and they do work. Yes, they are simple, and most of them are things I already knew about setting boundaries - but sometimes it's helpful to have reminders and specific examples! I've used the techniques with other rude people as well, and while they're generally shocked to hear someone say "I will not interact with you if you will not be civil" it does work. Rudeness is, unfortunately, rampant in our society - this book should be required reading for anyone who's unhappy about it.

This book was quite a quick read. It was direct and thorough and gave so many scenarious that I deal with on a day to day basis. I am implementing the program and already after the third day I have seen improvements in my childrens' behavior. I have a two year old boy and a five year old girl and both of them have become quite the backtalkers! I really needed this book as I was at my wits end on how to deal with this behavior. It gave me other options rather than just a time out which really never corrected the behavior. I highly recommend this book to every parent. Most importantly, carefully select appropriate programming for your children as they learn lots of rude behavior from their daily television shows they watch on tv.

Practical ideas for solving a common problem. Works especially well with pre-teens. Worth a read. I'd also recommend: Kid Cooperation (How to Stop Yelling Nagging and Pleading) by Elizabeth Pantley

This book was very informative and easy to read. The 4 step program is easy to follow and impliment into our daily life. My 6 year old stepson has really started to use backtalk since having to have longer residentail visits with his mother and starting school. I plan on having his mother read this and try to impliment the 4 steps in their routine too. It is a very fair way to deal with him and his "generation". With all of the outside forces guiding him and his peers towards rude bahavior, parents need to take a more firm stand to take control of their own homes and lives. We were made parents for a reason... to guide and mold our children, not the other way around. It is hard to keep up with the enforcing of the epunishment but it only took a few times for my son to realize I ment what I said and would follow through. I look forward to having this book on hand for when my toddler daughter takes her first step towards backtalking. I feel more confident as a parent and better equiped to handle any backtalking situation that arrises. My thanks go out to Mrs. Ricker & Crowder for an informative and helpful book.

After a miserable Christmas vacation with kids squabbling and backtalking, I found this book on Amazon and ordered it. As soon as I got it, I began to put its principles into practice and immediately saw a difference in my kids. Our home life is calmer and more loving. I feel more respected and worthy of respect. Backtalk is based on the work of Rudolf (?) Dreikurs. I had taken a childrearing course and read other materials based on Dreikurs' ideas, so I was somewhat familiar with the ideas of natural and logical consequences. But this book, addressing a specific childrearing issue, makes the methodology simple to understand and put into practice. Highly recommended.

This book has been very helpful to me both with my children at home and with my students in the classroom. It has an excellent section on the effects of the media on behaviors of children. One thing that it did not emphasize enough, though, is that parents and teachers must earn respect from children--they are not automatically entitled to respect simply by being in a teaching position or by giving birth to a child. This program will not work for any teacher or parent who is rude, critical, sarcastic, hostile and/or disrespectful to children.