"Halfway through the service our minister asked the congregation a question. ‘For you,’ he asked, ‘what is the most important thing in the world?’ Liz and I answered more or less simultaneously. My reply was very proper and holy for a change. ‘Salvation!’ I cried piously. ‘Bacon sandwiches!’ suggested Liz, with all the passion and wisdom you would expect from a retired magistrate and area schools advisor for religious education. Yes, I thought to myself. Of course. Bacon sandwiches and salvation. That just about sums it up. A God who can create the indescribable tastiness of a bacon sandwich must be planning something pretty incredible in the salvation line." (excerpt from Bacon Sandwiches and Salvation) Calvinists: Christians whose theology suggests that they might not bother to book their hotel rooms in advance when planning a holiday because they are absolutely convinced that someone else will have done it for them and if they haven’t, there’s no use trying. Grip: term used by some Christians in their salutation at the end of a letter, thus, "Yours in his grip." Suggests that God is in the habit of carrying his followers around in a small leather traveling case. Rock of ages: (1) well known hymn which celebrates the security we find in the eternal love of God (2) music produced by the Rolling Stones
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Book Description
Editorial Reviews
About the Author
Adrian Plass is a writer and speaker who has produced over thirty books in the last twenty years. The best known of these is probably The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass, a gentle satire on the modern church, which has sold hundreds of thousands of copies worldwide. Other books include biography, novels, short stories, a fictionalized account of the author’s experiences as a residential child care worker and collections of poems and sketches. A bemused Anglican, Adrian lives with his wife and daughter in a small market town near the Sussex South Downs in the UK.
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More About the Author
Adrian Plass is one of today's most significant and successful Christian authors, and he has written over thirty books, including his latest, Looking Good Being Bad - the Subtle Art of Churchmanship. Known for his ability to evoke both tears and laughter for a purpose, Plass has been reaching the hearts of thousands for over fifteen years. He lives in Sussex, England with his wife, Bridget, and continues to be a cricket fanatic
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Adrian Plass, Bacon Sandwiches and Salvation: An A-Z of the Christian Life (London, Authentic, 2007)
Reviewed by Rev Dr Darren Cronshaw
In the tradition of The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass, Alien at St Wilfred's and View from a Bouncy Castle, Adrian Plass' new book Bacon Sandwiches and Salvation offers humorous and insightful observations of the life of faith and church.
Most of the book is definitions of aspects of church and faith, from `agape love' (kissing with your mouth open) to `Zap flap' (a small hinged door in the gates of heaven through which dirty stop-out believers or angels can find their way back in after midnight).
It made me laugh many times, and smile all the more. In the midst of quirky stories and humorous anecdotes, he made me ponder and question my approach to witness, worship, the Third World, parenting and friendships. It got me thinking afresh about how I view the gospel and God and the way God loves people with a passion.
It helped me with a few current study projects of mine too on guidance, evangelism and Jesus in the gospels:
Door: means of metaphorical entrance and exit that God appears to spend much of his time frenziedly opening and shutting in the lives of believers who are paralysed without inch-by-inch guidance.
Alpha: Outreach system that has brought thousands to faith, but has left in its wake a small, deeply confused group of people who have mistakenly asked Nicky Gumbel into their lives.
Gospel writers: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Serious historical and theological research strongly suggests that, contrary to popular tradition, it is extremely unlikely that any one of these four significant individuals went to bed with their trousers on.
Here are a handful of other definitions:
A growing time: ghastly phrase used as a verbal sticking plaster to cover over a period of one's life that was so horrible, hopeless and apparently lacking in the presence and power of God that none of the other statutory religious terms will cover it.
Apathy: driving force behind our attitudes to the Third World.
Apple crumble: dish invented to commemorate Eve's temptation and the subsequent fall.
As the Lord leads: fairly common phrase among Christians, meaning `I haven't decided yet'
A word from the Lord: I'm pretty sure I know exactly what you should do, and I shall enjoy exercising power over your life by dressing up my personal opinion as a message from God.
Babylon: what a lot of preachers do
Bangladesh: country where five million children struggle to stay alive every day. Hardly a religious subject. Move on quickly.
Baptist church: denomination in which one senses that there is an awful lot going on under the surface.
Be bold: chorus sung by [English] Christian cricket fans when the Australians are batting. Until recently not a very helpful activity for those who are looking to build up their faith. A different story since 2005!
Behemoth: identification instruction given to a member of the Lepidoptera family by Adam when he was naming the animals.
Benjamite: early form of Israeli yeast extract that you either love or hate.
Can I just say, in love: Brace yourself.
Change: rare phenomenon as far as the church is concerned, except when it comes to the collection. Tends to be fairly limited even then.
Daddy: what the Bible tells us we're allowed to call God, which is a shame when you consider many of his adherents think of him as a jailer, a headmaster, a bank manager, a sadist, a senile old man or a pathetically permissive sort of hippie.
Damnation: Holland
Fellowship: all male cruise
Ham: second son of Noah. A less than perceptive lad, Ham never did catch on to the reason why, throughout the voyage of the ark, he was so nervously avoided by Mr and Mrs Pig.
Holy ground: 1. Area around the burning bush. 2. Brand of coffee we shall all drink in heaven. 3. Old Trafford. 4. Lords.
House church: 1. Church that meets in a school. 2. Church that meets in a factory. 3. Church that meets in a theatre. 4. Church that meets in a shed. 5. Church that meets on a bouncy castle.
Immersion: the lowering of the whole person into water during the sacrament of baptism. As with witches and eggs, the floaters are rejected.
Incarnation: what happens on the [South-Eastern] at most times, on most days
Isaiah: a helpful personal motto for aspirately challenged men to repeat to themselves when confronted with plunging necklines.
Justice: no lemon
Name above all names: aardvark
Noah: What Gaza says when he disagrees
Nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing, nothing is too difficult for Thee!: line of a Christian song which is absolutely true, leaving aside, of course, any question of me having anything to do with my cousin after what he said to me in the late fifties - or was it the early sixties?
Parables: stories that entertain you at the front door while the truth slips in through a side window and sandbags you from behind.
Pillar of the church: 1. Person who is consistent and reliable in their commitment to the well-being of the congregation. 2. Big thick thing that holds everything up and restricts vision.
There is lots of helpful advice for worship leaders
I suddenly really sense the presence of the Lord in this church: God was not able to get there for the beginning of the service, but he's just this moment turned up, so the service can get going now.
Plass also outlines a few new choruses, or variations of old favourites:
The name of the Lord
is a strong tower.
The righteous run into it
and bang their heads
Gone, gone, gone, gone
Yes, every jot of musical discrimination I ever had is gone
Of all the choruses we sing I hate this one
Rip it out of Mission Praise
Shred it with some mayonnaise
Feed it to the goat until the da-a-a-mm thing's gone.
The First World War
The fire of London and the fall
All down to me, to me
For all your woes, in fact for anything at all
Please feel free, to blamed me
Our guilt reigns, our guilt reigns
Our guilt reigns, our guilt reigns
I cannot tell why I allowed my sister
To drag me here to this benighted place
Or why my neighbour's speaking Esperanto
With such a weird expression on his face
But this I know, if that mad preacher picks on me
I shall insert his hand-held microphone
Into a place where all is pain and darkness
And that will be my cue to leave the twilight zone
I did it Yahweh
And can it be, that no one was concerned
When I staggered in with an awkward lurch
If they had asked me they might have learned
I came off my bike on the way to church
My chain came off
I swerved into a tree
I smashed my shin
And grazed my knee
My chain, my chain came off ...
Father God I wonder
Why they bother with a speaker
When they have a worship leader
Who's as wonderful as me.
Now they won't be needing
All that Holy Spirit leading
But they have asked for twenty minutes
But my kind of talent knows no limits
I will sing for ever
I will sing for ever
I will sing for ever, for evermore
I will sing my praises
I will sing my praises
I will sing my praises for evermore
There are also anagrams scattered throughout, such as:
- Denominations - anagram of `not made in Sion'
- Dogma - `go mad'
- Evangelist - `Elvis agent'
- Forgiveness - `serving foes'
- Fundamentalist `I'm a stunted flan' or `snail fed mutant'
- Jimmy Swaggart - `gag my trim jaws'
- Mother Theresa - `heart rest home'
- Prodigal son - `no God spiral'
- Seminar - `remains'
- Theology `o get holy'
- Universalist - `Elvis is a turn' or `salient virus'
I picked up the book for a laugh at the end of a big week, and Jenni and I read sections of it to each other and laughed and laughed. Then we discussed the serious and very human short stories, and the serious implications of Plass' observations.
For those who can see the lighter side of church, who realise faith is a struggle, who know God can be found in laughter as well as doctrine, or if someone you think of as a heretic thinks you need to learn these lessons, this is well worth a read. And it will make you laugh, or at least smile a few times, which is well worth a trip to the bookshop.
Darren is BUV's Coordinator of Leadership Training and most enjoys life and laughter with his wife Jenni, 3 hilarious kids and friends over coffee. This review originally appeared in , Witness: The Voice of Victorian Baptists, No.7 (August 2009), and extended version available in Exclusive Web Content.
Reviewed by Rev Dr Darren Cronshaw
In the tradition of The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass, Alien at St Wilfred's and View from a Bouncy Castle, Adrian Plass' new book Bacon Sandwiches and Salvation offers humorous and insightful observations of the life of faith and church.
Most of the book is definitions of aspects of church and faith, from `agape love' (kissing with your mouth open) to `Zap flap' (a small hinged door in the gates of heaven through which dirty stop-out believers or angels can find their way back in after midnight).
It made me laugh many times, and smile all the more. In the midst of quirky stories and humorous anecdotes, he made me ponder and question my approach to witness, worship, the Third World, parenting and friendships. It got me thinking afresh about how I view the gospel and God and the way God loves people with a passion.
It helped me with a few current study projects of mine too on guidance, evangelism and Jesus in the gospels:
Door: means of metaphorical entrance and exit that God appears to spend much of his time frenziedly opening and shutting in the lives of believers who are paralysed without inch-by-inch guidance.
Alpha: Outreach system that has brought thousands to faith, but has left in its wake a small, deeply confused group of people who have mistakenly asked Nicky Gumbel into their lives.
Gospel writers: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Serious historical and theological research strongly suggests that, contrary to popular tradition, it is extremely unlikely that any one of these four significant individuals went to bed with their trousers on.
Here are a handful of other definitions:
A growing time: ghastly phrase used as a verbal sticking plaster to cover over a period of one's life that was so horrible, hopeless and apparently lacking in the presence and power of God that none of the other statutory religious terms will cover it.
Apathy: driving force behind our attitudes to the Third World.
Apple crumble: dish invented to commemorate Eve's temptation and the subsequent fall.
As the Lord leads: fairly common phrase among Christians, meaning `I haven't decided yet'
A word from the Lord: I'm pretty sure I know exactly what you should do, and I shall enjoy exercising power over your life by dressing up my personal opinion as a message from God.
Babylon: what a lot of preachers do
Bangladesh: country where five million children struggle to stay alive every day. Hardly a religious subject. Move on quickly.
Baptist church: denomination in which one senses that there is an awful lot going on under the surface.
Be bold: chorus sung by [English] Christian cricket fans when the Australians are batting. Until recently not a very helpful activity for those who are looking to build up their faith. A different story since 2005!
Behemoth: identification instruction given to a member of the Lepidoptera family by Adam when he was naming the animals.
Benjamite: early form of Israeli yeast extract that you either love or hate.
Can I just say, in love: Brace yourself.
Change: rare phenomenon as far as the church is concerned, except when it comes to the collection. Tends to be fairly limited even then.
Daddy: what the Bible tells us we're allowed to call God, which is a shame when you consider many of his adherents think of him as a jailer, a headmaster, a bank manager, a sadist, a senile old man or a pathetically permissive sort of hippie.
Damnation: Holland
Fellowship: all male cruise
Ham: second son of Noah. A less than perceptive lad, Ham never did catch on to the reason why, throughout the voyage of the ark, he was so nervously avoided by Mr and Mrs Pig.
Holy ground: 1. Area around the burning bush. 2. Brand of coffee we shall all drink in heaven. 3. Old Trafford. 4. Lords.
House church: 1. Church that meets in a school. 2. Church that meets in a factory. 3. Church that meets in a theatre. 4. Church that meets in a shed. 5. Church that meets on a bouncy castle.
Immersion: the lowering of the whole person into water during the sacrament of baptism. As with witches and eggs, the floaters are rejected.
Incarnation: what happens on the [South-Eastern] at most times, on most days
Isaiah: a helpful personal motto for aspirately challenged men to repeat to themselves when confronted with plunging necklines.
Justice: no lemon
Name above all names: aardvark
Noah: What Gaza says when he disagrees
Nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing, nothing is too difficult for Thee!: line of a Christian song which is absolutely true, leaving aside, of course, any question of me having anything to do with my cousin after what he said to me in the late fifties - or was it the early sixties?
Parables: stories that entertain you at the front door while the truth slips in through a side window and sandbags you from behind.
Pillar of the church: 1. Person who is consistent and reliable in their commitment to the well-being of the congregation. 2. Big thick thing that holds everything up and restricts vision.
There is lots of helpful advice for worship leaders
I suddenly really sense the presence of the Lord in this church: God was not able to get there for the beginning of the service, but he's just this moment turned up, so the service can get going now.
Plass also outlines a few new choruses, or variations of old favourites:
The name of the Lord
is a strong tower.
The righteous run into it
and bang their heads
Gone, gone, gone, gone
Yes, every jot of musical discrimination I ever had is gone
Of all the choruses we sing I hate this one
Rip it out of Mission Praise
Shred it with some mayonnaise
Feed it to the goat until the da-a-a-mm thing's gone.
The First World War
The fire of London and the fall
All down to me, to me
For all your woes, in fact for anything at all
Please feel free, to blamed me
Our guilt reigns, our guilt reigns
Our guilt reigns, our guilt reigns
I cannot tell why I allowed my sister
To drag me here to this benighted place
Or why my neighbour's speaking Esperanto
With such a weird expression on his face
But this I know, if that mad preacher picks on me
I shall insert his hand-held microphone
Into a place where all is pain and darkness
And that will be my cue to leave the twilight zone
I did it Yahweh
And can it be, that no one was concerned
When I staggered in with an awkward lurch
If they had asked me they might have learned
I came off my bike on the way to church
My chain came off
I swerved into a tree
I smashed my shin
And grazed my knee
My chain, my chain came off ...
Father God I wonder
Why they bother with a speaker
When they have a worship leader
Who's as wonderful as me.
Now they won't be needing
All that Holy Spirit leading
But they have asked for twenty minutes
But my kind of talent knows no limits
I will sing for ever
I will sing for ever
I will sing for ever, for evermore
I will sing my praises
I will sing my praises
I will sing my praises for evermore
There are also anagrams scattered throughout, such as:
- Denominations - anagram of `not made in Sion'
- Dogma - `go mad'
- Evangelist - `Elvis agent'
- Forgiveness - `serving foes'
- Fundamentalist `I'm a stunted flan' or `snail fed mutant'
- Jimmy Swaggart - `gag my trim jaws'
- Mother Theresa - `heart rest home'
- Prodigal son - `no God spiral'
- Seminar - `remains'
- Theology `o get holy'
- Universalist - `Elvis is a turn' or `salient virus'
I picked up the book for a laugh at the end of a big week, and Jenni and I read sections of it to each other and laughed and laughed. Then we discussed the serious and very human short stories, and the serious implications of Plass' observations.
For those who can see the lighter side of church, who realise faith is a struggle, who know God can be found in laughter as well as doctrine, or if someone you think of as a heretic thinks you need to learn these lessons, this is well worth a read. And it will make you laugh, or at least smile a few times, which is well worth a trip to the bookshop.
Darren is BUV's Coordinator of Leadership Training and most enjoys life and laughter with his wife Jenni, 3 hilarious kids and friends over coffee. This review originally appeared in , Witness: The Voice of Victorian Baptists, No.7 (August 2009), and extended version available in Exclusive Web Content.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Adrian Plass' ABCs of Faith for Restless Christians Impatient With Pointless Piety
October 13, 2009
Format:Paperback
I'm a fan of Adrian Plass' work, have enjoyed his talks and have interviewed him a number of times over the years. I'm thrilled that other reviewers here are enjoying and recommending his book. I'm highly recommending it as well. But let me clear up a couple of possible misconceptions my reviewing colleagues may have (unintentionally) passed along.
Not all the words have three forms of definition. In fact, most don't. The book is written in the grand literary tradition of Ambrose Bierce's 1911 The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary or Frederick Buechner's Wishful Thinking: A Seeker's ABC. The idea is wisdom through humor.
Adrian is a beloved satirical writer from Britain. He's evangelical to the core of his being--and equally restless with a lot of the pomposity that passes for faith. What drives his life and letters is a faith that moves him to break down all barriers to Christian compassion. Understanding that life's focus, then his razor wit is good fun in slicing away a lot of the baggage that infuriates Christians as much as non-Christians.
The reviewer who says she's uncertain of the accuracy of some of the definitions--well, please don't buy this book hoping for an encyclopedic resource.
I laughed when I read his definition of Leviathan: "long-distance race for Old Testament men wearing jeans." That's a classic Adrian Plass line. But, no, not a shred of truth to the reference.
The book is good fun and the laughter is pure in spirit. It's a nice gift for a Christian friend. Going through the book with a small group also is guaranteed to spark spirited discussion!
Not all the words have three forms of definition. In fact, most don't. The book is written in the grand literary tradition of Ambrose Bierce's 1911 The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary or Frederick Buechner's Wishful Thinking: A Seeker's ABC. The idea is wisdom through humor.
Adrian is a beloved satirical writer from Britain. He's evangelical to the core of his being--and equally restless with a lot of the pomposity that passes for faith. What drives his life and letters is a faith that moves him to break down all barriers to Christian compassion. Understanding that life's focus, then his razor wit is good fun in slicing away a lot of the baggage that infuriates Christians as much as non-Christians.
The reviewer who says she's uncertain of the accuracy of some of the definitions--well, please don't buy this book hoping for an encyclopedic resource.
I laughed when I read his definition of Leviathan: "long-distance race for Old Testament men wearing jeans." That's a classic Adrian Plass line. But, no, not a shred of truth to the reference.
The book is good fun and the laughter is pure in spirit. It's a nice gift for a Christian friend. Going through the book with a small group also is guaranteed to spark spirited discussion!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I wanted this book a while ago. We were supposed to tour it on Non~FIRST when it was still going, but something happened to the publication date. Anyway, I have it now! And it is HYSTERICAL. This may sound a bit gross, but it is the perfect book to put beside the toilet. It is one of those books that you don't read in one sitting. It is meant to be read a little at a time. My 14 year old son snatched it from me and has hogged it ever since. His favorite part was the definition 'Damnation: (1) condemnation to eternal punishment; (2) Holland.'
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
Hiliarious
This book is hilarious. I love British humour and since the author is a retired British magistrate guess what, the humour is British. Read more
Published on August 30, 2009 by Wyn
3.0 out of 5 stars
A Funny Read For A Christian Audience
Adrian Plass' "Bacon Sandwiches and Salvation" is a humorous look at Christianity. The reader's attention will be drawn to the witty title at first, then completely captured by... Read more
Published on August 22, 2009 by Stacey
