Customer Reviews

Bad Childhood---Good Life: How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood

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1 star:		(10)

 

 

Before I purchased and read this book, I was on the fence, "Did I have a bad childhood?" Well the answer is no, I did not, at least not to the extent that others have had bad childhoods, but the lessons taught in this book in fact can help ALL of us to not take things so personally, and to enjoy what life has given us now, as adults. I love Dr. Laura, I don't alway agree with her, but this time she is just trying to help the adults in this country grow up a bit.

I know Dr. Laura has her devotees, as well as her detractors. Just for the record, I'm neutral on her. I picked this book off of the library shelf based upon the title alone and decided to read it in spite of all of the bad press the author receives, and not knowing what to expect.

I was pleasantly surprised. There is no propaganda here, just helpful bits of information and advice not only from Dr. Laura, but from her listeners as well.

How much you personally gleen from this book depends on how far along you are in your healing. I'm pretty far along, but I still found several helpful pearls of wisdom. Some subchapters did not apply to me at all, so I simply skimmed them. Others who are just beginning on their healing journey will probably want to read the whole book, though, and might confuse some of the messages herein. For example, Dr. Laura's message in general is NOT "get over it." But she makes a point that, once you have identified your issues and dealt with them for a time, there is no need to dwell on them forever. Actually, her message is that you can transform the negatives into positives and have a good life in spite of even the most horrific childhoods.

I love Dr. Laura, and I agree with 85% of what she says and writes. This book is phenominal. I especially loved the afterword in which she speaks about her own dysfunctional family and her poor relationships with her immediate family members. A great book for people who want healing from injustices that they need to get over.

In Bad Childhood-Good Life, Dr. Laura encourages her readers to stop letting a bad childhood ruin their lives and their relationships. "There is always a battle between the history and the present," she says.

Dr. Laura uses Carly Simon, her own stories and radio call-ins to help wounded adults, stuck in their past, break free from self-destructive patterns and move on.

Fans of Dr. Laura school will love this book, because it's her best book so far. If you're not a fan, this book probably won't make you one.

I heard about this book on the Today Show when the author was being interviewed by Katie Couric. I ordered the book and reviewed it and found it to be a very helpful resource especially in my work as a psychotherapist. I have already recommended the book to some of my patients and colleagues.

I overheard a conversation between two people talking about Bad Childhood Good Life in my grocery stores book section. It appeared they didn't know each other, but one seemed to be recommending it to the other. This prompted me to go look it up online. Although I wasn't really in the market for a self help book, I must say that I'm glad I got it.
Dr. Laura's approach was one that works for me. I can see by some other reviews that it may not work for everyone, but ultimately I felt that it helped me deal with some things. In my case it wasn't early childhood but the high school years and beyond that were tough. Although no book perfectly suits everyone's personality, there is enough good information in this book that if you are really wanting to better yourself emotionally this will most likely help you.

Although I am the product of divorce and an alcoholic parent, I always considered myself as having had a relatively good childhood. Granted, even after 14 years of marriage to a wonderful man, I still feel as if he's going to find someone else and leave me. It wasn't until I read this book on my mother's recommendation and realized that I was quite effected by my parents divorce, much more so that I had previously thought. While I didn't see myself in all the scenerios Dr. Schlessinger wrote about, I was able to see various aspects of my life, aspects that I am quite unhappy about and am now changing. I found this book helpful to a better understanding of myself and my actions towards others, especially my husband and our children.

I'm not exactly a huge fan of Dr.Laura, but this book sends an excellent message with heart. Dr.Laura's theory of "resilience versus closure" makes perfect sense. Anyone who reads this book and actually applies the information to their personal situation should feel better about their life by the time they're done reading it. In fact, her scale of "Annoying to Evil" continues to help me in various aspects of my life, not just my childhood. This book puts things in perspective, yet lets the reader know that they are not alone in the sea of functioning, (or non-functioning) dysfunction. A must read for any adult who continues to let a "Bad Childhood" keep them from having a "Good Life."

If there is dysfunction in your relationships or any aspect of your life (you, your spouse, children, families of origin), this is a must have, must read book. While not written for a particular type of dysfunction, the advice is cognitive-behavioral based and covers a range of criteria for various disorders found when flipping through a DSM-II (Psychiatric Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).

For example, someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) has difficulty with intimate relationships, anger and depression. Dr. Laura does a good job intimating the changes in thinking and behavior that underlie the path out of these issues. This is not to say that this is a recovery book for BPD or any other mental disorder, but it could easily be a supplement to therapy (the treatment of choice for BPD). Furthermore, if your therapist does not agree with the majority of advice in this book (no one agrees with anyone else 100% of the time), I'd find a new therapist or you'll probably find yourself in therapy for years on end with little to no progress. That is, your therapist is letting you skirt personal responsibility for problems in your life (including skirting personal responsibility for HOW and WHAT you think).

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, or one of its progeny, has become the treatment of choice for a wide range of issues that underlie OCD to drug addiction. Many people get caught up in their emotions and work to change them. This method is backwards. By and large, one's emotions are a byproduct of what or how one thinks. Change your thinking, and your emotions will follow. For example, if you want to be happy (basically an emotion), change how you think, and you will be happy. Often, changing your thinking is simply a paradigm shift (not always, of course...shifts won't do a lot for psychosis). Of course without CONSISTENT APPLICATION of these techniques, no advice or therapy is helpful. Change to a better life never falls on one's head while lounging by the pool, sitting in front of a TV or reading yet another self-help book (your thirtieth). If you don't APPLY these changes, your life will never change, regardless of who and what your spouse, children, parents, the auto mechanic or your neighbor does. That's not to say that if any of these people are abusive/evil (vs. sometimes annoying), you don't need to remove yourself from a connection with them. That's part of taking responsibility for your life/yourself. Sometimes applying these changes in thinking requires enormous effort initially. Withstand the discomfort, frustration and one step backwards after three steps forward! It WILL become easier and effortless with practice and time. All of these life observations and advice are part of this book.

As in most of Dr. Laura's books, a recapitulation or sound bite from a call to her talk radio program is woven throughout the text with added commentary. I believe this is helpful in personalizing the advice, as well as reminding the reader that he or she is "not alone" in their issues.

One thing in particular that I liked about this book vs. books in the same vein by other authors is that Dr. Laura gives better insight into what selfishness and/or self-centeredness is and how to change it (which in the end "gets" you more than being selfish or self-centered). So many books advise one to "get out" and do for others (charity work for example). What self-centered people have been neglecting is not charities, but their own significant others, children, jobs, elderly parents, etc. These are one's primary obligations and responsibilities and the first things/people they should begin "giving to" in order to unlearn selfishness and have a more fulfilling life. I can't imagine that a neglected family is going to see or feel a change in their spouse/parent (or their importance to him/her) when he/she ditches the golf clubs and spends Saturdays and Sundays at the soup kitchen instead of the golf course. Nor would this "window dressing behavior" bring about this spouse/parent feeling more fulfilled, connected or less self-centered. By all means, reduce your "me time" and "me thoughts" and give to others "outside" your primary obligations, but only after you have given to those who are dependent on you or make/have made sacrifices for you.

The last chapter of the book summarizes the steps necessary to make a big dent in your life and happiness level. If used as a guide that you stick to (i.e. APPLY CONSISTENTLY), you can't help but have a much better life. While I am less of a fan of Dr. Laura herself (some of her issues have issues ;-) than I am a fan of her advice, (which is usually SPOT ON), she too is growing like all of us, and demonstrates this expressly in her latest book ("Stop Whining..."). Nonetheless, this book coupled with one of her earlier written "Ten Stupid Things Men/Women..." would, in and of themselves, be excellent guides for anyone on this planet. They should be required reading for everyone, the latter especially for your mid to late teen children.

Dr. Laura really hit the nail on the head when it comes to my childhood. I have successfully "survived" my childhood as a product of divorce, manipulation, neglect, and mental abuse. This book helps people move on and gives those that have moved on a different way to look back.