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Bad Valentines [Kindle Edition]

Steve Vernon
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: $2.99

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Book Description

Love is one of those words that people like to throw around – but sometimes love can be one of the meanest and nastiest games in town.

If you’ve ever had your heart broken - then this book is for you.

If you enjoy the taste of strong meat – then this book is for you.

If you’ve got a sense of weird that is honed as sharp as a cutthroat’s knife – then this book is for you.

Here are three of the strangest love stories you have ever read.

Change of Pace – for a taste of a true Spanish fly.
Wetside Story – a touching saga of love, squid-things and zombie Nazi death subs.
Potboiler, told in a Spanish Key – breaking someone’s heart can sometimes be the very last thing you will ever do.

"This genre needs new blood and Steve Vernon is quite a transfusion." –Edward Lee, author of FLESH GOTHIC and CITY INFERNAL

Those who have read Vernon's fiction previously know to expect the unexpected, and to grab onto something firm and weighty as they begin the first few words of one of his stories. – Fearzone

Steve Vernon is a hard writer to pin down. And that’s a good thing. – Dark Scribe Magazine

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Product Details

  • File Size: 278 KB
  • Print Length: 56 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Crossroad Press; Crossroad Press Digital edition (February 4, 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0075XA4HO
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,489,437 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
4.2 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Horror that's not just for Valentines Day February 19, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
"Bad Valentines" was published just in time for the 2012 Valentines Day holiday and since I was between books, I took a chance. Glad I did. I found Steve Vernon to be a talented storyteller with a wicked sense of humor and eye for the bizarre, occasionally finding both in the same tale ;-)

The collection begins with "Change of Pace", something that many couples look for after years of the same routine, both in, and out of the bedroom. Malcolm is in that kind of rut and has tried just about everything to bring back the magic. His friend Seymour finally comes up with the ultimate aphrodisiac which, much to Malcolm's surprise, actually works. He even tries some for himself. The end result is definitely not not what he expected.

"Wetside Story" is out there, I mean WAY out there. Sexuality among talking squid, shellfish and Nazi Zomboids in an Uberbottom Death Sub. Believe it or not there's an underlying moral to be unearthed in this comic romp. Really funny stuff, too.

The final outing here, is "Potboiler, Told in a Spanish Key". Where the first couple of tales were on the light side, not so much here. A dark tale of sacrifice. Well written, with some truly gross moments.

Oh, wait...there's a bonus story in the Kindle edition. It's from Steve Vernon's short story collection "Roadside Ghosts". "Catcall" is an enjoyable tale involving pre-teens and a haunted house.

I've added Steve Vernon to my list of authors to keep an eye on. Check him out for yourself. His works are available from Crossroad Press and Bad Valentines
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Very good! March 29, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Bad Valentines is a collection of three short stories by Steve Vernon. This was an entertaining quick read, and offered something quite different from normal horror fair.
The first story, Change of Pace, features a well meaning bumbling man who just wants to please his wife. Enter his best friend and sidekick, who is full of not so good ideas. This was a very humorous story, and I really did find myself laughing at the characters as they unwittingly set things in motion that would have not so pleasant results.
Then there is Westside Story. This is the second story in this collection, and it is very tongue in cheek and deals with homophobic FBI agents and love between squids. Yes, I said squids. There is also an assortment of other sentient sea creatures. Again this was another humorous story, although this one takes us in to the world of science fiction.
There is a big change when we get to the third story, Potboiler, Told in a Spanish Key. This one was much darker in tone and more in line with what you would expect from a horror collection. It is said that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, well the woman in this story brought down the wrath of an angry god upon her ex-lover.

As a whole, this was a very enjoyable collection. I will admit to being a bit startled when I got to the third story, as I was expecting another humorous one after reading the first two, but Potboiler was my favorite out of the three. The three stories do go together in this collection, however, as they all deal with problems in relationships in some fashion. I think it also shows that Vernon has a wide range when it comes to storytelling, and I am looking forward to reading more of his work.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars I like this book. July 15, 2014
By Anebrd
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I have had this book on my Kindle for quite so time. It is four tales of "Horror". I put "Horror" because the second one Wetside really wasn't horror. It's heroes were gay weresquids? fighting nazi zombies.Nazi was in the zombies title BUT they didn't do anything really Nazi like... only not really fighting them. It is a very bizarre story and frankly I would read another book with those two guys if I was not on a spending fast. The second story is very silly and light hearted.

I am not going to try and ruin the other three tales of horror. The underlining theme of the first three stories is love. The first tale is of a man trying to keep the sex interesting so his wife won't leave him. It goes bad. The second one as I mention is gay weresquid or maybe gay squid men and they are happy. The third one is love gone way wrong and let us say at the end it is hell in a handbasket time.

Now I like the first three tales. I was disappointed at first there was only three. However Steve Vernon has included an entire story from another book here. This one Catcall was my favorite. It starts at a spooky house with a group of kids staring up at it. It rambles along following
a child's life that has had his share of heartbreak. It reaches the climax and frankly I didn't see it coming. Pay attention. I like stories that make you pay attention.

If I was not focused on saving money, I would probably be rather reading more short stories by Steve Vernon. He has quite a way with words.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Mad, Darkly Comic....just brilliant. May 2, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
Steve Vernon is nothing if not persistent. Another triumvirate of deeply weird, semi-occult, genre twisting tales shows yet again that there's no end to the creative madness that he can come up with.

Change of Pace is a frenetic story of rekindling passion and being careful what you wish for. Malcolm wants to make it with Maria like he used to, and his friend and all-round holistic healing guru, Seymour, knows just the thing. Ware the buzzing!

Wetside Story: a marvellously funny and dark tale of Squid and other assorted Crustaceans, Cephalopods and Fish that inhabit Darktown, monster-film exiles that float about in the undercity. Finn and Bucky are embroiled in an FBI operation, and only a giant sea-beast can save the day. With a distinctly comic Noir feel, this story uses love and trust as its main weapons.

Potboiler, Told in a Spanish Key is a simple tale of a woman's dark revenge on her flighty and callous lover. Calling upon the dread power of the God of Screams, Conchita is determined to sacrifice herself to make Manny pay. But the God is never satisfied with just two souls, and the Blood, it pours...

There's even a bonus short story: Catcall - a scary YA tale that bookends this collection nicely.
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More About the Author

Hi! I'm Steve Vernon and I'd love to scare you. Along the way I'll entertain you. I guarantee a giggle as well.

If I listed all of the books I've written I'd bore you - and I am allergic to boring.

Instead, let me recommend one single book of mine.

Pick up SUDDEN DEATH OVERTIME for an example of true Steve Vernon storytelling. It's hockey and vampires for folks who love hockey and vampires - and for folks who don't!

For more up-to-date info please follow my blog at:

And follow me at Twitter:

yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

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