Customer Reviews

The Beast in Space (Unrated Version)

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1 star:		(1)

 

 

Where to begin? How horribly can a concept be systematically destroyed?

This movie came out in 1978 or 1980, depending on where you look (the case says '80, but online sources say '78). Either way, the special effects are straight out of the 1940's. There are low budgets, and there are no budgets. Didn't these guys learn ANYTHING from Star Wars, 2001: A Space Odyssey, or other 60's-70's sci-fi? Even with a barely-there budget things could have been much better.

But let's get to the real appeal of this movie, the schlocky sex and the promise of our heroine getting "yet another graphic ravaging by a hugely-endowed man-beast." Total letdown. As a huge fan of the crazy, I-can't-believe-they-actually-did-that, full-frontal of the creature, semen-soaked monster scenes from The Beast (La bête), this promise of a follow-up fell completely flat. Our "hugely-endowed man-beast" is a bearded old man with hooved faun's legs. The faun statue in the dining hall was more erotic.

There's no "equipment" on display, even in this unrated version, so you get no creature eye candy as you definitely did in The Beast. All you get is some above and to-the-side views of him doing her missionary style. Oh, and the furry legs are very, very obviously nylons with some thin, curly fur stuck on. What a total letdown. I just noticed there is an X-rated version offered. I don't know if that one is any more graphic but (1) I'm not going to pay again to find out and (2) our bearded old "man-beast" is hardly sexy anyway, so seeing more of his equipment wouldn't do anything for me anyway.

I could also go on and on about the terrible plot holes and the totally baffling horse mating scene. How did horses get on this far-off, unexplored planet? The scene is shown in a grainy, funhouse mirror effect that I assume is meant to invoke a mysterious atmosphere, but completely fails. And did we really need a blatant ripoff of light sabers while they were fighting the amazingly incompetent robot guards?

If you're hoping for anything like The Beast (La bête), prepare to be utterly disappointed. If you're simply expecting a cheesy, sexy bad-but-fun B movie diversion, you'll still be disappointed. This was just awful in every respect.

Plot? None. Story? Barely. The Beast in Space is an unofficial sequel to Walerian Borowczyk's La Bête (The Beast) that will probably only interest Italian exploitation and erotic cinema fans as it has none of Borowczyk's style or originality.

The acting, dialogue, softcore and FX are all incredibly bad but just as entertaining. Both Vassili Karis and Venantino Venantini handed in hilarious performances as rival spaceship captains but the show is `snatch'ed from their comedic grasp by Sirpa Lane and her pendulous space-tatas. Now, personally, I think Sirpa Lane is god awful ugly in the worst way, she sort of reminds me of a Geico caveman with a vajayjay, but I suppose I can see why people dig her, after all she had a wonderful shape. Unfortunately, a great body don't always make for an interesting lead actress and Lane is about as uninteresting as they get.

The Beast in Space is sleazy and it's doubtful it was meant to be taken seriously so the bottom line is, "Was The Beast in Space entertaining?" and the answer to that would be yes...well...mildly entertaining. I must admit I found myself feeling a bit strange in the pants and ashamed when the Satyr began rocking Sirpa Lane's world but then again I'm a pervert and there's really no accounting for taste.

To counter a few other reviews I've read, I must say if you enjoy Italian cinema at all, you will probably like this, or at least find it wierdly fascinating. The print from Severin films is in pretty good shape, and the DVD has some entertaining extras. Forget this being a sexy movie -- the unrated version, after all, has some kind of random hardcore footage done by none of the actors here, but instead enjoy the sets made of aluminum foil and whatever else they managed to cobble together on a budget. This movie won't win awards for anything, it's true, but it's at least worth a look. Personally I find the bizarre plot more interesting than those of some of the current absurd sci fi movies that are lauded for the virtue of their "special effects."

I had the regular version (without hardcore inserts/sex scenes, without nudity).

The acting is stale and the script was just a below average Italian Horror "spaghetti sci-fi" script, nothing special. The first part scarcely grabbed my attention but it failed to keep it throughout the film. The only way I could recommend this movie, is if you really enjoy average/bad 80's Italian Horror/sci-fi. I just lost any care about what happened.

I can't imagine what Alfonso Brescia must have been thinking with this film. Perhaps this film would have been fun if it was SUPPOSED to be bad, but I'm pretty sure this was intended as serious genre entertainment. I am an adoring fan of Italian Horror/sci-fi, but the only thing that went through my mind while viewing this film was, "Oh hell, is it going to be over soon?".

Being a genre fan, I've learned long ago to be able to overlook occasional silliness and nonsensical plot threads, but I just couldn't handle this mess. You can't like them all, I guess. "Angry Red Planet" was great. "Rocket Ship XM" was great. But I really did not like this movie.

Still, barely worth watching for the dumb look and some truly goofy dialogue, as well as a few twisted scenes.