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Because Your Vampire Said So (Broken Heart, Oklahoma, Book 3) [Mass Market Paperback]

Michele Bardsley (Author)
3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)

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This title will be released on September 4, 2012.
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Book Description

September 4, 2012
Not just anyone can visit Broken Heart, Oklahoma, especially since all the single moms—like me, Patsy Donahue—have been turned into vampires. I’m forever forty, but looking younger than my years, thanks to my new (un)lifestyle.

And even thought most of my customers have skipped town, I still manage to keep my hair salon up and running because of the lycanthropes prowling around. They know how important good grooming is—especially a certain rogue shape-shifter who is as sexy as he is deadly. Now, if only I could put a leash on my wild teenage son. He’s up to his neck in danger. The stress would kill me if I wasn’t already dead. But my maternal instincts are sill alive and kicking, so no one better mess with my flesh and blood.


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Because Your Vampire Said So (Broken Heart, Oklahoma, Book 3) + Don't Talk Back To Your Vampire (Broken Heart, Oklahoma, Book 2) + Wait Till Your Vampire Gets Home (Broken Heart, Oklahoma, Book 4)
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Michele Bardsley lives with her husband, their two children, and Her Highnesses Isis and Cleopatra, two of the most spoiled Bengal cats on the planet.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter 1

"I ain't a groomin' service," I said, wishing I could still smoke Marlboros. Becoming a vampire cured me of most vices. If I couldn't breathe, I sure as hell couldn't inhale and exhale cigarette smoke. I wanted a donor who smoked, so I'd get a nice fix every time I had a pint. Unfortunately, the Consortium-which was in charge of our little piece of Oklahoma-didn't hire donors who abused their bodies. Yet, I hoped for the day I'd find me some nicotine blood.

"You give such good shampoo massages, Patsy," said Darrius, who was a fine-looking male. He could shape-shift into a big, black wolf, too. In either form, Darrius was hard to resist. He'd talked me more than once into a full-body shampoo.

"I own a salon service for people, not mutts."

"If you added animal grooming to your offerings," he said. "You'd make more money."

"You think so?" I liked money almost as much as I liked cigarettes. I couldn't smoke anymore, but I could spend money. I hadn't been jewelry-shopping in a dog's age. I looked at Darrius and cackled. Dog's age. Wasn't I hoot"

His green eyes filled with calculation. He sidled closer to me and draped a muscled arm around my shoulders. Oo-wee, I loved it when handsome men flirted with me. Gave me a thrill, it sure enough did. I was forty-years-old (and would be forever, by God) and not above enjoying the titillation offered by Darrius. Look at him, all cute and wily.

"Oh, all right. But this is the last time." Of course, that's what I said every time Darrius and his ornery brother Drake talked me into a wolfie shampoo. Too cute for their own good, both of 'em.

"You know how I feel about watching that shifting bullshit. Go in the back room."

Darrius took two steps before his cell phone rang. Cursing, he plucked it from the holster on his hip. "Ja?"

After listening a moment, he sighed deeply. He shut the phone and re-inserted it into the case. "I must take a rain check, Liebling. Damian says there is an emergency, but with him, everything is an emergency."

Damian was the third brother; the oldest, by eleven minutes, of triplets. He was head of the Consortium's security, and he protected the borders of Broken Heart fiercely. He never asked for a shampoo.

Darrius kissed my cheek then tapped my nose with his forefinger. "I will be back, Patsy. Then you can rub me all over."

"Promises, promises, stud."

He grinned widely and turned around. I slapped that tight butt so hard my palm stung. He laughed and sauntered out of the salon. Looking at that fine posterior almost made it worth digging out the wolf hair from my tub.

As Darrius exited, cold air gusted through the door and brought with the promise of snow. Well, what can you do? It was the first week of November, after all. Then again, Oklahoma weather was as fickle as my sister at a half-price shoe sale. Yesterday, the temperature had been a balmy sixty-six degrees.

I turned the sign on the front door to "Closed," then I grabbed the broom and started sweeping the clean floor. I'd been feeling off-kilter lately. You know that prickly feeling you get when a storm's coming, but the sky is clear? Whatever-it-was teased the horizon just enough to keep me clutching my umbrella.

My thoughts drifted to Darrius's suggestion. Grooming services, huh? We had enough lycanthropes around these parts that I could make some extra money as an animal groomer. Business wasn't exactly brisk thanks to ousting most of the original residents. Anyone who wasn't a paranormal being or a human donor found themselves elsewhere in a hurry.

I used to have two employees, but they were given new jobs in Tulsa, as part of the Broken Heart citizen resettlement program. My nail girl Linda got re-assigned as an assistant to scientist Dr. Stan Michaels. She was mightily in love with that man, but wouldn't admit it.

Anyway, Broken Heart wasn't exactly a hopping town before the undead took over. Less than a year ago, the only thing that had saved my salon from closing had been the strippers from the

Barley and Boob Barn, which had been shut down and razed in June. Aw, hell. I missed those girls. They were fun and raunchy and tipped real good.

I was "life-challenged" because of Lorcan O'Halloran. Diseased by the Taint-a nasty illness that only affects vampires-he'd attempted a radical cure. The cure turned him into a two-legged, hairy, stinky beast. He romped around ol' Broken Heart and killed eleven of us single parents. Oh, now, don't worry. He's back to being a vampire. He married my friend Eva, Broken Heart's only teacher. She was obviously the forgiving sort, but I still felt uneasy around Lorcan.

The night he attacked me, I'd been outside my shop smoking a cigarette. If I'd known that was the last smoke I was ever gonna have, I would've enjoyed it a lot more. Anyway, I died. Wham! Knocked down, knocked out, and snacked on. Next night, I woke up on a steel table in a white room feeling more alive than ever-only to be told I wasn't. And I figured out real quick that I had gained a few new tricks.

It wasn't all bad. My crow's feet, cellulite, age spots, and the ol' saggies went bye-bye. I had clear, wrinkle-free skin, but no amount of vampifying could rid me of my height, a couple inches shy of six feet, or what my son called "fluffiness." Eva said I reminded her of a Valkyrie, which was some sort of Viking chick who kicked ass. I liked that description, I'll tell you.

The Consortium bought my place and gave it to me lock, stock, and barrel, and they paid all bills associated with it and my double-wide, which was twenty feet behind the salon. I didn't have much to do with the money I made, except abuse my credit card on the Home Shopping Network.

"Good evening, Patricia."

The man's voice startled me, but I kept my cool. One thing I'd learned from my ex-husband was that offense was the best defense. "Do you ignore all the signs you read, or just the ones on doors?"

I turned around and leaned on the broom. A man I'd never seen stood inside the doorway, staring at me. And he was built, honey. Mm-hmm. I saw the muscles bulging underneath the crisp white shirt opened at the collar. He also wore a pair of tight black jeans and ... I'll be damned. He had himself a pair of black Prada Croc Sneakers. I liked boots and didn't wear much else. Wilson had shown me a magazine ad with those Crocs and said he wanted them. Even though our existence was no longer hand-to-mouth, I couldn't justify buying a pair of shoes that cost twice as much as my mortgage payment.

What was a guy wearing thousand-dollar pair of kicks doing in my shop? Shoot. What did it matter? Most of the paranormal beings running around our fair town were richer than God. He didn't seem to mind I was looking him over. As I took his measure, he took mine. His long hair was so white it looked like captured moonbeams. It was drawn into a queue at the back of his neck. If that hair wasn't enough to make the hairstylist in me slobber, then his golden eyes made the woman in me go mreow. Those mesmerizing amber orbs reminded me of the sunsets I would never see again.

Damn. He was temptation itself. I was a celibate as a nun because of vampires had a hitched-for-hundred-years sex clause. My last marriage lasted eighteen years and that was seventeen years, three-hundred-and-sixty four days longer than it should have. I swore I wouldn't walk down the aisle ever again, much less fall in love. No, thank you.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"My name's Gabriel." He smiled, but it wasn't a nice smile. It was more like an I'll-eat-you-up grin. I shivered all the way to my toes. "Damian sent me. His orders are to secure your beauty shop and to walk you home."

"Why? Are more Wraiths sneaking around or something?"

Wraiths were vampires who thought they should rule the world, being the superior race. Hah. They'd attacked Broken Heart twice and hadn't accomplished much more than pissing off the residents.

He shrugged. "I do what the boss tells me."

I clutched the broom handle, suddenly uneasy. Handsome as he was, I'd never seen him before. Drake and Darrius were always showing up 'round here for one thing or another, but it didn't make a lick of sense for Damian to send me a guardian.

The man seemed to sense my distress. "You want to call him and ask?" He unclipped his cell phone from his belt and extended it toward me.

I looked at the phone and then at him. If he was willing to let me call Damian and check up on him, then surely he was legit. Yeah, right. I may be blonde, but I ain't stupid.

"I have him on speed dial." I dug my phone out my back jean pocket and flipped it open. The only weapons I had were the broom, my vamp skills, and my charming wit-none of which would disarm him.

I hit the button and put the phone to my ear. Damian picked up on the first ring. "Ja?"

"I got a tall drink of water o...


Product Details

  • Reading level: Ages 18 and up
  • Mass Market Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Signet Eclipse (September 4, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0451223861
  • ISBN-13: 978-0451223869
  • Product Dimensions: 6.8 x 4.1 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #563,270 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

National bestselling author Michele Bardsley writes about Oklahoma vampires, Texas wizards, and zombie-making teenagers (as Michele Vail). Obsessed with gourmet chocolate, History Channel, and all things shiny, she creates fictional worlds because, hey, it's a lot more fun than housework. She lives in Texas with her family, where they are slaves to their numerous pets.

 

Customer Reviews

23 Reviews
5 star:
 (9)
4 star:
 (4)
3 star:
 (5)
2 star:
 (3)
1 star:
 (2)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
3.7 out of 5 stars (23 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Third Installment In Broken Heart Series, Fabulous!, October 12, 2008
This review is from: Because Your Vampire Said So (Broken Heart, Oklahoma, Book 3) (Mass Market Paperback)
Broken Heart, Oklahoma is a great place to live. If you're dead. Sadly for Patsy Donahue, the best (and only) hair stylist around, business is as slow has her non-existant heartbeat and she's reduced to giving shampoos to a handsome pack of werewolves to keep busy.

Life (no pun intended) gets busy as she realizes her talents to communicate with ghosts as well as raise them. Her sixteen year old son, Wilson is giving her grey hair, heaven forbid! And a sexy lycanthrope named Gabriel lights her toes on fire. But he leaves her with the burning question. Who is he and can she trust him when no one else does?


This is the third in the Broken Heart, Oklahoma series, and possibly the best yet. Patsy is one of the most down to earth characters we've been introduced to so far. She hasn't had it easy, but she's done the best she could and you won't find a more admirable, yet sassy vampire out there.

Touching on the seriousness of the subject of how alcoholism affects all members in the family with honesty and sensitivity, Michele Bardsley isn't afraid to bring such important issues into the light. This gives a realistic foundation to Patsy's story and makes her character development all the more palpable.

The obvious research into Celtic legends is apparent and adds further to the depth of the story. All the Gaelic terms (with a very handy glossary in the back of the book) are beautiful and the characters are all the more vivid because of those fine details.

So let me break this down. We have a unique world with a vampire PTA, lycanthrope body guards and a consortium forming their own paranormal community. Cool, right? Michele's raucous sense of humor is sewn throughout and will have you laughing out loud. I'm giving you fair warning because if you're anything like me, the snorts will start flying and we know that's not always pretty.

BECAUSE YOUR VAMPIRE SAID SO goes even deeper into the genesis of the vampires and the history is wrought with some cranky blood suckers who challenge even the oldest among them. Each vampire is hugely interesting in their own unique way, each one more dangerous than the last.

Patsy has it pretty rough. One of the things she has to adapt to is her power to see ghosts. Not only can she see them, but some of them just won't leave her alone, including her smoking, gambling Grandma. As Patsy comes into her own and harnesses her abilities, the dead will rise. And you will laugh until you cry!

The Broken Heart Oklahoma series is a must read, and it's going on my keeper shelf to stay.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars So entertaining the flaws fade away, June 9, 2008
This review is from: Because Your Vampire Said So (Broken Heart, Oklahoma, Book 3) (Mass Market Paperback)
Patsy is all that's best about 'white trash'. She lives in a double-wide trailer behind her salon. She's haunted by the ghosts of chain-smoking Dottie and her own grandma (who died with one hand clutching the arm of a slot machine). When scared she's more likely to sass back than whimper in fear. And when it comes to her son Wilson, she's a mama bear ready to rip the head off of anyone who hurts him---including him.

I won't say this book is perfect. When rogue werewolf Gabriel and Patsy first met, and for a while thereafter, I had trouble feeling the chemistry between them. Ultimately, however, they made a very hot couple (standard adults-only explicit material warning). Also, in series books like this where each book is a separate couple's story, usually the books stand alone better. In this case, since I hadn't read the first two books, I definitely felt rather lost when it came to understanding what was going on with Broken Heart and the Consortium.

Finally, there's a spot somewhat early on where a man arrives to teach Patsy what her Family powers are and how to use them. However, he appears conveniently out of nowhere, quickly teaches her everything, and then disappears out of the story again. He all but screams 'plot device.'

That might seem like too many flaws for a four-out-of-five rating, and I debated giving it lower. But the truth is, this book easily deserves a four, and I'm sure for many readers it'll be a five. It's witty and hilarious, and Patsy is one of the best paranormal romance heroines ever. It also moved me to tears at the end, which is something I most definitely did not expect from this irreverent, cackle-inducing romp.

So if you need a good laugh and want some feel-good fun, or if you're a forty-something single mom looking for a romance that's aimed at you, grab this series up and enjoy the hell out of it!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Because your Vampire said so!, September 7, 2011
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LOVED this book! Couldnt put it down. Great series, each book gets better and better! Must read series, thats for sure!
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