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on February 10, 2010
There is some really good practical advice about being the best you that you can be and excellent advice about taking a break from dating for a time while you get your head cleared of any negative talk.

I don't think redheads need to dye their hair to attract a man. I don't think you need to have long hair to attract a man, especially if you don't good w/ long hair (I look awful w/ long hair. never have looked good w/ it. My hair looks best when it's a medium length) and I don't think you need to run around w/ an index card sized calling card w/ your photo and personal stats on it (although it might be useful if you're attending a lot of dating events). To me that just comes off a bit weird. but the suggestions to take time w/ your appearance even if you're just running out to the grocery store and for a few errands, did prove useful. (met 2 guys at the hardware store when I was buying some tools and later another time when I was in the gardening section. A lot of unattached single guys there on Friday nights. the hardware store might have to start charging a cover charge.)

I also did try some of the places she suggested meeting people and had some success and it inspired me to think outside of the box when thinking of where to meet people. (I used to play golf so I did go to the driving range and I met a few available guys there. It's a neighborhood range so I won't meet any millionaires there but then I'm not looking for one. I also became more active in my favorite charities and have met some men through there. I really have no interest in watching sports so I don't see the point in faking it--it sets up a false impression of who you are.) Try new things and do activities that interest you. When you're engaged in the activity, you become engaging.

The best advice in here was to know yourself and know what you want and to stay focused on what you want so you aren't distracted by your hormones and charmed by someone who isn't heading in the same direction you are and doesn't want what you want.

My recommendation is to read the book, take what you find to be useful, try a few of her suggestions that you think are a bit over the top just for the sake of doing it, and enter the entire process as if you're on a new adventure---like it's something exciting and new.
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on May 16, 2010
I borrowed this book from the library and I read it in a few hours. It is very light and entertaining, but I would not follow it like a road map. I agree with some of her tips, such as her advice to not have sex early in a relationship or even to wait until marriage and to allow the man to pay for all the dates. But her book gives the impression that the entire responsibility for making a connection that leads to marriage rests with the woman and that a woman should manipulate her way into a man's heart.

She suggests that all women straighten their hair, wear sexy high heels and always look perfect while with the man she wants to become her husband. But for how long can a woman pretend to have a style or identity that is not her own? What happens when "Cinderella" reveals herself? What is to stop a man from divorcing a woman if she changes after marriage? Adopting a fake persona in order to win a man's heart is not a sensible strategy for a woman who wants a marriage that will last, hopefully forever. Better to let him see you with your curly hair and comfortable shoes in the beginning so he can decide whether he likes the real you, rather than end up divorced after he discovers the real you.

I also think it's interesting that she puts women of color in a separate "exotic" category, and not in the "sexpot" "intellectual", "girl next door", or "cute and perky". So a nonwhite woman cannot be intelligent, sexy or cute? According to her, women like Halle Berry, Lucy Lui, Shakira, Iman and Salma Hayek "are not considered beautiful, but their features are presented in a unique way" What does it mean to have "uniquely presented" features? Are their noses attached to their foreheads instead of in the middle of their faces? I think all of the aforementioned women are beautiful. She says that " these women are arresting because there is something unusual and intriguing about them". So does that mean that men who are attracted to them are not normal? That is very insulting, but I don't think she meant to offend nonwhite women, she just considers them second to white women, which I guess is okay, since she is white it makes sense that she would present women like herself as normal and other women as exotic.
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on April 27, 2010
When I first saw the title of this book, my heart sank. You know when you have an idea for a great new product and you procrastinate and then you walk by a store window and there in the window is your idea!

I have been teaching a 4 Step Process for Attracting Your Perfect Mate for 7 years, and I just started a blog, and I have all these notes for writing a book. I was so jealous when I first saw the title of Patti's book. I felt like Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting, "He stole my line".

Then I started watching The Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo regularly and I read the book. WOW! This is truly an amazing woman and her book is BRILLIANT! The introduction is a must read. It explains everything you see on the TV show. Patti Stanger has been there and done that and lived to share her wisdom in an informative and most entertaining way. For example on page 14 of the introduction she exposes that she went to a "spiritual santero" to cast a spell that would bring "Mat" back to her. The spell works and Mat comes back, however, looking back, Patti realizes she actually wanted control, and that is what she got when Mat showed back up. She got controlled for three years.

That is the Universal Law of Attraction. Each of us is like a radio transmitter sending out your true vibration, and that is who you attract to listen to your station. Which brings up Step Two. Mirror, Mirror. This chapter is all about "What's on the Outside DOES Count. Some people may be turned off by this because they think it's what's inside that really counts. I can understand that reaction, however, the conversation about mastering inner beauty is a whole other book. To be truely attractive you must have inner AND outer beauty in balance, and Step Two of Patti's book is a great place to get some valuable tips on mastering outer beauty.

I will have to add Mirror, Mirror to my Perfect Mate classes. It's about Attracting Your Perfect Mate by looking in the mirror of your date, and that reminds me of one of Patti's most perfect tips. "No sex until monogomy", there is a good reason for this tip; oxytocin bonding. Trust me, if you don't already know what that is, you will want to buy the book just for that information. It could save you years of suffering and heart ache.

I found a lot of other great tips like the one in Step Four on page 123, "YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM!" followed by "Every woman thinks sex is the glue, and they are so wrong." "Finding the right guy is like finding the perfect pair of shoes.... You want to be able to stand and walk in them for blocks and still be comfortable."

This book will truely prepare you to Become Your Own MATCHMAKER.

I unconditionally recommend it to anyone who is single and dating or wants to be married, or in a committed relationship.
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on August 3, 2013
Here's all Patti's advice summarised:

1) Be thin
2) Be attractive
3) Don't have curly hair
4) Smile
5) Keep your mouth shut

The only positive advice is: Keep your legs closed until you're sure he's willing to commit.

Save your money or pass her book onto someone who's thinner and prettier than you and dumb enough not to have a personality or an opinion.
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VINE VOICEon March 1, 2012
This book compiles some of Ms. Stanger's best dating advice from her years of experience as a professional matchmaker. The audience for this book is single women from their mid-twenties through their forties, although she doesn't specifically tailor her advice to any targeted age group. She simply brings her knowledge of "millionaire" single men and what they want to an audience of single women who hope to attract and/or marry a high-status man. It's not unlike the book "Dating Up", but with a west coast orientation, rather than an east coast orientation. For that reason, some of the male client "types" she describes in her book are probably more typical of Los Angeles, California, than of Houston, Texas, or Omaha, Nebraska, so take some of that information with a grain of salt. The rest of the book walks you through her process of getting focused on what kind of man you want to meet (i.e. make a list!) and then some ideas for improving your personal presentation to make a good first impression. Making a good impression on a first date is critical to getting the second date, and without the second date, you can't get the third date, and so on, until you're in a relationship.

I recommend reading this book in conjunction with the following books, which will help you recognize bad dating patterns of your past, "red flag" men to stay away from, and qualities that are more than skin deep so that you can actually enjoy your relationship once you've established one:

Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love
Dating Up: Dump the Schlump and Find a Quality Man
Whom Not to Marry: Time-Tested Advice from a Higher Authority
Deal Breakers: When to Work On a Relationship and When to Walk Away
The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life with the Law of Attraction
Love Will Find You: 9 Magnets to Bring You and Your Soulmate Together
Calling in "The One": 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life

David Shade's ebook "Select Men Wisely" I will also highly recommend, although I don't see it available on at this time.

Overall, Ms. Stanger's book is as enjoyable as the show, and she draws from a lot of interesting real life experiences throughout this book, so it is also an enjoyable read. You will need a little more information than she gives you in order to fill out your soul mate or ideal date list, but the other books I mentioned should fill in the gap for that piece of the process.
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on August 19, 2009
While Patti's book does offer some nuggets of good advice, the big obstacle to accessing most of it is the dreaded second chapter, and those of you who have read the book know what I am talking about. The advice given in Chapter 2 focuses on telling women how to change themselves physically so that they can fit into the mold of what the guys who are Patti's clients claim they are looking for (Patti prides herself on "thinking like a man" and basing her advice on what men tell her, but you have to consider the types of men to whom Patti caters in order to evaluate the universality of her advice). While it is the truth universally acknowledged that looks are important in the dating world and a person should always aim to look his or her best, Patti takes physical appearance in a "Stepford Wives" direction by giving a very severe run-down of exactly which traits and features are acceptable and which are not and how to change yourself accordingly. The harshness and inflexibility of this chapter alone not only turns me off to reading further, it also makes me absolutely certain in my conviction that I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be with a man who made such demands of me. It also convinces me that it has been a very long time since Patti Stanger has lived in the real world.

On the last page of the book, Patti says, "If you learn anything from this book, I want you to remember that you have the power to attract Mr. Right For You at any moment. Don't listen to the other men who say you're not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, or rich enough, because you ARE!" Huh??? I guess you're supposed to be all of these things AFTER you've read and implemented the advice given in Chapter 2. I guess I'm supposed to be thinking about how I "have the power to attract Mr. Right For Me at any moment" while I am getting my "Bio Cards" printed (postcard-sized cards that include your picture and personal information such as your dating site bio, where you went to school, and your phone number. Patti recommends that women carry around these cards in order to pass them out to interested men).
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on March 13, 2013
I could never figure out why my relationships never last past 3 months. I used to chock it up to the fact that I must be cursed because I really had no other explanation. Well this book has taught me that I have been doing everything wrong druing the first 3 months. Literally every thing Patti says not to do during the first 90 days, is what I do every single time! I will definitely use this book as a guide moving forward.
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on March 6, 2013
This was a fun book to read with good tips. But after seeing that Patty quoted Dr. Allen's book I decided. To read hers and saw that most of this book was a brief copy of "Getting to I Do" by Dr. Patricia Allen. Dr. Allen's book is much better and much more complete.
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on April 9, 2009
I wasn't sure what to expect from this book and was pleasantly surprised that it turned out to be a wonderful read. I've watched Patti's show, and while I don't always agree with what she says in the show I still find it interesting to watch. Her book spells out her rules for dating, taking it further than what she says on the show since the show seems to be more geared to preparing the guy for dating and the book is solely geared to the single gal looking for love. I breezed right through the book, and found myself dog-earing many pages for future reference. Her suggestions are very practical, and she gives very good insight into the mind of the man. Many times her advice is just run for the hills; a kind of "he's just not that into you" without coming out and saying that. For some of us ladies, that may be hard to hear. But eventually we realize that if we had listened to that in the first place, we would have avoided months, if not years, of heartache and torture. I know I've been one to seriously doubt the "more fish in the sea" maxim, and have settled for some awful and ill-fitting tops to my pot. But reading her book and the inspirational dating stories that she relates has made me realize that settling is seriously selling myself short. Her own dating horror stories and happy ending show that women can find a happy ending, even after 40! Thanks Patti for telling us girls what we should be doing in order to find our perfect mate.
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on February 16, 2009
I saw Patti Stanger on the View before Valentines Day and I thought she looked like kind of a kook until I heard her say that she doesn't believe in sleeping with a man before he makes a commitment. I've become so accustomed to drivel like 'Sex And The City' 's supposedly feminist message of sleeping around, that when a female writer gave a piece of advice that actually empowers women in the right way, I was floored. When I saw that she was there to plug a new book, I went out and bought the book as a Valentines' Day gift to myself.

Patti is a very funny writer with a no-nonsense attitude, and I like that a lot about her. I am only a third of the way through the book, so I can only comment on what I've read so far.

So much of what she says does make sense, but I would tell any average woman reading the chapter I am reading - the one about looks - to ignore most of what she says about physical appearance. In this chapter, Patti gives tips on how to complete re-do yourself physically in order to attract a man. She bases her advice on what she says men have been telling her for years - that they like women with giant boobs, and only blonde or brown hair. Redheads with short hairdos - like me - apparently, don't stand a chance. I was really hoping that in 2009, we - both men and women - would be past this whole nonsense of what women SHOULD look like, which according to Patti, is whatever men seem to like, not what we - as women - feel is beautiful.

When reading this chapter, keep in mind that the men who have been giving this feedback to Patti are millionaires - in LA, no less, land of superficiality and flakiness. Money equals power and Patti's clients want arm candy, not real love. REAL love requires an ability to look beyond the physical and see the person who will continue to be there though thick and thin. Any man who "requires" that you look a certain way in order for him to pay you any attention isn't worth any of yours. If a man is going to be shallow enough to care if you are a few pounds overweight, then that's his problem, don't make it yours.

And I have to say, as a short-haired redhead, I have been told by many male friends that redheads are considered mysterious and a prize for men, not something to run away from, as Patti states is the case. Redheads just don't cut the mustard, in her opinion.

With that said, I'm looking forward to finishing the rest of the book, as a lot of what Patti says does make sense - I have known of the oxytocin bonding syndrome for years and I'm happy someone else is finally backing me up on it! Just keep in mind that Patti's in the business of matching very rich men in a very shallow city in America - what they are looking for is not the average woman, so a lot of her advice doesn't apply. Please, just be yourselves, ladies, it's the best way to find a real mate.
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