Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love (Paperback)

by Robert Karen (Author) "In 1937 New York psychoanalyst David Levy reported the case of an eight-year-old girl I'll refer to as Anna whom he'd observed at the Institute..." (more)
Key Phrases: affectionless thieves, percent insecure, ambivalent children, United States, New York, Anna Freud (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Kirkus Reviews
The complex topic of attachment theory is opened up to parents, as well as other interested adults, by putting issues of child development, usually couched in antiseptic academic parlance, in lay terms. Ranging through historical developments in the field, Karen, formerly a psychotherapist in the pediatric unit of Bellevue Hospital, attempts to demystify ``mother love,'' or the bond babies have with their primary caregiver (Karen is also concerned with what happens to babies when that bond is disrupted). The author introduces and defends the English researcher John Bowlby, whose intuitions in the late 1930's about ``maternal attachment'' would be borne out not by his research but by that of Mary Ainsworth decades later. It may be historians and would-be child psychologists to whom this book matters most, for the delineation of who contributed what to the field, and when, puts both attachment theory and psychoanalytic theory into a context of early speculations, later advances, due championing, and (some) tarnishment. Amid occasionally florid prose, and with a tendency to characterize figures as either brilliant or great, Karen delves into what theorists have believed to be children's earliest feelings of rage and helplessness, love and security. Wittily titled chapters with effective cliffhanger endings will carry readers along on the tide of discovery and naysaying, furious debate, and placid acceptance of what these days is considered universally scandalous treatment of children (from abandonment of orphans to the analysis by her father of Anna Freud). Karen's work makes clear that, regardless of the path of scientific thought, there are newly minted, common-sense reasons for giving offspring all the love and respect we can. -- Copyright ©1994, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"Robert Karen has a rare capacity for presenting complex psychological ideas in language that is accessible to nonspecialists....Karen's book makes fascinating reading and constitutes a considerable achievement."--Contemporary Psychology
"Robert Karen...is one of our smartest and most accessible guides to the arcane world of psychoanalytic theory and research."--Elle


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Product Details

• Paperback: 512 pages
• Publisher: Oxford University Press, USA (April 23, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0195115015
• ISBN-13: 978-0195115017
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.1 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (33 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #8,016 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

67 of 68 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Totally Different Perspective, November 25, 2006

By	M. Corrigan "STATMATT2000" (NW Washington, DC United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review probably won't do this book justice. I'm analytical, Master's Degree in Statistics kind of guy, yea, stoic. Psychology. Yea that stuff is for quacks. In graduate school I worked with enough of them trying to squeeze any interpretation out of their "data".

So I have one of those life altering experiences. I go to Iraq as a reservist, spend sixteen months away from my wife and job, come back to a wife that doesn't love me anymore and doesn't know if she can. PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, and Depression all in one. But other than the PTSD symptoms, all of the other things have constantly been in my life working mysteriously in the background.

I go to a shrink as my marriage has fallen apart and I have no one to talk to and she brings up Attachment. I have never heard of it, so the scientist in me wants to learn anything and everything before our next meeting. I next day this book and begin reading "my life away" online and in the book. Or more apropriately "reading my life back." I'm fitting into this mold that is everything I don't want to be, but am and jealous of the mold that is everything that I am not, I'm being divorced by a woman that has been hardening my mold for the last 5 years. This book altered my perspective on so many things. I identified with so many others. It gave me a framework and definitions for defense mechanisims like (passive agressiveness and sublimation), a way to look at my childhood, and although the odds are against me being Ambivalently Attached and seeking Secure Attachment, I can now somewhat accurately "self-reflect" on my life experiences.

I won't lie, reading the history was kind of drab (I read math books for a living that isn't much more exciting), but I can't say pick up this book and start with chapter 7 or something like that. The history gives you a working perspective, something like "at least that didn't happen to me" but then it starts to come into more practicable situations and you start to piece how you fit into the reading. Taking and owning what is yours and totally psychoanalyzing your friends and in my case the divorcing spouse.

The chapter that "WOW"d me the most was Chapter 26 Repetition and Change: Working Through Insecure Attachment. After I was able to piece the picture together of my life and what extent of the symptoms and other things in my life that have related to the entire book thus far. This chapter has given me some hope. Some hope of finding out who I really am and exploring my sloshing bucket of memories for what decisions I have made and what decisions I am making by trying X+Y=Z over and over again instead of tring something like B/Q=A.

This review still does not do this book justice, but I'll put it out there, but it is what it is. If you don't believe in psychobabble and are a hard "nut" to crack, read this book! I have looked down at psycholgists most of my life, like they settled on an "Easier" career because they weren't good enough for a "Real" one. Well I can honestly admit and apologize to any that I may have convinced, that I could not have been more from the truth.

I'm not going to switch careers or anything, but I now have a reference in wich to self reflect and "get a grip!"

79 of 82 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent history and explanation of attachment theory, June 4, 1998

By	Mary A. Axford "Mary of Many Colors" (Atlanta, GA, USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Extremely well-written book in that it is easily understood by the lay person, yet gracefully expresses complex ideas and processes, and is such a complete overview of attachment theory as to be of as much use to the professional as the lay person.

Attachment theory addresses child development in terms of whether or not there is a loving attachment to a parental figure. Through following the history of the development of attachment theory the author explains the theory, the evidence supporting it, and the effects upon the individual.

While supportive of attachment theory, Karen is careful to explain the views of its critics, and to show how those criticisms often improved the theory.

I am not a psychologist, but someone with Borderline Personality Disorder trying to make sense of my life in order to improve it. Karen's work helped me enormously. His scientific orientation to provide good theory grounded in reseach and evidence is fused with his warm humanity and concern for individuals and society.

Therefore I recommend the book to professional psychologists, teachers, makers of public policy, and others who deal with children. But also I recommend it highly to those on the quest for self-understanding.

53 of 55 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Required reading for anyone who works with children., August 9, 2001

By	Rocco B. Rubino "Rocco R." (Ohio) - See all my reviews (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)

The struggle to understand the parent-child bond touches us deeply because we intuitively sense that our first relationships hold many clues to how we've become who we are (Karen, 1994). I chose to do a report on this book because of the keen interest I have in children, their development, well-being and emotional life.

Dr. Karen's book is a goldmine of insight, posing the age-old question ; How do we become who we are? Central to the answer is attachment theory, which, in the words of Dr. Karen, 'encompasses both the quality and strength of the parent-child bond, the ways in which it forms and develops, how it can be damaged and repaired, and the long-term impact of separations, losses, wounds, and deprivations. Beyond that, it is a theory of love and its central place in human life' ...

I feel that I came across this book serendipitously as Dr. Karen's work has further added to my knowledge base, and my understanding by confirming opinions I have developed by watching people interact with children. After reading this book you will find yourself noticing certain behaviors on display that may have previously escaped your gaze. I can't stress how much this book as helped me as a special ed. teacher, parent, and as a counseling practitioner-to-be.

I earnestly hope that I have the opportunity to share these insights with teachers, administrators, parents, and especially children as my career progresses.