Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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83 of 93 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Didn't work for us, September 18, 2007
I would like to respond to the reviewers that suggest those of us who disliked babywise didn't read it, or didn't apply its principles properly. I read, re-read and highlighted the book after a friend of mine recommended it. And for a solid month I faithfully attempted to place my newborn on the babywise schedule, but it just did not work for my son. For example, my son often awoke earlier from his nap than the schedule would allow. Sometimes he would wake crying, sometimes happy. If he was crying, I would allow him to cry because the book suggests if your baby awakes crying he did not get enough sleep. But, he never fell back asleep. So then I would feed him only to find he was starving. But how was I to know he was hungry...babwise never once discusses reading your baby's cues, only "mom, not baby, decides when nap begins, and mom, not baby, decides when nap ends." If he woke happy, then I really was in a bind. He would play awake in his crib (even if I didn't go to him) so now he was having activity before eating (a babywise no-no). But if I fed him, he would be fed before 2 ½ hours (another babywise no-no). I tried putting him to bed for naps earlier, because the book states that if your child awakes early he probably was overtired and needed less activity, but my son would still awake after 45-60 minutes. I was constantly stressed out.
After one month on babywise, my son was still not back to his birth weight. I quit using the system and my son started rapidly gaining weight. We both became happier. I can't say I disagree with the overall concepts of the book...promoting full feedings instead of snacking, frequent daytime feedings to help baby distinguish day from night, teaching a baby to fall asleep on his/her own, and the importance of sleep to both a baby and his/her parents. I just disagree with the presentation. Babywise assumes all babies fit into its schedule, and in truth, they just don't.
This is obviously a very controversial book. I do not think you have to have an MD/PhD after your name to know something about raising a baby, but the fact that the author has absolutely no medical/childcare background concerns me, especially when the concepts are so radically different from what most pediatricians/child psychologists recommend. Just because something works (i.e. gets you baby to sleep through the night), doesn't make it the best thing for your child.
As a side note, I never co-slept or wore my baby in a sling all day long (though I feel if this works for you and your baby then great...this just isn't my style of parenting). I definitely feel babies need parental guidance, but I think parents must take their baby's temperaments into account. Once I started reading other books, I learned how to better read my babies cues, and I no longer had to fight him to sleep, eat or stay awake. I used a combination of several other books (No Cry Sleep Solution, Sleep Lady's Gentle Guide and Baby Whisperer) and am happy to report I have a 9 month old who sleeps 11 hours per night and takes 2 good naps a day...oh and has been sleeping 10 hrs/night since 3 months of age. He is an absolute joy and everywhere I take him people comment on how happy and content he is...in church, restaurants and shopping. It can be done without babywise!
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17 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Somewhat Helpful But Too Controlling, June 5, 2008
I am a first-time mom of a now 6 month old baby, and I have read SEVERAL books including the No-Cry Sleep Solution, Baby Wise, The Happiest Baby on the Block, a wonderful little book called N.A.P.S., and parts of Ferber's book. Baby Wise was recommended to me by 3 very good friends. I read the book before my child was born and was ready to put him on a schedule at 3 weeks of age. That was my first mistake. I have come to realize over the past few months that it's easy to say that every baby is different, but the truth of the matter is that no one program could possibly work for every child. If it could, then there wouldn't be so many books and theories out there.
Baby Wise did not work for me. And yet without it, my son slept through the night at 2 months of age. I think I'm just lucky. I don't believe it's necessarily because of anything special that my husband and I did. I do think it might have had something to do with The Happiest Baby on the Block because that book led us to swaddle our baby which lengthened his nighttime sleep and naps dramatically. And yet we dropped swaddling at night at 2 months of age.
Here's my main issue with Baby Wise. It states ideas like "Mom, not baby, decides when the nap begins and when the nap ends." There's also a similar statement about Mom deciding how much comes out of the bottle, not the baby. At the time I didn't think much of it. Now when I think about those statements, it makes it sound like a power struggle between a parent and a baby. An infant does not have an agenda. He or she is not trying to manipulate the parents. That comes later. :-)
I was talking to a friend whose baby is due in 2 months. I told her that what I had truly learned in the past 6 months is that no one technique works for every baby and that what works for my baby one day may not work for him the next. I also told her that it is easier for me to adapt to my son than for him to adapt to me. And that part is tough because he doesn't nap well. And I've left him to cry, thinking I would try that idea that Mom decides when the nap ends. Whatever. I don't want my son sleeping from exhaustion due to screaming his head off for an hour or more. That's not Baby Kind.
The irony here is that I am very much a control freak. And this book is too controlling for me. It's too much, and I think it expects too much out of an innocent, helpless baby who has no agenda or the ability to manipulate. And guess what? He's a really happy baby, laughing and talking and still sleeping 11 hours at night. I hope every night that it lasts, but I imagine that one night soon, he might wake up. And I'll go to him because I'll know he needs me.
All of this said, I only have the one child. A routine and schedule is more than likely more necessary if you have more than one child. So I can see why friends recommended it. But to expect this rigid routine from a baby whose nervous system is still maturing is just expecting too much. Let your baby be a baby, and enjoy him or her through every stage, no matter how trying.
Bottom line...this book expects too much of a baby. There is a lesser-known book called N.A.P.S. that got me through a trying period of short naps, and like I said earlier, The Happiest Baby on the Block got me through the early weeks due to the swaddling. I also really love the theory that Karp promotes of the 1st 3 months of life basically being the 4th trimester. I think that's what he calls it anyway.
So you see, 2 books helped me along the way,and I'm sure I'll read more as the need arises. Just be realistic if you buy this book and expect your baby to be a baby, not a miniature adult.
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35 of 43 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Don't be freaked out, August 7, 2008
I absolutely disagree with the comments telling you to throw BabyWise in the trash and that feeding on demand is the only way to stimulate an adequate milk supply, limiting and scheduling feedings is a sure path to a lowered milk supply, early weaning, and even failure-to-thrive in your baby.
Schedule feeding will not diminish your milk supply and schedule feeding is not the ONLY way to stimulate an adequate milk supply, the entire time you breastfeed. I do believe that it helps establish your milk supply, but you do not have to do it to maintain your milk supply. And if you read the book you would note that in the beginning they recommend feeding your baby whenever the baby wants in order to get your milk supply started and stimulate the baby's growth (for the first few weeks). Then you can, with your established milk supply happily set up a routine for you and your child. You have long consistent feedings that let your child take in what they need.
I cherished feeding times cause it was such a time of bonding and closeness. My children never failed to thrive, and never weaned early. I did use schedule feeding with my children and I had a more than adequate milk supply. I breastfed all for a full year, with scheduled feedings and never once had a problem with my milk supply. My doctor was even surprised at the amount of milk I produced. My children were happy, healthy and well-fed. Their bodies were able to regulate and their little digestive systems were not all out of whack from inconsistent meal times or meal sizes.
This is such a great point in this book that people seem to miss. If you feed your child at erratic times throughout the day, or just give them a nibble here and there then a full meal later...how in the world will their little bodies get regulated? It helps give their bodies a rhythm, and helps the child know what to expect. Once they wake up they know moms here and its time to eat, then they get to play and have fun and bond some more, then they get to take a good rest and mom can rest too, read a book, do some laundry, work, whatever she needs. Then the child can wake up again, knowing what's coming next. How does this not help establish closeness, dependency and love. The child will eventually sleep through the night because its body is in a rhythm all of ours falls into. Day and night, eat and sleep cycles. Do you not eat, sleep, and work, pretty close to the same time each day? Its human nature, we all do it and doctors tell us its good for us (try to go to bed around the same time every night...) This book is just giving you tools to help your baby establish the same kind of cycle.
And I loved the freedom it gave me when going out or planning activities. I would have a pretty good idea of when the children would wake up and what was going to happen throughout the day and I could plan accordingly. Instead of not knowing when they'd wake up or when I'd have to feed. I knew they were getting fed well, sleeping well and playing well. And yes, there were times this got knocked completely out of whack and my baby was hungry and crying 30 minutes after she just finished...nothing else was wrong, but she still showed signs of hunger so I fed her. Or she slept a little less/more, whatever. She is a little human, we are all not perfect and we all have good days, bad days, growth spurts, etc. Life happens and you have to be able to go with the flow. But these instances were few and far between, and they were not a big deal when they did happen.
You have to use good judgement. The book and author are not the parents and no one knows your child better than you. Don't get freaked out by people saying this book is DANGEROUS. Have a little bit of common sense and let your heart tell you what is best for you.
I can honestly say that the guidelines in this book worked wonders for me. My children are great sleepers and they wake up happy and content. Not all the time though, they still have their rough mornings...but who doesn't. This book will not make your child the perfect error free child...who wants that? But it helps you to establish routine, consistency and some peace of mind.
I have had atleast 15 families that are close to me use this book. Some followed the guidelines rigidly, some (like me) used what made sense and felt good for them and I do not know anyone in any of those families who does not emphatically recommend this book to other friends and family. Breastfeed or bottle feed, schedule feed or demand feed...whatever is best for you. But this book is not dangerous and if you are looking for some help or guidelines its a great option.
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