Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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320 of 360 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
A more neutral perspective, November 25, 2005
I am not interested in Ezzo- or GFI-bashing here in this review.
As a mom of three infant boys, each a little over a year apart with one more on the way, I see nothing wrong with the gist of the Babywise book. The principles for eating and sleeping work rather well if you employ them with some grace and flexibility as tiny ones require. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Ezzo's do not suggest tossing your tenderness, intuition, or creative parenting out the window--they provide some basic eating/sleeping instructions very similar to those sent home with Mom a generation ago from Dr. Spock, the pediatrician, or the hospital nurse (but not highly common nowadays due to the AAP's shift in philosophy). Such advice will not harm your baby unless you employ their methods religiously as if it is the "magic formula" to enjoying newborns. There exists no such formula--not in Ezzo, and not in the Sears or child-centered camp either.
Briefly, the basic principles covered include:
1. Feeding approx every three hours
2. Trying to keep your baby awake during feedings and a little afterwards.
3. Putting your baby down to sleep before the next feeding
4. Keeping your baby on a eat-wake-sleep routine to help their hunger stabilize for faster nighttime sleeping.
5. Trying not to allow babies to become overdependent for sleep on any one prop (rocking, swings, slings, pacifiers, car rides, etc).
6. Generally helping the baby's needs to fit into you and your family's routine, rather than arranging you and your family's needs completely around the baby's routine (or having none at all).
I maintain that these principles, while presented a little briskly, are not damaging to infants. They are in fact very helpful if after a month or two your baby does not naturally seem to eat or sleep with any pattern, or if he/she has the days and nights mixed up. But people take the Ezzo's too far when they pretend that their methods are gospel to tending, pacifying, or loving newborns--or MAKING them do anything. All they can do is provide guidelines for structure. And yet there is a tendency for new parents with a distinctively wailing newborn to be anxious for solutions to stop the crying, and for signs that they are feeding the child enough, doing all the right things. If you follow Ezzo (or Sears) believing that they will keep you safe, your real relationship with your baby may suffer because that is the wrong mentality to approach parenting. It is this formula-seeking, intimidated approach to parenting that is the real danger to a child's health and psychology, not the actual guidelines in the book. I thoroughly believe that any wild incidents you hear about concerning Ezzo-following came from this mentality, at the root.
That said, it is also true that not all methods are created equal. With one preschooler, one two-year old, one baby, and one forthcoming child in the house now, my husband and I have found that a philosophy which leans a little more towards where the Ezzo's are coming from produces better results than the philosophy that the Sears' or even the AAP endorses, especially by late toddlerhood. The tendency for child-centered parenting to go awry by the two-year old stage--for the parent OR the two-year old!--is noticeable. And the time demands on a parent (or two) practicing this way is almost impossible if you work or your children's ages are close together.
I agree that Babywise could use a little more seasoning of flexibility and lovingkindness in its presentation. It seems to assume that you have already heard all the right ways to parent and is therefore coming from a corrective position rather than an objectively inexperienced one. However, the basic principles are presented clearly and that is the purpose of the book. I found that the principles worked especially well with my first son who cried a lot, had reflux, and could have been considered "a difficult baby." The advice was not so necessary for my next two sons who were easier babies in the eating/sleeping area (and had a more experienced mom!). For more warmth and depth, I'd recommend Tracy Hogg's "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" which combines the best of the Babywise advice along with some humor and nuanced examples of how to apply this stuff.
Or, on the philosophy end, you can try "The Mission of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson for a vision of motherhood as a whole and then try to apply the Babywise advice in that context. After all, parenting (even infants) is not just about helping them to eat and sleep right... although it certainly feels like that for the first couple months.
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28 of 31 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
What's wrong with child-led parenting?, January 10, 2005
I've read equal portions of Ezzo's books and other baby books, I guess you could say I've read things at all ends of the spectrum. The fact that the AAP and so many pediatricians have come out against "Babywise" should be a warning sign that parents should take seriously, there are many other baby books without warnings. Though a Babywise baby may be quiet and well-behaved, at what cost? You can cause any infant or child to be quiet and well-behaved if you neglect their immediate needs enough times ... if they learn that their needs will not be met, they stop asking for what they need. That doesn't mean they are thriving; it only means that your life is "easier." The long-term risks of Babywise parenting don't outweigh the short-term benefits, IMO.
Anecdotal evidence alone isn't enough to prove any baby book is superior to any other. "My kids are just fine" or "People love to be around Babywise babies" is anecdotal evidence. What really matters is what the medical and psychological communities have to say based on studies of the longer-term effects of any parenting method. There was a time when beating a child was considered great parenting because of anecdotal evidence shared from parent to parent, we now know the harmful long-term effects of such abusive parenting. I believe Babywise needs to be studied further, and parents need to take heed of the AAP and other warnings.
On a personal note, I believe in the comforting power and the many benefits of routine for me and my baby, although I do not believe in scheduling. She is 12 weeks old and we go on outings regularly, we have since she was 2 weeks old. I am an "AP" parent. Our outings are "successful" in that she's quiet and smiling, and people always stop to compliment us on that. Does that mean AP parenting is what every parent must do? No. It means my baby is an individual, and she is a happy, smiley baby. This is why anecdotal evidence means nothing in terms of rating any book that puts forth a scientific method of child-raising.
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53 of 63 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Very misunderstood, but wonderful book, February 22, 2006
A friend recommended this book to me before my first daughter was born, and after reading the reviews on Amazon, I was certain that I wanted no part of it. After my friend assured me that the things I had read were in no way true, I bought the book and have used it with both my girls, and recommended it to everyone I know expecting babies.
First of all, this book NEVER says not to feed your baby if he/she is hungry. In fact, it states in bold, in several places, that you absolutely need to feed your baby if he/she is hungry, regardless of whether they last ate 3 hours ago or 1 hour ago. One of the main points of the book is to try and figure out why your baby is crying or upset. If he/she is hungry, feed the baby. However, your baby may cry for many reasons, and not all of them are because the baby is hungry. Feeding your baby everytime he/she cries leads the baby to snacking, which isn't good for you, and is especially bad for the baby if you are breastfeeding. The richest, most calorie dense milk (hind milk) is found toward the end of the feeding cycle, and doesn't come the first few minutes of nursing. If your baby is snacking, he/she is never getting that rich hind milk.
The second main point of the book is to change the cycle that most parents employ with their babies. Instead of putting the baby to bed right after feeding, feed the baby after he/she wakes up from naps. This way, the baby will stop eating when he/she is full, not when he/she is tired, which is a huge problem, especially with very little babies.
I don't believe there is one single right way to raise children, so if you've read the book and don't think that their methods fit with your lifestyle or goals, that's one thing. But I can't see how anyone who has actually read the book can dismiss it as dangerous. Again, the book tells you in several place, in big, bold letters, that if your baby is hungry, FEED YOUR BABY!
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