Customer Reviews

On Becoming Childwise: Parenting Your Child from 3-7 Years

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(11)

 

 

I am the mother of two children. My six year old is naturally sweet and fairly compliant. My four year old has such a joyful spirit, but I could not seem to get the child to obey. This became a very dangerous situation one day while playing outside. We had often played in this park that was fenced in next to a busy road, but this particular day he squeezed through the bars of the fence and started running around in circles near the road. With tremendous fear, I screamed and cried and pleaded for him to come back (there was no way I could sqeeze through, climb over, or even go around the fence), but he just liked doing things his own way. There was no way for me to get to him. It finally occured to me to send his sister in after him and she returned him to me safely.

I knew at that point that I had to do something or this child was going to kill himself. I was wary of actually purchasing this book since Gary Ezzo has been the target of such bad press, so I checked it out at the library to see what it had to say.

I noticed a difference in his behavior right away. Just simply insisting that the children respond to me with "Yes, Mommy," allows them to verbally agree that they are going to obey me.

I was so worried that if I toughened up at all that I would crush his sweet little spirit, but that hasn't happened. He still has that little twinkle in his eye and is full of enthusiasm for life. He's just happier now because he clearly knows his boundaries.

I have read "On Becoming Babywise" (vol. I and II) as well as the "Toddlerwise", "Preschool", and have just finished "Childwise". Here is what I found particularly helpful in the "On Becoming..." Series:
1)The emphasis on a loving marriage.
2)Stressing healthy eating and sleeping habits as a foundation to happy children (if you are smart about it even a busy mom can serve healthy food)
3)Obtaining eye contact then expecting a "Yes, Mama" or "Yes, Papa" after you ask your child to do something. More importantly, is the idea that even at a fairly young age, you begin to teach your child the "whys" of your rules (e.g. "We take care of other people's property!"). Said at an opportune moment, and always with the same inflection it can become a mantra that your little one soon enough will understand. ... My neighbor watched our two children (3 years and 15 months)for two hours while I helped my husband direct the moving company. ... At the end of their playtime together, the neighbor said to the oldest (boy)that they may just leave the toys out and she would get them later. My son then replied, "Oh no, we take care of other people's property" and then began to put the toys away. ...
4)Complimenting your child's good behavior to reinforce it ("Thank you, Samuel for not allowing the screen door to slam while baby Sara is sleeping. That was very considerate."). ... Add a gentle hug and you have a 2 1/2 year old beaming with pride. ... Now as a 3 y/o, making his big-boy bed makes him even more proud.
5)Deciding whether your child is being disobedient or just childish (it makes a difference). ...

There are other wonderful tools I have integrated into my parenting tool belt. These book have been a delight to use. ... Because we do not just live from moment to moment, we can also plan for lifes little pleasures (e.g. playtime with Mama and Papa or even family outtings).
... Despite what Attatchment Parenting people believe, training your child to navigate through his society is not a bad thing, it is the right thing and loving thing to do.

As parents of a three year old, my wife and I often encounter parents who seem to be ruled by the whims of their young children. You don't have to be an expert on child development to know that a young child needs boundaries and discipline. And yet so many parents today are reluctant to provide this. By trying to be their child's "friend" they are faling the child as parents. In this excellent little book, the authors provide a welcome antidote to much of the so-called "child centric" theory currently in vogue. According to this book, childhood is to be divided into a number of periods with the appropriate parental relationship different in each period. In the period covered by this book, 3-7, the authors stress the need for parents to bring their children under the control of parental authority. Only once children respect the authority of their parents can they be taught the important lessons and values that will turn them into healthy adults. The authors provide numerous case studies of situations in which parents do or do not act appropriately. At the end of each chapter they provide review questions. Each chapter concerns a different area of potential trouble. For example in one chapter the authors condem the notion of excessive choice. In another chapter, the authors discuss the vital importance of discipline and stress the absolute necessity that every act of discipline impart a lesson that the parents are teaching. In other words, discipline should never be out of anger but as an instructional tool.

This book has a great deal to offer. Many parents don't realize the harm they are doing their children through overindulgence. WHen I see friends whose children have no bedtime, whose older children refuse to stay in their rooms at night, who refuse to do their homework, who will not eat dinner at the family table, who rule the household, I realize that the pendulum has swung to far in the other direction. I think the authors are a little inflexible on certain issues. For example, I find that providing children with choices (reasonable ones of course) can give them a sense of empowerment. The trick is to make them choose "A" or "B" not to give them the choice of saying "no" altogether. This book provides food for thought. I highly recommend that readers of this book read Dr. Spock's Guide to Baby and Childcare. Spock is not the child centered theorist that people think and he too argues that children need structure, discipline and a sense that their parents are authority figures.

I just finished this book and I'm happy I bought it. Because I bought it at a consignment store for a small price, I feel like I got a good deal. I will start by saying I don't believe there is a "God's Way" to raise a child, at least not one for which a human being is expert. The authors clearly do believe in a "God's Way" the way they interpret it. But I do like the principles of child raising that this book is based on. A few of them are: "Parent now, be friends later"; "Other people count"; "To teach a virtue, one example (you) is better than a thousand lectures"; and "Constantly reminding a child to do what is expected only means you have no expectations."

I started out raising my now-three-year-old son following a lot of attachment parenting principles. I still love some of these principles. However, over the months and years I found that using a little more structure with him brought better results for me, him, and my husband. I learned that my son really does need parental guidance and that solely following his cues was a little too chaotic and he did not necessarily learn all the things I wanted him to know. (Exception: With infants you must pay careful attention to their cues and, of course, medical expertise.)

One of the parts I liked best in this book was the idea of having your child say, "Yes, Mommy," or "Yes, Daddy," after you call for them or ask them to do something. This accomplishes two things: the child commits to doing what you've asked and therefore is accountable if they choose to disobey, and it contributes to respectful communication. I would like my child to have choices occasionally, but I don't think it's helpful for him, me, or society at large if he gets into a habit of yelling "No!" at me when he doesn't like a certain choice. There are some things that a parent must decide, for safety's sake if nothing else. At times when he can choose whether or not he wants something, it is courteous for him to say "No, thank you," (rather than the petulant tone of voice so often used) and use good manners. The only way for him to learn good manners is for someone to teach him and consistently reinforce the habit.

Another part I liked was the illustration of how to teach a child the appropriate way to interrupt a conversation. With this information, a child can still get the attention of a parent in the midst of an ongoing adult conversation but do it in a way that does not rudely interrupt the person talking.

My third favorite part of the book is the advice about transferring responsibility for children's tasks and chores from parent to child. This is hard to do at first because it's easier for the child (in the short term) if you will assume final responsibility for their chores being completed. Many, many parents have experienced the amount of work it takes to have responsibility for the whole household! This section gives a practical strategy for keeping the responsibility on the child's shoulders (in an age-appropriate way).

Overall, the book has too few practical tips and strategies. If all sections were written like my favorite three parts (above), I would give this book a much higher rating. Another factor is that I don't agree with everything the authors say your children should do. For example, I don't think it's quite as big a deal whether or not children call everybody "Mr." and "Mrs." Children can be courteous and well-liked without doing this. If you want your children to grow into polite, compassionate, respectful, thinking human beings, I think you can get something out of this book. Read it, but only if you are able take what you like from it and leave the rest.

Of course, I do NOT agree with everything in this book and i am not religious at all. HOWEEVR< that is how I feel abut most parenting books, i take what works for me and ignore the rest. I am baffled at how many moms who consider themselves positive think this books is not compatible with a positive parenting method. Of course it is! I loved it and have modified it to fit my VERY "positive" approach to parenting and my TWINS are becomming very well behaved (yet still fun loving free spirits) by my following some of what this book suggests. I do give my children decisions, redirect, no spanking or yelling etc --- and I also have the veto power by using MOMMY decisions - and say NO from tiem to time - as it should be. I am the parent, not the big sister! Too many people confuse positive parenting with "over indulgence" and they are at times raising spoiled brats who will probably have a harder time in their lives as adults... I love my kids and feel no guilt by using some of these methods to teach them respect and to teach them mommy is the boss... I do not see that as negative in any way... so, please read this book if you are, like me, a positive mom, who still wants your childrens respect.

This book saved my relationship with my 4 year old daughter, who had gone from being this really sweet little girl to one who argued with me every hour of every day. When I read the section on too many choices, I saw us!!!! I have implemented many of the suggestions the book offers and she has developed into an absolute amazing child!!! I am constantly receiving compliments on her good behavior, her kindess to others, how well she respects other and how well she can entertain herself. I almost didn't buy this book because I read the negative reviews on it (& I LOVED the Babywise book) and they're so scathing. However, I recommend this- everyone has their own approach to parenting that works for them. Do not let the negative reviews scare you- read the book and decide for yourself. There is absolutely NOTHING that could be harmful to your child. In fact, I've come to believe that the people who write the negative reviews have either never read the book or completely misunderstand the principles.

It is so nice to get compliments on our parenting and our children. Are kids are far from little darlings....just regular kids who eat right, get enough sleep, and are respectful (most of the time). We owe that to the book. We loved Babywise when our Pediatrician recommended it to us for our first son who was still not sleeping through the night at six months old (worked within three days) and right away for our second one. When our second child started tantruming at age 3.5 we turned back to this book. Wish we would have read the Toddlerwise book before we got here. It would have avoided a lot of problems. Now we look forward to Preteen Wise. Really helps with our marriage too. I love couch time!

We have four children (ages 7-2). This book is filled with wonderful advice. I read the book twice and took notes. We are using, "Yes, Mommy" and "Yes, Daddy" and it has been very helpful in preventing the need for discipline.
I love the suggestion that children need to know not only what they did wrong, but also the principle behind it.
I also liked the idea of teaching the children the difference of saying, "I'm sorry" and "Will you forgive me?".
This book is wonderful for any parent, whether they are experiencing huge discipline issues, or whether they just need a few more tools to add to their "belt".

I have worked the baby wise and now child wise concepts in my home since my first born arrived a little over 2 years ago. My husband and I are constantly amazed at the results we get by following a few basic ideals.

Even our pediatrician asked if we followed the babywise/childwise philosophy. I said yes, how did you know? Her answer was simple and direct. She said, "I've seen thousands of children and the babywise (childwise) children are consistantly healthy and very confident" She continued to sing the praises of these books and our child. In fact, at our 2 year check up she gave us, the parents, an A+. I can't tell you how gratifying a feeling that is for a first time parent.

I've read the negative reviews on Mr. Ezzo's books and I'm baffled. But if you read the reviews of the parents that actually read and applied the philosphy in these books to there own children, most of those reviews are positive. That says a lot.

The final proof to myself that I'm doing the right thing by my child is the behavior of many of the kids in my moms' group. All the children (around 25) are within 2 months in age. The other moms ask me, how do you get your son to mind? He actually comes when you say, "Come here". He listens when you say no. He takes his nap everyday. He goes to bed without incident at night. He eats the dinner you put in front of him...I could go on and on.

My son and I had a play date with one of them yesterday. Her child has been "on-demand" feeding since day one and has always slept in the parents' bed. This whole week, the child wouldn't take a nap and has had hysterical melt-downs every afternoon. She finally fell asleep while we were there (around 5pm) and slept for a short while, only to be up until midnight that night. The mother cries to me, "I don't know what to do".

I wish I could tell her Babywise (Childwise), but I don't think the mom is willing to change what she's been doing. But you can...start from day one with Babywise. It's hard work at first, but trust me, it pays off in the long run and you too can have healthy, confident and wonderful children.

What a wonderful parenting guide. These are principles that we can apply right now, and now I understand why I have so many problems with instant gratification issues. ... Great book, I highly recommend to any parent who is dedicated to raising a confident, moral child.