Customer Reviews

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes

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As much as we tend to "tip-toe" around end-of-life matters with family and friends, Parker however takes the reader on a warm and touching journey with "loud and clear" steps about what she calls, "The Other Side of Through." Throughout the book, you can't help but reflect on your life situation wherever you may be on life's timeline. It is a must-read for those thousands of "baby boomers" like me because 1. We are entering that phase of our life where, quite frankly, we begin to seriously think about our own mortality and all that that means, and 2. Many of us have had to be, or will face the very likely possibility of being, a care-giver to a loved one. "Being Dead Right" answers so many questions on the issues of hospice care almost from A-Z and is told in a very readable, informative and humane way. In her book, Parker indeed lets full sun shine on a topic long lain hid. Excellent job.

This book was enlightning and a pleasure to read. I found it difficult to put down. Each of many patient related stories told was captivating and conveyed significant and often imperative messages. Comprehensive, insightful, empathetic, amusing, comforting and instructive are all applicable adjectives. Becoming Dead Right is a gift of sagacity to us all.

I really enjoyed the book, "Becoming Dead Right." The book was powerfully written and allowed the reader to feel the joys, frustrations, excitement and pain of the men and women in Hospice Care. My favorite part was the poems that were peppered in throughout the book that gave the book an extra special touch. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to read a book that puts a story and face with the people in Hospice Care.

Let's face it: Becoming Dead Right is a startling use of double entendre. It grew on me as a reader, since ultimately there's no time that straight talk is more required than at, and about, end of life. Placing judgement aside, "wrong" ways of dying have detrimental effects on patient-families; "right" ways of dying make end days as humane as can be, for both the dying and their survivors.

Humaneness is the critical quality that is often misplaced or absent from critical care. Parker's humanity is palpable. Every school principal must imbue it (even if half her kids may go to their own graves in denial of their school principal's humanity), so it's no surprise she would manifest it as a hospice worker and writer.

Yet I was surprised, and touched, and bolstered. As a writer on end-of-life matters, I expect others who write on dying and death to do so with great dignity, empathy, and poise. The subject requires it. So why my surprise? I think it stems from several directions.
- Poetry. If inuendo has no place in end-of-life conversations, and metaphor ignites understanding as it relieves duress, poetry occupies a middle ground. Parker's inclusion of personal poems throughout adds a a poignant, exploratory dimension to her narrative.
- Cultural mileu #1: Inside the Looking Glass. Reading messages that emanate from inside hospice differs from reading information about hospice. Parker gives us the real deal, distinct from intellectual abstraction (no matter how important the latter may be when the subject is end-of-life choices). Parker's "person-studies" help explain, in a very accessible manner, what hospice offers.
- Cultural mileu #2: Race. For those of us outside the black community, Becoming Dead Right offers a glimpse into the human fabric that makes Black America rich in ways that are intrinsic to their unique identity as a people. The glimpse arises naturally, through the telling. It's subtle, and probably unintentional--making this book all the more valuable.

And if Parker can help manifest her vision of Boomer Haven on a national scale, I'd queue up when it's my turn--even if I wasn't already predisposed.

-- Bart Windrum, author of Notes from the Waiting Room: Managing a Loved One's End-of-Life Hospitalization

I have been working in the hospice industry full time for a little over two years and I have not seen a better depiction of this topic. Ms. Parker's book gives the most descriptive and genuine look into the true nature of hospice. Most people don't truly know the many benefits of hospice and have a negative viewpoint of hospice. Ms. Parker's book is informative, straightforward, factual and timely. I think her book should be used for training in hospice courses and within hospice organizations across the country.

Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice
Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes
Author: Frances Shani Parker
Publisher: Loving Healing Press
ISBN: 978-1932690354

Frances Shani Parker has woven a beautiful and touching tapestry of life and death; sharing her stories and poems about the very memorable and wonderful patients she worked with as a hospice volunteer. Already extremely busy as a principal, the author decided to learn about becoming a hospice volunteer. Following the workshops, she began her volunteer stint working with patients in urban nursing homes. She chose to visit patients in nursing homes because she believed they were probably less likely to have family and other visitors, and may be in need of outside companionship . Most of her patients were African America, but of course she had some patients of other ethnic groups also.

By sharing her experiences as a hospice volunteer, she allows her readers to take a look inside a situation most of us know nothing about. Through these stories, we learn about the individual patients she works with, along with gaining a much more thorough understanding of the entire hospice system and philosophy. Dying with dignity and peacefullness is something that we all deserve. Hospice care is an important part of ensuring that many people can experience death this way. Numerous races, ages, religious and spiritual beliefs, and life experiences are illustrated here. The process of dying is something that we, as a society, tend to ignore or leave undiscussed. The role of an individual's life experiences, mindset, ability to communicate and religious beliefs all play a huge part in how they interpret the process of death. Ms. Parker has included poetry along with short stories to share her impressions of her patients. In every instance, she found herself learning more about life, and by sharing these lessons we can learn them too.

The book does a great service by bringing the details of hospice to the general reader. We learn how the hospice system can fit into the healthcare system (or lack thereof) in our country today. The final portion of the book is a "tour" of what could be described as the epitome of the place that we all wish we could utilize for ourselves or family members as we/they face the end of life on earth. With the aging of the baby boomer segment of our population, the needs of Americans from the hospice care system becomes greater and greater.

These stories are offered with love and respect by the author to each reader, and you feel that caring and warmth that she offered to each patient she worked with. I will remember many of the stories and the patients they illustrate for some time to come. It's both touching and thought-provoking, and would be a book appreciated at many different levels by all readers. Exceptional ! !

For anyone who works with our aging population, you need to read this book. This book tells the stories of the voiceless. Not only is it a profound discussion about what is happening in nursing homes, it also is a pleasure to read. There were moments in her book that took my breath away. I also appreciated the last section of her book which teaches us how to get it right. The time is now for us to change our nursing homes back into a "home", not an institution.

Dr. Peter A. Lichtenberg, in his foreword to this book, describes death as `unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and increasingly a taboo topic'. Today, few of us have the time, care, and will to discuss the `final departure' without losing serenity. In most cases, as we may rightly guess, death is too painful a reality to find a place in our conversations, and even in our thoughts. Only first-hand experiences of caring for the dying put us in touch with the flip side of this natural phenomenon. Frances Shani Parker's Becoming Dead Right is a representative work of such nature as to cover the essentials of death, dying, bereavement, and care for the elderly people who are in need of it.

"Becoming Dead Right" presents the first-hand account of the author's experiences as a hospice volunteer in urban nursing homes; how she entered the hospice work; the way she gave to and received from patients in her care; and the meanings that redefined death for her. The reader finds the, rather revealing, fact that the elderly and dying people are as much involved in life with respect to thinking, sharing, and interacting with their environment as any young and healthy person is in our daily lives. Since they also have special needs, both physical and abstract, a hospice volunteer has to be an exceptionally caring, amiable, and socially wise person in order to make his/her service meet its goal: preventing pain from plaguing the departing person's life.

Miss Parker's book has equally important lessons for other people, besides hospice workers; relating legal, administrative, health, and spiritual issues. Dementia, for example, is a common problem with many old people in hospice and special needs must be covered by the patient's family and hospice staff for looking after such patients in a satisfactory way. Then there are issues of possible crime and frauds in hospice centers or related to elderly care in nursing homes; the importance of animals in improving the quality of life for many patients; the need for language interpreters; the importance of grieving and different ways of responding to the reality of death by the patient and his/her family; and so on. There is little about the subject that the author misses in her book.

With all other qualities and content, "Becoming Dead Right" provides a good documentary on the general status of hospice in contemporary urban old-care centers. The picture, of course, is far from perfection or even good enough to allow a sigh of relief. Ethnic/racial discrimination, neglect of patients, and other lapses do exist at many places and Ms. Parker's mention of the loopholes in hospice care calls for the need to improve the quality of care and administration of modern urban hospice centers. A bibliography and a list of some useful sources at the end of the book add to its informative value.

Frances Shani Parker further enriches the reader's experience of "Becoming Dead Right" by including a touching poem at the end of each chapter. As she puts it in chapter 15 of the book: Dying is a form of 'graduation'. It is the culmination of life and should be treated with great respect.

"Becoming Dead Right" is a valuable class in understanding the gist of this graduation.

As a hospice RN, I found Ms. Parker's book to be an excellent companion guide for health care workers, caregivers, family and patients who are dealing with end-of-life issues. Frances Shani chronicles the emotional, physical, social, spiritual and the practical aspects of patients receiving hospice care from her own personal experiences and encounters as a hospice volunteer. She is a gifted writer and the pages unfold with vivid stories and poetry filled with compassion, humor and honesty. Ms. Parker connects the reader with her writing through a sense of our deep and shared humanity.

Frances Shani Parker is a very skillful writer and poet who uses beautifully written anecdotes and heartwarming poetry to heighten the readers' awareness of subjects many people fear, death and caring for the dying. I was moved by Ms. Parker's storytelling ability and her perceptive writing that shared with the readers real people and real situations she experienced as an urban hospice volunteer. This book can be used easily as a reference to support individuals, health care workers and legislators who are committed to the improvement of assisting people with dying with dignity. You will definitely enjoy reading this inspiring book on a subject that will touch all of our lives.

In fact, I enjoyed the book so much that I suggested it for my monthly book club meeting. The book club members also found the book very informative and several people were inspired to enroll for training as hospice volunteers. If you have a fear or hesitation of reading a book on dying or what to do when forced with the situation of being a caregiver for a dying loved one, this enlightening book is a must read.

Faire Carter