Customer Reviews

Becoming the Parent You Want To Be: A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years

5 star:		(27)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I came across this book when my daughter was 3 after searching for a resource to better understand her developmental stages, and to give me some strategies to deal with things like tantrums and demanding behavior. After the birth of her sister, she was angry - and with me being so sleep-deprived, we were 'butting heads' and our relationship seemed to be going in a direction that worried me. I'm so glad I found this book. within the first 100 pages, I felt I already had gathered tools to improve our relationship. Unlike other books, this one teaches through REAL examples, and teaches you to truly see the child's perspective and that in turn gives you the understanding you need to make the right decisions. The moment I actually 'worked through' a tantrum and IT ACTUALLY WORKED I was stunned. I go back to this book so often - especially when in those weak moments I don't handle something the way I would have hoped - and through the real stories of other parents, you are reassured that you are only human and tomorrow is another chance to strive to make the best decisions you can for your child. I have recommended this book to every parent I meet.

As everyone so far has written, this is a wonderful, empathetic book. It includes a wealth of information, in a depth rarely found in popular parenting books. As a single mom, I appreciated that the authors do not assume that everyone has the "ideal" two-parent middle class WASP family. However, although the book's subtitle says that it is for the first five years, I find some of its advice on infant care questionable. They think it is okay to let your baby cry to learn independence, if it agrees with the parents' values. They also wrongly claim that "...some children never lose interest in nursing..." and advocate adult-led weaning. Buy this book for helpful information about your toddler and preschooler, but for babies, see the books by Martha and William Sears (The Baby Book, Parenting the Fussy Baby and High Need Child, The Discipline Book) for a more sensitive approach.

What a relief to stumble across this book as my son turns twenty months! The authors provide detailed discussions of how to construct a parenting philosphy that "honors the impulse" behind children's behavior in a variety of situations: play, toileting, sleeping (or not), physical activity, child care, conflict and friendship. It handles less frequently handled topics as well, such as young children's sex play, racism, and homophobia. The book is a strong advocate for parents. Having a family with children, they stress, is not a project of controlling children but rather of balancing interests between all family members. Unlike many parenting books, this work lets the parent reflect on what his or her own family's boundaries should be while offering information about children's possible perspectives in specific situations and ideas for respecting these perspectives. I also appreciated the invitation to think about one's own upbring in order to create a set of practices to model for our own children. Single parents, gay parents, and parents of non-Christian faith are all actively included in the examples, which are helpfully and skillfully drawn from one of the author's parenting groups. In a welcome departure from many parenting books, fathers and men are also considered to be equally capable of and interested in raising their children. I have enjoyed incorporating the author's ideas into my daily interactions with my son and husband. I suspect that many other parents who don't fit into the "What to expect..." advice series would as well. Several friends will be getting this as a gift for the holidays!!!

I have read a lot of parenting books and I really love this one. It talks about children's feelings and also the feelings of adults. This book is not just about raising your children, but also raising yourself. She talks about the way society sees things and how we shouldn't worry what society thinks. It also talks about the way we were taught by our own parents and how that can come out with your own children. It shows that feelings of sadness, anger, embarrassment are all natural and we need to let our children know that, but to teach them to express those feelings in good ways. I think this book is a must read for any parent. We need to view our children like they are.....little people with feelings. They are not our property. We are here to guide them and to teach them.

The old joke goes (and it's really not so funny, when you stop to think about it) "how come you need a license to fish, but you don't need a license to become a parent?"

If there ever were a parenting license, this would be one of the manuals to study before taking the test. This book goes far beyond the how-to manuals or ask-the-expert books. It's for the parents who say "don't tell me what to do, show me how to figure out for myself."

The authors challenge parents to actively participate in the process of becoming a better parent, rather than merely reacting to situations and events as they arise.

Using practical advice and first-person accounts, this book presents strategies and philosophies for facing the dilemmas and challenges of raising children today.

Figuring out how to face the challenge of helping your child or children grow as mentally healthy as possible can be incredibly daunting. We may not want to duplicate our own upbringing but have respect for what our parents did for us. This book is incredibly helpful because it conveys lots of information in very supportive ways. Its authors make clear from the outset that your own values and priorities have to be what shape your parenting. They help you clarify what those are and provide countless of examples of other parents' experiences. They put an emphasis on how to appreciate your own child and what she or he is dealing with, psychologically, emotionally, physically. They also share the results of a lot of research, helping you to feel informed when don't feel like responding the way your own parents did.

This book makes a special effort to be inclusive of the variety of parenting relationships there are, and I believe very strongly that there is not a thoughtful parent who couldn't find this a valuable book.

I believe that if children could tell us what to think about them and how to listen and talk to them, then this is the book they would have written to their parents. The authors have covered almost everything there is to consider about parenting. And, they have done so in a heartfelt manner with a compassionate tone. Each parent is encouraged to explore their own needs, wishes, and feelings about parenting, as well as their own childhood history. However, this is DEFINITELY NOT a "therapeutic" workbook. Rather, this is a book about choices, differences, expectations, and feelings. It is so easy to over-identify with our young children and to want to make life better and even PERFECT for them. The authors acknowledge this and then take us one step further...young children know what is; they live in the moment, thus our children don't expect us to be perfect so why do we expect it from them? I will be giving this book forever as a gift to friends, family, and colleagues. This book is a gift!!!

This is a book that I like to give to parents who's parenting philosophy differs significantly from my own or to brand-spankin-new-doesn't-have-a-clue parents. It doesn't define the best way to do things, but helps parent's define their own style based on their own beliefs. This book is not about dogma, it's about *your* family.

This would make a great gift early in pregnancy too when mom's are highly motivated and have free time to explore ideas. Along with the AAP Birth to 5 Years reference, you've got a complete early parenting library. If I could, I'd give these two books to every new parent I know.

Appropriate for any family configuration including single parents, full-time grandparents (who may need a refresher course), and adoptive parents.

As a gay man planning on becoming a parent in the near future - via adoption - I've been hungry for resources and books about parenting. Of course, the majority of the books are written from the viewpoint of heterosexual parents, and more often than not married heterosexual parents (and sometimes also Christian), and make many assumptions about the sexual orientation of the parent AND the kind of family the reader is part of. This book was a welcome change in that it recognized the diversity of families, addressing the differences and commonalities between different families.

It may not seem like a big deal to some, but to people who are rarely acknowledged in any medium, who often have to weed out what is applicable to them, and read between the lines for useful information while their own specific situation is ignored or their kind of community or family is disregarded, it's a big deal. It sends the message "You, too, are a family," in a society where recent and on-going attempts to narrow the definition of just what is a family threatens to leave those who do not fit into the traditional mold rudderless and without shelter as we try to navigate through this society which we must all inevitably share. It's just nice to receive the message "You are a family too, and your family is important too."

This is a book that shares so many parents ideas and strategies with me as I stumble through parenting. It is unique in that I actually laugh, cry and exclaim out loud as I hear stories of these different yet same parents in so many walks of life. It gave me the most important message of listening to advice of what works and what doesnt then adjusting the advice to our unique values, situation and baby. I felt like I am not the only parent who obsses about every detail. I especially like the chapter about building a community for my family.