Becoming the Parent You Want To Be: A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years [Paperback]

Laura Davis (Author), Janis Keyser (Contributor)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

This may be the best parenting book to come around in years. Laura Davis and Janis Keyser take a straightforward, real, and respectful approach to parenting and children. The book gives solid information on sound child development as well as specific tips that run the gamut from getting your child to sleep to dealing with fear of Halloween to toileting (toilet training) as a metaphor for learning to disciplinary issues. Based on nine principals that deal with issues of time, optimism, struggle, anger, balancing needs, and learning as you go, this book will help you discover and work with your own parenting philosophy.

From Booklist

Most new parents are eager for practical advice and support from others more knowledgeable about the needs of very young children. Davis and Keyser's guide compares favorably to the American Academy of Pediatrics' similarly substantive Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age Five (1991), as it presents a warm, upbeat approach to child rearing. Davis and Keyser assume children are eager to learn, and their parents, to participate actively in their education--a philosophy that animates the nine parenting principles, which include cultivating a spirit of optimism about your children, developing a vision for your family, understanding that parents are always growing, etc., that introduce and provide a framework for the rest of the text. Davis and Keyser weave tips, techniques, and personal stories together to address children's feelings, behaviors, bodies, and relationships fluidly, readably, and confidently. Kathryn Carpenter

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Product Details

• Paperback: 448 pages
• Publisher: Broadway; 1 edition (February 3, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0553067508
• ISBN-13: 978-0553067507
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 7.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
• Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #55,642 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

120 of 131 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Great for toddlers and preschoolers, a bit off for babies, April 5, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Becoming the Parent You Want To Be: A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years (Paperback)

As everyone so far has written, this is a wonderful, empathetic book. It includes a wealth of information, in a depth rarely found in popular parenting books. As a single mom, I appreciated that the authors do not assume that everyone has the "ideal" two-parent middle class WASP family. However, although the book's subtitle says that it is for the first five years, I find some of its advice on infant care questionable. They think it is okay to let your baby cry to learn independence, if it agrees with the parents' values. They also wrongly claim that "...some children never lose interest in nursing..." and advocate adult-led weaning. Buy this book for helpful information about your toddler and preschooler, but for babies, see the books by Martha and William Sears (The Baby Book, Parenting the Fussy Baby and High Need Child, The Discipline Book) for a more sensitive approach.

42 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A well-worn and dog-eared favorite in my home, December 5, 2005

By	O. Peterson (New York City) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Becoming the Parent You Want To Be: A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years (Paperback)

I came across this book when my daughter was 3 after searching for a resource to better understand her developmental stages, and to give me some strategies to deal with things like tantrums and demanding behavior. After the birth of her sister, she was angry - and with me being so sleep-deprived, we were 'butting heads' and our relationship seemed to be going in a direction that worried me. I'm so glad I found this book. within the first 100 pages, I felt I already had gathered tools to improve our relationship. Unlike other books, this one teaches through REAL examples, and teaches you to truly see the child's perspective and that in turn gives you the understanding you need to make the right decisions. The moment I actually 'worked through' a tantrum and IT ACTUALLY WORKED I was stunned. I go back to this book so often - especially when in those weak moments I don't handle something the way I would have hoped - and through the real stories of other parents, you are reassured that you are only human and tomorrow is another chance to strive to make the best decisions you can for your child. I have recommended this book to every parent I meet.

23 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Many wonderful parts, but not about babies, June 28, 2008

By	Can Do Gal (New England, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Becoming the Parent You Want To Be: A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years (Paperback)

I am both a lactation consultant and a mental health counselor with families and children. I love this book, and suggest it all the time - with one very strong caveat. Despite the depth of sensitivity and understanding the authors have for preschoolers and older toddlers, they miss the boat about babies. As other reviewers have said, their views for younger children reflect a lack of understanding of the newest knowledge about the neuroscience of development (even the knowledge we had when the book was first published a while ago). Particularly problematic are the areas on early feeding and sleep. Better books include the popular books by William and Martha Sears, and Elizabeth Pantley's books, especially her book on sleep.

I'd like to take a minute to contradict the reviewer who alleged that following the methods in this book would result in "bratty" children. Other than the problems noted above, this book does a great job helping parents to incorporate the best that modern science knows about how to raise kids. When kids learn how to understand themselves and the world around them, they have self control. Sure, this means that sometimes you have to take the time to stop and explore their feelings and the world with them. It's more work early on, and few adults were raised this way. That doesn't mean it doesn't work better. Later, kids raised like this stand out because of their sensitivity to themselves and others. They know how to take care of themselves, and they know how to be kind.

This is a great "how to" book - parents can flip to a section about the problem they are facing and get tailored information about that problem. It goes very well with other books about emotion coaching and understanding your own process as a parent, such as: Parenting From the Inside Out by Siegel & Hartzel, John Gottman's books, even the classic How To Talk/How to Listen.