Customer Reviews

Becoming Real: Defeating the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

When I picked up Gail's book "Becoming Real" I knew that I had not been happy with my life for years. After I was a few chapters into her book, I discovered why I had not been happy. As I read on, I learned what "stories" I had been telling myself that were preventing me from achieving this happiness. I realized that it was not the rest of the world that was cheating me and overlooking my talents. It was me. By the end of the book, I knew what I had to do to rewrite my story. And, now, I'm proud to say that the plot of my life is a real page-turner. :-)

Gail's book helped me realize that I am in control of what I decide to do with my life. Sure, I could have continued to sit around feeling sorry for myself and look at how well "everyone else" was doing. But, thanks to some essential realizations I had while reading her book, I have learned how to really listen to myself, and what I truly want, regardless of what I think others may want me to do instead.

Putting an end to my roadblock stories has been so freeing. Gail's book helped me learn how to recognize and replace the "self-defeating" parts of my personality that held me back for years. If I had not read her book the other month, I probably would have continued to fret about how unhappy I was, without knowing what to do about it. But, with the insight I gained from Gail's book, I had the tools and courage to make some major changes in my life. After years of pursuing what I thought I should be doing with my life, I am now doing what I want to be doing.

But, I do need to warn you that "Becoming Real" does not guarantee a quick fix. Just as the case with therapy, you really have to be ready to make changes in your life. And, more importantly, you have to be willing to take a close look inside, and have the courage to see what is really there...and also, what is missing. For me, Gail's powerful words were catalysts for the even more powerful steps that I needed to take to "become real."

No matter where you are in; self help books, recovery, self-development, this book is a direct and objective book to helping you know why while giving you solid understanding and tools for change. I read many books of this type and unfortunately have become a registered armchair quarterback psychologist. Gail combines psychoanalysis and cognitive behavioral therapies into a condensed solution.

Is it the magic bullet? Nothing is, but, reading and working the short exercises in the book and reading about the personality types, that you may be in, will definitely give you pause and insight. I got mad going through one of the personality types and even told a friend not to buy the book. I had to call them back after I realized my reading of the book just hit a nerve.

There is no one great book. This one will make a dent, a useful one, especially if you are interested in figuring out why, how, and what do I do now.

One negative, it is gender specific for women. If you are a man and are reading this, you will have to mentally switch female to male references and male to female, which can be a little tiresome. But, if you need to get good information and achieve fast results you find a model that is out there that works and copy it.

Barbara De Angelis mentioned that when she wanted to become a great public speaker back in the 80s she went out and found the strongest best model she could emulate. She was indifferent that it was male, because that was what dominated that area back then. I would say the same about this. It is well done and relates to both sexes, even though Gail seems to have written it directly to the female population.

A good read and an easy read. Well, until it hits a nerve.

this book changed my perspective entirely & empowered me to know why i am so hard on myself & effectively make change. knowing why & nonjudgmentally realizing that as small children, we interpret things so differently & incorporate those misinterpretations into who we are as people has been paramount in freeing myself of those self critical views. the things this book discusses are THE reasons people suffer depression, anxiety, etc. medication may help but the real solution is to DEAL with what's underneath the suffering when you are ready to do the work. this book is huge & i'm forever grateful for what i've learned from reading it. highly highly recommend to EVERY person because these things do effect every one in one way or another (to varying degrees of course). if you are a parent or planning to be a parent, this information is highly useful as well.

I think Getting Real is "Right On"! I read the book and really found it helpful in understanding myself and how I deal with certain situations. What I liked particularly is that it was "down to earth" - in language I could understand - with examples anyone could relate to. It was easy and interesting to read (not like a boring text book). Yet at the same time, the book makes you think about yourself and probe deep inside with the intent of self-awareness and self-improvement. Everyone should read this book!

The book started out great with much promise, but as I got into it, virtually all examples and stories were specifically about women and written it seems, for the female perspective, which made it very difficult for me to apply the information to my own life. The questionaire for determing your personality type, which was integral for reading the rest of the book, seemed to be written exclusively for female respondants.

This could be a great book for women on a quest of self-improvement, but I wouldn't recommend for men, unless your goal is to gain insight and understanding on the stories that may be holding back your wife, mother, daughter, etc.

i am a student of self-help books with a psychological bent; as such, i did not expect to learn much when i picked up this book. i was stunned by the fascinating and creative approach dr. saltz takes to these issues -- she looks at emotional problems in a unique and dynamic way. the book was so much more enlightening than the standard psychoanalytic explanations that one usually hears from the likes of dr. phil -- here, at last, clear and believable explanations for how childhood affects adult life, and why we become the people we become. her narrative voice is smart, yet refreshingly friendly and funny -- i felt as though i knew her by the time the book was done.

when you finish the book, you'll wish you could sit on her couch! marvelous, entertaining and eye-opening -- i highly recommend.

Gail does an excellent job of explaining the lives we have created. Becoming Real is a between the eyes look at the relationships we have built - or not. Be ready to make a change when you read this book - otherwise you are wasting your time. And the title is appropriate, it is not until we are in our thirties that we realize how our upbringing shapes our relationships, choices and future.

Nancy Padberg, Co-Author with George D. Wells, The American Dream in a Kilt publishing on Amazon.com September 15, 2006

The author makes it clear as a bell how some of life's basic experiences can propell us to become involved in a pattern of situations that are harmful to us such as relationships that cannot possibly work out. With her clear insight into why my marriage and other relationships have been far from successful, I now see what I can change to make my life different instead of making the same mistakes over and over and over and over! I feel so much more hopeful of the future and feel much kinder toward myself and more understanding toward others who have been involved in my life. I now know how to behave differently to get different results. I now have more control of my future. The book may appear to be more geared to women than men, but the main points the author makes apply equally to men and women.

I had high hopes for this book. It starts out with a very interesting theory for why cognitive therapy can fail: because it attempts to bypass the (vastly powerful) subconscious. It then goes on to explain that, when we were children, our subconscious created "stories" to help us explain the hurtful behavior of our parents. By adulthood, these stories have outgrow their usefulness and can start to create problems. To really get at the heart of our problems and change our lives, we have to shed these "stories" from our past and "become real," i.e. live freely and unhindered by these old stories.

That's an interesting and powerful opening. However, the book lost me after this point. First of all, it is extremely repetitive. The author probably repeated her explanation of how and why our subconscious creates these "stories" over 200 times. Second, she outlines 5 generic stories (the "greatest hits" of the unconscious) and explains that all of us fit into one or more of these categories. I don't know about you, but I am very suspicious of any book that tries to put fit all of humanity into so few categorizations. Lastly, the author, who is a real-life therapist, lost me on some of her analysis of the real life experiences of her patients. Although the stories of people's sometimes illogical behavior were interesting--for example, a woman who is so afraid of rejection that she rejects others first or a woman who shows loyalty for her abusive father by dating abusive men--I did not always follow the author's analysis of just how and why they developed the way they did.

Overall, this was an interesting but very flawed book.

This book was written for women. The majority of material is specific to women, none of it is specific to men and there's not much left that is applicable to both. The book is extremely and blatantly lacking in gender balance. This would be acceptable if the Subtitle indicated it's "Real" focus.

The author uses her clients or patients as examples to make her various points. Eighty-five percent of these examples are women. Page after page of issues about visible panty line, cellulite, body image (The author is "bombarded with emails about thighs",) eating, and not eating are tedious for half the population of the country.

Absence of notice on the cover of the female-centric perspective can only be an amateurish sham used to sell more books.