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Becoming Us: Loving, Learning and Growing Together - The Essential relationship guide for parents [Kindle Edition]

Elly Taylor
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)

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Book Description

The nursery might be ready for the baby, but how about your relationship? A refreshingly optimistic and practical book that addresses the relationship challenges that parents face, this should be essential reading for all pregnant couples Elly Taylor, a relationship counselor, has drawn on over fifty years of research and the experience of working with hundreds of new parents to write this guide to relationships after children - and specifically, how becoming a parent can transform your relationship in positive ways. Part One discusses the key opportunities for growth and connection between parents. Part Two tackles the most common problem areas, providing practical and insightful approaches to resolving tricky issues. For example: 'We've been focusing so much on getting the baby into a routine, but everything else feels chaotic. What can we do?' 'I thought my husband would be willing to help change the nappies. He says he works 48 hours a week, and that it's my job.' 'After holding the baby all day the last thing I feel like at night is holding my partner. I feel really guilty and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I can't help it.' This is a refreshingly optimistic yet deeply practical book that all parents should read - it addresses the challenges couples face when children arrive and addresses how they change lives, pointing out that it is possible to gain so much from this experience.

Product Details

  • File Size: 566 KB
  • Print Length: 379 pages
  • Publisher: ABC Books (September 1, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B005E834OM
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #751,288 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read for New Parents! November 13, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
In the transition from being partners to becoming parents, I believe that is virtually impossible, before a baby arrives, to appreciate the changes in lifestyle that will be demanded of us. And even more impossible to fathom, the changes that will occur within us as we become mother/father, and between us as we assume these roles. In fact, in the U.S, 30% of fathers leave their families in the first 3 years after the birth of a child, and many more leave emotionally.

If every parent-to-be or new parent were to read Becoming Us there would be a dramatic number of reductions in the number of men who leave.

Research evidences not only an enormous discrepancy between cultural myth and the day-to-day reality of a father's ability and desire to nurture his offspring; that parent's sharing in the physical and emotional care and responsibilities of their infants and children is now a major expectation amount newly marrying couples; and that a decline in relationship satisfaction post-birth is not inevitable, and the salience of team work to a couple's relationship satisfaction in increasing.

Little acknowledgment is given the fact that pregnancy is a time of tremendous change and uncertainty for many men. During pregnancy, dads-to-be have legitimate needs and concerns, and addressing these enables a man to be more fully present to his partner and baby.

Imminently readable, practical and engaging, this book addresses the very legitimate issues and concerns that emerge for the expectant dad, and supports him through this vital passage to parenthood--all this, in a nutshell.

While there are a number of books written to support mothers in the transition to motherhood, and a few supporting dads, there are very few that directly address the couple.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Birth is a whole-of-family event April 30, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
As an educator and facilitator in the pregnancy, birth and new parenting spaces, my work is focused exclusively on expectant and new fathers and couples. Over 5 years of extensive exposure to and active engagement in both the public and private domains, I have learned much about the way that we prepare for birth and becoming parents in our modern culture. It is my passionate perspective that there are too many significant gaps for men and women in the services and supports available to them as they make this transformational and life-changing transition.

One of the most profound ways that we typically under-engage, under-educate and under-support expectant couples during this critical phase of their lives is through the lack of relationship-focused information and support we offer. So much focus is placed on physical health, birth and external preparation (buying baby 'stuff', preparing the nursery, baby showers, renovations or extensions, etc.), yet so little is placed on the most important foundation a new baby truly needs - the solid relationship of its parents.

This is why I love Elly Taylor's book, Becoming Us. It highlights issues that are too commonly left unspoken, provides unique insights into the experiences of the changing relationship dynamic, and offers excellent guidance for navigating the radical path of becoming a new family. Elly writes and shares authentically from her own lived experience, as well as from a rich professional career. Both equally inform her practical and human wisdom in this context of family and relationships.

Becoming Us is an excellent resource for both women and men - I cannot recommend it highly enough.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant resource for parents! November 10, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
I'm a Transition (Life) Coach and work with many expecting and new parents, this book was recommended by a friend, and I've since recommended to so many Clients who have found it incredibly beneficial. It tackles more that the physical changes of birth and babies, and looks more in depth at the emotional response and how it effects the relationship with your partner, yourself and the bond with the baby you both create. I especially like the way it's written, very relatable, fresh and practical - on issues or challenges many of us are too afraid to admit and/or talk about. It is making a huge difference in the lives of many parents.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great read! March 23, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
Elly's book normalises the disconnect that occurs between partners around the time of having yourng children and babies. It gives Mums and Dads permission to acknowledge that it is common for conflict to occur as a couple becomes a family. The book gives couples an understanding of why this happens and provides the reader with skills for couples to reconnect again. This book fills a gap that was sorely missing - I would recommend it to anyone about to have a baby or with young kids...a great read!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars a great companion for new parents November 2, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
Becoming Us is a must read for all expectant parents, it offers realistic approaches to managing your relationship post pregnanacy and beyond. Elly's writing style is relaxed and informative and offers great comfort at a time when it can truly feel like the wheels are falling off! I'd recommend this book to anyone who values their relationship and understands the importance of modelling a healthy and stable parenting relationship that will allow their children to thrive. Relationships are at the core of all that we are and all that we do ... investing in them is a no-brainer!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
2.0 out of 5 stars Boring book
I wasn't very interested in this book after the first few pages
Started getting boring
The main topic was contradictory to my own views
Published 7 months ago by Joni Eliahou
5.0 out of 5 stars A Generational Perspective on Becoming Us by Elly Taylor
Becoming Us - The essential relationship guide for parents
Author Elly Taylor
Reviewed by Wendy, Kim and Peta

So often in life opportunity arises when we least... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Kim Brickwood
5.0 out of 5 stars If I was going to give only one book to a soon-to-be first time...
Becoming Us is about how becoming parents affects relationships, and it's about about understanding the changes you feel in yourself, in your partner and in your relationship. Read more
Published 17 months ago by Jill Doughtie
5.0 out of 5 stars A vaulable resource and a friend to all new parents....
As a professional in the birthing industry I am able to see and appreciate the true value of this book 'Becoming Us'. Read more
Published 19 months ago by MelRobinson
5.0 out of 5 stars This Book should be in all baby bounty bags
This book was recommended by a friend and thank god it was because it is outstanding. This book should be in all the baby bounty bags as this is a MUST for all parents to read. Read more
Published 19 months ago by Rebecca Ballingall
5.0 out of 5 stars Required reading for prospective and new parents!
Elly Taylor's book, Becoming Us: The Essential Relationship Guide for Parents, should be required reading for prospective parents! Read more
Published 19 months ago by Dr. Diane S. Speier
5.0 out of 5 stars deeply personal
Becoming Us is a book that is speaking to me personally, and although I am not through the whole thing yet, I am moved to write a review. Read more
Published 21 months ago by Anni Daulter
5.0 out of 5 stars Leave a legacy of commitment & love!
New parenthood is work, and as with any aspect of work or living as a happy, healthy family, we can't "wing it" and expect everything to turn out peachy keen and roses! Read more
Published 21 months ago by Allie Chee
5.0 out of 5 stars A mentored journey
As a TAFE teacher in Community Services and in the primary education sector I have recommended this book to both new parents and educators involved in community services tackling... Read more
Published 24 months ago by Katherine
5.0 out of 5 stars Pragmatic and informative
I found the book very pragmatic and informative - it is an excellent resource for all new parents adapting to the myriad of challenges that parenting brings!

Published on November 12, 2012 by Elaine George, Sexology Australia
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More About the Author

Elly was born in the leafy suburbs of Brisbane and never knew to lock a door until she moved to Sydney. She left what she thought was full-time work in recruitment and training to start a degree in Psychology, have a baby, study relationship therapy, work two part-time jobs, have another baby, go back to one part-time job and have another baby.

For the past fifteen years, as an Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist, Elly's passion has been supporting couples through the joyful but often challenging perinatal period. She is an advocate for including fathers (or partners) in pregnancy, birth and early parenthood and supporting bonding and emotional health for the whole family. A columnist for Australia's favorite parenting magazine, Practical Parenting, Elly is also resident relationship expert for Daily Life website.

Elly lives in a Sydney beach house (surrounded by a Brisbane garden) with her firefighter husband, their three children and a bunch of pets. Becoming Us is her first book.


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