It's no secret that men and women are different. And it's no secret that they don't always get along because of these differences, even when they love each other. But having a successful marriage is not about finding the perfect person to marry. It's about loving someone in an unselfish, Christlike manner. Whatever we want out of marriage--unconditional love, forgiveness, passion--that is what we have to give to our spouse. Rick Johnson shows couples how to go beyond merely tolerating each other's differences to using those God-given differences to add spice and passion to their relationship.
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Book Description
Editorial Reviews
From the Back Cover
Your Recipe for Marital Success
Having a successful marriage is not about finding the perfect person. It's not even about always getting along. It's about loving the imperfect person you married in an unselfish manner.
Just as a great meal is made from many ingredients, a great marriage is a combination of different traits. If men and women were the same, life would turn out pretty bland. In this witty and insightful book, Rick Johnson shows you how to go beyond merely tolerating your spouse's differences to using them to add spice and passion to your relationship.
"Rick Johnson understands the dynamics of a great relationship, and he's really good at helping others understand them too."--Will Davis Jr., author of Pray Big and Pray Big for Your Marriage
"Rick Johnson shows us how men and women are wonderfully different by design. His incredible understanding of how men think and how women think will give you much better insight into that person you married who sometimes seems like an alien."--Jim Burns, PhD, president of HomeWord; author of Creating an Intimate Marriage and Closer: Devotions to Draw Couples Together
"Conventional thinking wants us to believe that 'compatibility' is the golden key to a lasting marriage. But here Rick Johnson explains the real truth: it's our differences that make us interesting, engaged, and intimate."--Paul Coughlin, author of No More Christian Nice Guy and Married But Not Engaged
Rick Johnson is a bestselling author of That's My Son; Better Dads, Stronger Sons; and The Power of a Man. He is the founder of Better Dads and is a sought-after speaker at many large parenting and marriage conferences across the United States and Canada. To find out more about Rick Johnson, please visit www.betterdads.net.
Having a successful marriage is not about finding the perfect person. It's not even about always getting along. It's about loving the imperfect person you married in an unselfish manner.
Just as a great meal is made from many ingredients, a great marriage is a combination of different traits. If men and women were the same, life would turn out pretty bland. In this witty and insightful book, Rick Johnson shows you how to go beyond merely tolerating your spouse's differences to using them to add spice and passion to your relationship.
"Rick Johnson understands the dynamics of a great relationship, and he's really good at helping others understand them too."--Will Davis Jr., author of Pray Big and Pray Big for Your Marriage
"Rick Johnson shows us how men and women are wonderfully different by design. His incredible understanding of how men think and how women think will give you much better insight into that person you married who sometimes seems like an alien."--Jim Burns, PhD, president of HomeWord; author of Creating an Intimate Marriage and Closer: Devotions to Draw Couples Together
"Conventional thinking wants us to believe that 'compatibility' is the golden key to a lasting marriage. But here Rick Johnson explains the real truth: it's our differences that make us interesting, engaged, and intimate."--Paul Coughlin, author of No More Christian Nice Guy and Married But Not Engaged
Rick Johnson is a bestselling author of That's My Son; Better Dads, Stronger Sons; and The Power of a Man. He is the founder of Better Dads and is a sought-after speaker at many large parenting and marriage conferences across the United States and Canada. To find out more about Rick Johnson, please visit www.betterdads.net.
About the Author
Rick Johnson is the author of That's My Son; Better Dads, Stronger Sons; The Man Whisperer; and The Power of a Man. Founder of Better Dads, a fathering skills program, Rick develops and delivers father training workshops for businesses, churches, schools, and other organizations nationally and internationally.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
24 of 27 people found the following review helpful
By Preserves
Format:Paperback
I can understand why everyone doesn't love this book. This book is written from a biblical perspective. The basis of is to help a man and wife fulfill our God-designed roles within marriage as stated in the bible. I can see why people think this is backward and it definitely ruffles some feathers; but in light of the state of marriage in this country, I believe that we would all do well to heed Rick Johnson's advice. There is not a single place where he says that men and women are not to be equally valued. We have to bear in mind that EQUAL does not mean SAME. There are just some things that men do better than women and vice versa. When we accept that and fill our roles accordingly and to the best of our ability, marriages can become more harmonious. Society tells us that as women we shouldn't want to be taken care of, and that men shouldn't take a leadership role in their families. We have suffered as a result. This book is a great read if you are looking for christian, God-centered guidance in your marriage. I am already seeing results in mine!
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
By Book Nerd
Format:Paperback
The strengths of this book include Amazing insight into the man's mind, what the man needs and wants. The book lacks depth overall, however it is only 215 pages. It is written by a pastor and it does have occasional quotation of scripture and bible stories. However, even if you are not Christian (as I am) you can overlook this, because the topic in itself is fascinating and interesting to read about. Another point where the author lacked depth was on the subject of women. I think if his wife had offered some more insights for him the section on women would have been more informative.
I will begin the review by quoting the author on the issue of Equality. Because thanks to feminists from early on we are taught false doctrines about gender and male and female relationships. This causes divorce, because a communist egalitarian model of a marriage does not work.
"Equality in a relationship does not mean sameness-it means each person is valued for the contribution they bring to the table" (13).
Feminists tell us that to have equality we must be the same, gender bending is the way to do it, they want to feminize the males and turn women into men. This social engineering is truly sickening and books like this help expose the truth.
Contrary to feminist beliefs, a woman has so much power to influence the man. The author notes "The one person in the whole world to whom a man drops this defensive shield, if only occasionally, is his wife" (26). We hold the power over the men we love and we either make them or break them, and if women continue espousing to a feminist doctrine, they will break them entirely. Feminists tell us that we have no power, we are oppressed by our men and they do noting but use us, this is a lie to force women into the workforce so they can break up the family. If women feel that the only way they will have power is by getting careers and putting careers first then their marriages and families, society will begin to diminish. As it is diminishing now, society is being destroyed by feminists. A stable family is at the core of stable society, so we must have stable families to have stable and crime free societies.
The author includes two sections a section on men and a section for women. Although the section for men I believe is better developed (since the author is a man he knows more what men are about), the section on women is lacking. And both sections combined lack depth overall, I kept wanting for more after reading this book, not to mention that it took me only few hours to read the whole thing.
The author admits that men view women as objects. Now ladies do not get offended he explains how different men think therefore they see women like that. However, it is not that bad to be an object. Because a man who knows that you are his "object" per se, will love and cherish you more. He will take care of you and protect you. The author talks about the male need for sex, and he encourages men to give women romance and seduction before sex. Which makes sense because both are happy at the bargain. In addition, it does not mean that your man loves you less because he wants sex. Sex for men is like food, for women.
The author also notes that the fulfillment of the man's sexual need leads to a happy and more confident man. Because we already know that, a woman can either make or break her husband. By fulfilling his needs he will love, you more and he will feel more confident to slay the dragons outside the "castle" because he knows his woman is there for him. It is quite beautiful if you think about it. In addition, in marriages where a woman stays home it is an even bigger boost. A man will be proud of himself to be the breadwinner and he will be the hero in her eyes.
Another issue with the book was that the author did not specifically talk about such families where a woman stays home. He talked about double earner families as well and he said that a woman still does most of the housework (and that the husband should give her a break for a day or so, so she doesn't get tired about doing chores). Okay I am not a believer in double earner families. However IF a family is double earner, I think the household chores need to be 50/50 it is highly disturbing and horrible to expect of a wife to do work outside of the home and do all of the chores plus childcare. Besides it is the true man's responsibility to man up and be the breadwinner knight for his princess wife.
He also points out current societal problems; he says, "Boys raised by the model of a woman being the only provider in their lives often do not develop this strong sense of duty to provide for their families." (46). This is so true and pathetic at the same time, society has come to such a standstill where a man is no longer expected to provide and he feels no shame in not being able to provide. When it comes to the children of single mothers, we see crime involvement in drugs, not being able to for families and meaningful relationships. These boys shun responsibilities, while the girls continue the cycle of getting pregnant out of wedlock and becoming welfare queens.
Another good quote from the book he says "A man works as a gift to himself and an offering to his wife. Providing for her is one way to honor her and tell her he loves her" (51). Indeed ladies and do not let the feminists tell you that if a man wants you to stay home that he is somehow enslaving you or disrespecting you. In fact if a man wants you to stay home it is a sign of the deep love he has for you, and you should savor every bit of that love.
A very important duty for a husband is his role as a protector. He is the gatekeeper he must decide who enters the home and who does not. In addition, the author is very right to assume that even the most well trained woman would still be beaten down and abused by a strange man intent to harm her. The author makes a correct assumption that men seek out weak women (single mothers with children) as their prey, because they are easier to take advantage off. He also talks about protecting the wife Emotionally and Psychologically, by guarding her virtue, by exerting leadership over their families. This is very important. And leadership not in a sense that feminists like to portray but in a sense that he nurtures and protects with love and care while at the same time he is the leader and the king of the home and family. As the author says leadership must be "nurturing and uplifting" (122).
When it comes to his section on women, it is less developed and I was disappointed by his insight. I will overview the good and the bad that I think he makes a point off. He says women need to feel cherished and loved, which is true. In addition, if a woman espouses a feminist doctrine that she is the same as a man. That woman will not feel cherished nor will she feel loved. Because she will be denying her femininity and by doing that, she misses out on the love she could have, if she just stopped trying to be a man (a feminist).
He talks about the importance of security for women, the importance of a comfortable home. He talks about the toils of PMS and how it affects women, and how men should understand that. I thought that was really sweet of him. However, overall the section does not cover the many facets of being female in depth that is why I was quite disappointed with the section. A problem I had on his belief that women talk more then men, that they love to chat and that their Girlfriends are the best things ever. Sorry that is a stereotype. Personally not all women are chatterboxes, and nor do they talk more then men. A study has been done were they actually found out that on average men and women say the same amount of words per day. So women do not talk more then men on average. Moreover, not all women have many girlfriends.
Overall, the strength of the book lies in his insight into the man's mind. There are problems with the book that I have noted above. In addition, after reading this I felt like I wanted more information. Once again, this is a Christian book; I read this because it is hard to find books like this that are anti-feminist and secular at the same time. However, the occasional verse and bible story is not a problem at all for me. I highly recommend this book for couples and for husbands and wives to be.
Yellow Rose Reviews
I will begin the review by quoting the author on the issue of Equality. Because thanks to feminists from early on we are taught false doctrines about gender and male and female relationships. This causes divorce, because a communist egalitarian model of a marriage does not work.
"Equality in a relationship does not mean sameness-it means each person is valued for the contribution they bring to the table" (13).
Feminists tell us that to have equality we must be the same, gender bending is the way to do it, they want to feminize the males and turn women into men. This social engineering is truly sickening and books like this help expose the truth.
Contrary to feminist beliefs, a woman has so much power to influence the man. The author notes "The one person in the whole world to whom a man drops this defensive shield, if only occasionally, is his wife" (26). We hold the power over the men we love and we either make them or break them, and if women continue espousing to a feminist doctrine, they will break them entirely. Feminists tell us that we have no power, we are oppressed by our men and they do noting but use us, this is a lie to force women into the workforce so they can break up the family. If women feel that the only way they will have power is by getting careers and putting careers first then their marriages and families, society will begin to diminish. As it is diminishing now, society is being destroyed by feminists. A stable family is at the core of stable society, so we must have stable families to have stable and crime free societies.
The author includes two sections a section on men and a section for women. Although the section for men I believe is better developed (since the author is a man he knows more what men are about), the section on women is lacking. And both sections combined lack depth overall, I kept wanting for more after reading this book, not to mention that it took me only few hours to read the whole thing.
The author admits that men view women as objects. Now ladies do not get offended he explains how different men think therefore they see women like that. However, it is not that bad to be an object. Because a man who knows that you are his "object" per se, will love and cherish you more. He will take care of you and protect you. The author talks about the male need for sex, and he encourages men to give women romance and seduction before sex. Which makes sense because both are happy at the bargain. In addition, it does not mean that your man loves you less because he wants sex. Sex for men is like food, for women.
The author also notes that the fulfillment of the man's sexual need leads to a happy and more confident man. Because we already know that, a woman can either make or break her husband. By fulfilling his needs he will love, you more and he will feel more confident to slay the dragons outside the "castle" because he knows his woman is there for him. It is quite beautiful if you think about it. In addition, in marriages where a woman stays home it is an even bigger boost. A man will be proud of himself to be the breadwinner and he will be the hero in her eyes.
Another issue with the book was that the author did not specifically talk about such families where a woman stays home. He talked about double earner families as well and he said that a woman still does most of the housework (and that the husband should give her a break for a day or so, so she doesn't get tired about doing chores). Okay I am not a believer in double earner families. However IF a family is double earner, I think the household chores need to be 50/50 it is highly disturbing and horrible to expect of a wife to do work outside of the home and do all of the chores plus childcare. Besides it is the true man's responsibility to man up and be the breadwinner knight for his princess wife.
He also points out current societal problems; he says, "Boys raised by the model of a woman being the only provider in their lives often do not develop this strong sense of duty to provide for their families." (46). This is so true and pathetic at the same time, society has come to such a standstill where a man is no longer expected to provide and he feels no shame in not being able to provide. When it comes to the children of single mothers, we see crime involvement in drugs, not being able to for families and meaningful relationships. These boys shun responsibilities, while the girls continue the cycle of getting pregnant out of wedlock and becoming welfare queens.
Another good quote from the book he says "A man works as a gift to himself and an offering to his wife. Providing for her is one way to honor her and tell her he loves her" (51). Indeed ladies and do not let the feminists tell you that if a man wants you to stay home that he is somehow enslaving you or disrespecting you. In fact if a man wants you to stay home it is a sign of the deep love he has for you, and you should savor every bit of that love.
A very important duty for a husband is his role as a protector. He is the gatekeeper he must decide who enters the home and who does not. In addition, the author is very right to assume that even the most well trained woman would still be beaten down and abused by a strange man intent to harm her. The author makes a correct assumption that men seek out weak women (single mothers with children) as their prey, because they are easier to take advantage off. He also talks about protecting the wife Emotionally and Psychologically, by guarding her virtue, by exerting leadership over their families. This is very important. And leadership not in a sense that feminists like to portray but in a sense that he nurtures and protects with love and care while at the same time he is the leader and the king of the home and family. As the author says leadership must be "nurturing and uplifting" (122).
When it comes to his section on women, it is less developed and I was disappointed by his insight. I will overview the good and the bad that I think he makes a point off. He says women need to feel cherished and loved, which is true. In addition, if a woman espouses a feminist doctrine that she is the same as a man. That woman will not feel cherished nor will she feel loved. Because she will be denying her femininity and by doing that, she misses out on the love she could have, if she just stopped trying to be a man (a feminist).
He talks about the importance of security for women, the importance of a comfortable home. He talks about the toils of PMS and how it affects women, and how men should understand that. I thought that was really sweet of him. However, overall the section does not cover the many facets of being female in depth that is why I was quite disappointed with the section. A problem I had on his belief that women talk more then men, that they love to chat and that their Girlfriends are the best things ever. Sorry that is a stereotype. Personally not all women are chatterboxes, and nor do they talk more then men. A study has been done were they actually found out that on average men and women say the same amount of words per day. So women do not talk more then men on average. Moreover, not all women have many girlfriends.
Overall, the strength of the book lies in his insight into the man's mind. There are problems with the book that I have noted above. In addition, after reading this I felt like I wanted more information. Once again, this is a Christian book; I read this because it is hard to find books like this that are anti-feminist and secular at the same time. However, the occasional verse and bible story is not a problem at all for me. I highly recommend this book for couples and for husbands and wives to be.
Yellow Rose Reviews
9 of 11 people found the following review helpful
By H. Novak
Format:Paperback
Rick Johnson has written a great book identifing the differences in our spouse that can pull us apart if we are not aware of them. He shows the reader that working to celebrate your differences and use them as strengths in your marriage is something obtainable. He splits our differences into 7 modes for men, such as the sex and work and 7 moods of women, such as the importance of girlfriends and nesting. The reading is easy and uplifting, with practical help, words and ideas to apply to your marriage right now. I love that he points out that if you are looking for the perfect person, to bad. You will not find that person here on earth. Yet if you look at your husband or wife, God created him or her to be the one that hones you and helps you grow closer to your spouse and God if you listen and respond to God. A good read and highly recommended insight to apply to any marriage, failing or growing!
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
Becoming Your Spouse's Better Half
This is an excellent book for both husband and wife to read together. It is not necessarily a book for marriages that are already in trouble, though it might help, but it is a... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Tamara S. Hacker
4.0 out of 5 stars
Easy read
I read this book a few years ago and thought it had a lot of Great ideas on marriage and the differences husbands and wives have. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Mary Beth
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent for Marrages
I bought this book thinking a would read it and become this awesome wife(without my husband knowing what made me better) HaHa Then I find out its a book we read together. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Lavoz
5.0 out of 5 stars
Haha, I read this to prove my husband I can "care"
Sometimes I am accused of having no oxytocin and not caring enough. So I read this book to prove to my husband I can be his better half.
Published 5 months ago by Angel F
3.0 out of 5 stars
Good price (free)
Wouldn't buy it but it was free so what the heck.
It didn't really give a lot of "tips" for marriage, but rather kept repeating that marriage is hard and not... Read more
It didn't really give a lot of "tips" for marriage, but rather kept repeating that marriage is hard and not... Read more
Published 5 months ago by KatDoh85
5.0 out of 5 stars
still reading
I am still reading this book but what I have read so far has been very good and well written
Published 6 months ago by Gabrielle Meyer
4.0 out of 5 stars
Filled with interesting facts, backed by research, and written in a...
I just finished reading Becoming Your Spouse's Better Half: Why Differences Make a Marriage Great.
Rick spends seven chapters describing how man think and why they... Read more
Rick spends seven chapters describing how man think and why they... Read more
Published 7 months ago by Lucille Zimmerman
5.0 out of 5 stars
This book has true insight.
I don't like long reviews, so I'll make it short.
On the sexism: I can see why people think this book is sexist, it does say a lot about men being the protector and... Read more
On the sexism: I can see why people think this book is sexist, it does say a lot about men being the protector and... Read more
Published 8 months ago by lizz
2.0 out of 5 stars
Sharing advice
The best advice that I have acquired and exercised in my 21+ years of a second marriage (for both of us) is:
PICK YOUR BATTLES-When a disagreement ensues, or one of us... Read more
PICK YOUR BATTLES-When a disagreement ensues, or one of us... Read more
Published 8 months ago by MacSee
2.0 out of 5 stars
Outdated
This book was recommended to me, but doesn't reflect 21st century reality. It made amusing reading and might be applicable to a small portion of the current population, but I was... Read more
Published 11 months ago by Lioness
More About the Author
Rick founded Better Dads, a fathering skills program, based on the urgent need to empower men to lead and serve in their families and communities. Rick's books have expanded his work to include influencing the whole family, with life-changing insights for men and women on parenting, marriage, and personal growth. Inspiring and equipping through innovative multimedia presentations and seminars, Rick's resources, methods and personal approach have been transforming the lives of men, women, and their families for over ten years.
Rick speaks at many large conferences across the US and Canada including MOPS International conventions, Promise Keepers Canada events, Design 4 Living women's conferences, and Iron Sharpens Iron men's conferences. He is a popular keynote speaker at men's and women's retreats and conferences on parenting and marriage.
He is a nationally recognized expert in several areas having been asked to deliver papers at venues such as the County of Los Angeles Child Abuse Prevention Conference and the State of New York Fatherhood Conference. Rick's work with men and fathers was recognized when he was invited to the White House as part of the "Champions of Change" ceremony in 2012.
Prior to becoming a bestselling author and speaker, Rick was a small business owner for 16 years, owning and operating an environmental engineering firm. He attended George Fox University receiving a Bachelor of Arts degree in Management and Organizational Leadership, and has a Masters Degree in Education from Concordia University. He is a veteran of the United States Navy, has served on the Board of Directors for several community and business associations, and coaches high school basketball in his spare time. Rick has been featured in many national publications such as New Man Magazine, Crosswalk.com, Christianity.com, Christianity Today's Men of Integrity, Relevant Magazine, Pentecostal Evangel, Thriving Family, and Proverbs 31 Ministries Magazine.
Rick has appeared on over 250 radio programs and television shows around the United States and Canada. He is the former co-host of a live, weekly radio show and a frequent guest host of other local programs. Rick is actively involved with the men's and family ministries as well as speaking from the pulpit at various churches.
Rick and his wife Suzanne have two (nearly) adult children and live in Gresham, Oregon.
Rick speaks at many large conferences across the US and Canada including MOPS International conventions, Promise Keepers Canada events, Design 4 Living women's conferences, and Iron Sharpens Iron men's conferences. He is a popular keynote speaker at men's and women's retreats and conferences on parenting and marriage.
He is a nationally recognized expert in several areas having been asked to deliver papers at venues such as the County of Los Angeles Child Abuse Prevention Conference and the State of New York Fatherhood Conference. Rick's work with men and fathers was recognized when he was invited to the White House as part of the "Champions of Change" ceremony in 2012.
Prior to becoming a bestselling author and speaker, Rick was a small business owner for 16 years, owning and operating an environmental engineering firm. He attended George Fox University receiving a Bachelor of Arts degree in Management and Organizational Leadership, and has a Masters Degree in Education from Concordia University. He is a veteran of the United States Navy, has served on the Board of Directors for several community and business associations, and coaches high school basketball in his spare time. Rick has been featured in many national publications such as New Man Magazine, Crosswalk.com, Christianity.com, Christianity Today's Men of Integrity, Relevant Magazine, Pentecostal Evangel, Thriving Family, and Proverbs 31 Ministries Magazine.
Rick has appeared on over 250 radio programs and television shows around the United States and Canada. He is the former co-host of a live, weekly radio show and a frequent guest host of other local programs. Rick is actively involved with the men's and family ministries as well as speaking from the pulpit at various churches.
Rick and his wife Suzanne have two (nearly) adult children and live in Gresham, Oregon.
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