Customer Reviews

To Bed or Not To Bed: What Men Want, What Women Want, How Great Sex Happens

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

This book is easy to read yet has great life-impacting information. i just loved it and has made my life musch more fun and easier to relate with my boyfriend. Our sex is way better and we have given up so many old hang-ups that were preventing us from realizing how much in love we are. the book is worth 10 stars and i recommend it to all my girlfriends.

I found this a very easy to read book packed with wisdom about relationships and sex. There's a lot of insight into what Vera and Steve share ... if you take the time to absorb it. I've taken classes about the male/female dynamic, and have seen some of this material before, but this time, I understood some of the points in a new way. I suggest it for anyone in a relationship as they share some tips we all can benefit from!

I highly recommend it, and working with them. Their experience has helped me expand the pleasure in my life.

Wow, what a great book. It is so well written. It gave me info that I didn't know about women and confirmed ideas I thought about. The way they state clearly how women and men relate takes all the pressure off. It has given me a freedom I never gave myself permission to have. If you are interested in having great life and relationships- whether you are a man or woman - I highly recommend this book.

I want to preface this review by saying that I'm not an easy reviewer, especially when it comes to books in this genre. As we know, sex has been around for millions of years and there is probably one book written for each year that contains more of the same kind of information.

This book is practical, fun and takes the form of a self or couple-driven inquiry. It explores a lot of territory including the ins and outs of male and female orgasm, communication between the sexes and the role of intimacy. While I don't necessarily agree with all of the information "between the covers".... the pun is totally intentional... I think it has enough very good material to warrant a 4 or 4.5. It didn't quite reach the 5 category for me, but others certainly seem to feel it belongs in that space.

I believe you will like the sexual tips on pleasing a woman, creating intimacy, communicating about desires and creating the right emotional and psychological climate for great sex. Even if you pick up a few good ideas, laughs and tips... the book will certainly be worth the small cost.

yes indeed! just by reading this book, my relatinship with my husband has improved greatly. I understand and appreciate him more both verbally and in general and he feels my approval and is eager to please me in and out of bed more than before. We were in love before and are even more in love now. thanks.

this is an east to read yet astonishingly packed with important info. if more men and women read it there would be a lot more fun on this planet and the divorce rate would be significantly lowered. loved the part about everybody winning.

this book is great--hot--awesome! Very educational and I highly recommend it for any woman who wants to know her body better and have more pleasure in her life!

an awesome book on how to get the most out of intimacy with your partner. Helps take it up a notch! Read it to your man so he knows exactly how to please you, hey if he understands it you'll like him more.

This book is actually just a very long advertisement for other books written by Steve Bodansky about orgasm. I bought this book at the same time as What Women Want Men to Know, and De Angelis' book contains more useful information - at least to me.

To be clear, it should be noted that I'm not a typical person to have this type of book. Whether other people find it of value probably says more about the differences between us than what's in the book. Rather, my mother-in-law gave us this book when we were engaged. She knew we were saving sex for marriage (we're Christian) and she wanted to give us something with pointers. She said this book attracted her because it advertised that if focused a lot on relationship advise and not just sex. My recommendation thus is that any in-law looking to give devout Christians a book on sex and fostering a healthy relationship should look elsewhere. This is not the book.

The relationship advise is based on the social contract theory and is entirely opposed to Christian principals. Overall the book encourages you to focus inwardly and to use the other for your gratification, but in a manner that is the best win/win situation for both people. It advises that giving is best done when the giver does something because the giver enjoys doing it rather thatn because the giver wants something in return. This seems decent advise until you get to the section on anger. In its section on anger, it states: "Dr. Baranco also believed that people have no rights to begin with, and that thinking we do is the big mistake that gets us into trouble. ... If people have no rights, then they have no reason to become angry. We agree with this line of thinking. We believe that humans have opportunities and choices to make, but we have no innate, "God-given" natural rights. ... When people hear this concept for the first time, they often argue with us...Our editor suggested that we refine our argument to distinguish between "cosmic" rights and "political" rights. Whether rights are defined as cosmis or political, we believe that human beings do not have any whatsoever. We know this may be difficult to grasp at first, but if one is willing to look at each right individually, one will realize it is actually not an innate right. It is at best only a temporary privledge."

Overall the attitude I get from this book is that you need to look out for yourself and your own interests. The other person is going to look out for their interests. I would assume that they would not refer to an abusive relationship as a violation of a person's rights because that person in the relationship still has the ability to choose to leave that relationship. Which gets to another topic. When it comes to the issue of flirting and affairs, it encourages couples to continue to flirt with people of the opposite sex. It then advises that having other sexual partners outside of your main partner is merely sticky ground. They advise that it takes a lot of communication to make it work and that its very difficult. They do not taboo it though.

In regards to the sexual advise, the authors focus exclusively on what they call an extended massive orgasm. This relies on them redefining what an orgasm is and overall I get the impression that the technique is mostly about learning to make your nerves extra sensitive to touch. Either way, the book focuses exclusively on the physical pleasures of sex. And in doing so they almost go so far as demeaning the act of sexual intercourse. They call Dr. Baranco's description of intercourse an exageration but the undertones of this negative description are everywhere. I'll just say that the description uses words like "Sweaty, hairy beast rutting for its own gratification...imprisons the woman, pinning her like prey to be devoured beneath his obsessive...having only the air produced by two bodies to breathe ... she feels degraded, defiled and used without her consent." (interesting that the key is used without consent, as again this book seems to say that being used is totally a good thing so long as you consent to it).

You'll find that all of the advise given in this book often leaves intercourse out of it. Intercourse is seen as utterly optional and its emphasized that women really "can't" experience pleasure from it. I'd say though that much of the problem is that these people seem only aware of experiencing sexual activity on a purely physical end. Honestly with my very limited sexual experience after being married for just over a year, the impression I get is that this type of sexual activity has been robbed of some of the most beautiful aspects of the sexual embrace and the non-physical pleasures: emotional and spiritual "pleasures" that can be experienced. I think approaching sex in this way would make it impossible to get to the full potential of what the act has to offer..and again I'm a mostly inexperienced newlywed.

So, my advise to any well-meaning person who wants to give Christians a book on sex and relationship advise is to check out Gregory Popcak's book "Holy Sex." Its from a Catholic prospective. I also picked up the book "Sheet Music" but found I still prefer the book "Holy Sex." It really focuses on the relationship between what is going on in your marriage outside of the bed and what happens in bed. I've found it amazing how true that really is. I've often found that our approach to engaging in the act often becomes a physical symbol of other things going on. Noticing this connection helps me to understand things going on in our day to day life and helps me to talk them out. The book really helps you to understand that sex is not merely some recreational activity you do. Holy Sex!: A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving