2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Beautiful Memoir by a Single Dad With a Huge Heart, May 7, 2008
This review is from: Bedtime Stories: Adventures in the Land of Single-Fatherhood (Hardcover)
Trey Ellis has a big heart. A really, really big heart, and on most every page of this excellent, thoughtful, tender memoir, he shares how it's been gutted, delighted, and filled with love largely for his two children, Ava and Chet. He throws himself into each of his love affairs as if it will be his last, and never apologizes for his often grandiose visions. It's hard to not see those romantic visions as feminine on some level, perhaps because we're so used to women being the ones thinking of marriage on first sight. Ellis's descriptions of his own leaps into head over heels love and lust are told in a way that both gently mocks him as well as celebrates his sense of romantic adventure. He may know that dashing off to Europe to woo a woman is unrealistic, but that never stops him from doing it.
To Ellis's credit, he never once bashes his ex-wife, even though his sometime exasperation with her mania comes through. It's clear that he still feels connected with her, in a healthy way, as the mother of his children, and their ongoing negotiations about schedules and rules form the backbone of his other relationships. The children come first and it's clear that perhaps even more than Ellis was born to be a writer, he was born to be a parent. The rhythms and responsibilities of fatherhood seem to come like second nature to him, and his keen observation of his kids' needs doesn't need to be overstated (maybe we can be spared any more memoirs that talk endlessly about sippy cups and bottles?).
Ellis doesn't present his tale in an entirely straightforward manner, nor does he always make it easy for readers. There are humorous and sensuous parts to his story, but they are woven throughout with the ghosts of his parents, his mother who committed suicide at 36 and his father who died of AIDS-related illnesses. When his heart gets broken, Ellis takes the reader right along with him into the depths of his pain, yet his children are always there to bring him back from the brink.
This is a refreshing read for those accustomed to sometimes repetitive parenting memoirs. Ellis doesn't lament his status as a single dad, but rather seems to value the time he spends with his children while still acknowledging the hardships and the high points (getting doted on by all the moms, single and not, at his kids' school). The greatest tension here is between his commitment to his children and his ongoing quest for romantic fulfillment. "How can a woman compete for the oceanic love I feel for my two soft miniatures? No two other being son the planet can pull my cheeks into a smile just at the thought of seeing them. Why waste time on romance when I could be learning to be a better parent?" he writes. Yet it's also clear that he is at his best, as a person and a parent, when he is rapturously in love. His various girlfriends' interactions with his kids offer examples of how such a family could be created.
Ellis's storytelling here, which includes (separate) encounters with supermodel Amber Valletta and poet Ted Joans, is one that invites readers into his home, his heart, and his family. It doesn't shy away from the devastations he's faced, but it also leaves room for hope for the future, for the man known as "Mommy-Daddy" to his son.
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
I Can Relate, February 16, 2008
This review is from: Bedtime Stories: Adventures in the Land of Single-Fatherhood (Hardcover)
Being a single dad, this book was recommended to me by a friend. Oddly enough, she didn't even know that I've been a Trey Ellis fan since his first novel. Fast-paced, often funny, and with remarkable candor and vulnerability, Ellis does not disappoint at all with this wonderful journey through a growing, yet truly under sung experience, the single, Black father with the crazy e-wife. A great read!!!!
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5.0 out of 5 stars
Light Hearted, Fun and Hillarious-Emotional Journey, January 12, 2010
This review is from: Bedtime Stories: Adventures in the Land of Single-Fatherhood (Hardcover)
I have never read a memoir by anyone let alone an autobiography. I just have never been into reading about other people's life stories. I don't even remember how I came across the title of this book, but once I read the Amazon reviews, I had to read this book for myself and I'm very happy that I did. I loved the way that Trey Ellis wrote this book! There are many single mother's holding down the fort, but to read about a single father trying to do what many women have been doing for years was definitely interesting. I wanted to see the situation from a father's point of view. My mother was a single mother for years after she and my dad divorced.
This book was absolutely amazing! Mr. Ellis did a wonderful job telling his story. His writing was on point and I didn't get bored not once. Trey definitely went through a lot and has gone through an emotional ringer. There was times throughout the book that I felt so bad for him and other times when I was appalled at some of the decisions he made regarding the women that came in out of his life. He made me laugh, scream and want to throw the book at the TV and believe it or not, he still had me rooting for him all the way. I wanted him to succeed and come out on top! His ex-wife was definitely a character and he was a good one to put up with all her drama! She tore that family apart with her weird and over the top antics. You could actually feel the love that Trey had for his children jump right off the page. He loves his kids unconditionally.
He stepped up to plate after his wife left him and even though he was an emotional mess, he still managed to pull through. I have never seen a man fall in love as many times that Mr. Ellis did throughout his book lol. I guess I'm use to reading about men who are scared to show their emotions and be sensitive. Mr. Ellis was definitely an emotional and sensitive man.....and a hopeless romantic:) There is nothing wrong with that all Mr. Ellis. I believe more men should be able to feel that they can express themselves with the thought of losing their masculinity. You don't always have to be an alpha male!
I enjoyed reading about the places he traveled to and the several languages that he spoke. I liked the little extras he through into the book and the fact that while reading it felt as though he was taking the reader on his journey while he experienced it. It was as if he wrote the book while things were taking place in his life at times. He didn't hold anything back. He was honest about his feelings and the different emotions that he was experiencing. It must have taken a lot of courage for him to write this and put himself out there like that. He was brutally honest at times but also not realistic with himself or the various situations that he placed himself in. He was definitely in a state of denial when it came to his relationship with his ex-wife. The life he built around her and the kids was not ideal in my opinion, but it worked for him. I'm like Trey...come on man, you'll never be able to find the right woman with your ex wife constantly in the picture or quit worrying about finding someone to love and just focus on your kids, but that's just me speaking here lol.
Overall, I truly enjoyed reading his memoir and I wanted to thank him for allowing us to take a peek into his life. I hope he does eventually find that special lady because he would definitely make her a very happy woman. What was his ex-wife thinking??? He's an excellent writer so I'm going to seek out his fiction novels.
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