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Beeperless Remote: A Guy, Some Girls, and His Answering Machine
 
 
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Beeperless Remote: A Guy, Some Girls, and His Answering Machine [Hardcover]

Van Whitfield (Author)
3.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (107 customer reviews)

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Book Description

July 1997
With a style that is simultaneously self-effacing and downright hilarious, Van Whitfield's Beeperless Remote is the cleverly told tale of one man who has been thrown into the dating pool and is struggling to get out.

Meet Shawn Wayne. He's single, employed, hard-bodied, a former All-American, and looking for his ideal woman. Shawn may have an obsession with ESPN's "Sports Center," money, and going to the gym, but he's a good guy. According to his best friend, Kelly, however, he may have to "expand his universe" a little to find the right woman.

Shawn's search for the woman of his dreams leads to dating misadventures ranging from nightmare blind dates and underage flings to encounters with married swingers. Held hostage by today's technology, where dating has become a complex web of answering machines and cell phones, he finds the rules have changed, and that he now has to contend with six different types of women:1s--"I just got out of a really bad relationship."2s--"I'm not interested in a relationship. I just have friends."3s--"What is it you said you do for a living?"4s--"Men are dogs."5s--"My biological clock is ticking. I need a man."6s--"I'm single, I'm available, and, yes, I'm interested."Will Shawn find his "6"? Read this hilarious Blackboard and Emerge bestseller and find out.
--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

With a style that is simultaneously self-effacing and downright hilarious, Van Whitfield's Beeperless Remote is the cleverly told tale of one man who has been thrown into the dating pool and is struggling to get out.

Meet Shawn Wayne. He's single, employed, hard-bodied, a former All-American, and looking for his ideal woman. Shawn may have an obsession with ESPN's "Sports Center," money, and going to the gym, but he's a good guy. According to his best friend, Kelly, however, he may have to "expand his universe" a little to find the right woman.

Shawn's search for the woman of his dreams leads to dating misadventures ranging from nightmare blind dates and underage flings to encounters with married swingers. Held hostage by today's technology, where dating has become a complex web of answering machines and cell phones, he finds the rules have changed, and that he now has to contend with six different types of women:1s--"I just got out of a really bad relationship."2s--"I'm not interested in a relationship. I just have friends."3s--"What is it you said you do for a living?"4s--"Men are dogs."5s--"My biological clock is ticking. I need a man."6s--"I'm single, I'm available, and, yes, I'm interested."Will Shawn find his "6"? Read this hilarious Blackboard and Emerge bestseller and find out. --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Pines One Publications (July 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1890194166
  • ISBN-13: 978-1890194161
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (107 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,719,896 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

107 Reviews
5 star:
 (39)
4 star:
 (10)
3 star:
 (14)
2 star:
 (15)
1 star:
 (29)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
3.1 out of 5 stars (107 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars What Are You People Smoking??, May 4, 2001
By 
Jason Heller (Denver, Colorado United States) - See all my reviews
This book was funny, funny, FUNNY! Some of you people need to buy stock in GET-A-LIFE.COM! How can a book that's not serious at all, have people getting so serious? I thought fiction was fiction - so why are people trying to make Shawn out like he's some guy sitting beside them on a subway? Dude was funny and this is a funny book to the bone. I can't wait for the sequel. Bring it on!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars NOT AS GOOD AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!, March 29, 2000
THIS BOOK WAS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE GOOD, BUT IT WASNT. IT HAD A FEW FUNNY PARTS, BUT FOR THE MOST PART, THE BOOK DRAGGED AND IT BORED ME. I STOPPED READING THE BOOK SEVERAL TIMES AND ONLY PICKED IT BACK UP BECAUSE I SPENT THE MONEY FOR IT. THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS VERY NAIVE AND I JUST COULDNT GET INTO IT. I AM ABOUT TO READ MR. WITFIELD'S OTHER BOOK AND I HOPE IT IS BETTER THAN THIS ONE.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars Sorry, Sorry, sorry, November 24, 1999
It has been a long time since I have read such a bad book. This book was horrible. I am sure the writer was trying to make his character funny, but all he suceeded in doing was making him stupid and unrealstic.The only good thing that I have to say about this book is that I didn't buy it I borrowed it from the library. Please save your money, and don't buy this book. I like books that are funny, but Van Whitfield is not capable of making a book funny and realistic. All of his characters are too sterotypical and you find yourself saying no one is that stupid. His next book is not any better so save your money on that one also.
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First Sentence:
I can't believe it. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
beeperless remote
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Michael Jordan, Jesse Jackson, Shawn Wayne, Reverend Jackson, Hotel Washington, Bonus Insert, Look Shawn, Woodrow Wilson Bridge, Grand Hyatt, Landover Mall, Memorial Day, Miss Truesdale, University of Maryland, White House, American Cafe, North Carolina, Plays of the Week, Mike Tyson, National Airport, Port Authority, Prince George's County
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