Before I Say Goodbye: Recollections and Observations from One Woman's Final Year [Paperback]

Ruth Picardie (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 14, 2000

By turns humorous and heart-rending, an unforgettable account of a young woman's spiritual triumphs over breast cancer in the last year of her life

Ruth Picardie was only thirty-three when she died, a month after her twins' second birthday and just under a year after she was first diagnosed with breast cancer. For Ruth, a journalist, it seemed natural to write about her illness. She published only five columns for Observer Life magazine before she became too sick to continue, but her moving, funny, and very human account drew a huge response from readers all over England.

Before I Say Goodbye juxtaposes these columns with correspondence from readers, e-mails to her friends, letters to her children, and reflections by her husband and her sister. The result is a courageous and moving book, entirely devoid of self-pity, that celebrates the triumph of a brave and wonderful woman's spirit. An international bestseller in England, Picardie's sobering yet ultimately life-affirming book is destined to become a classic.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"Chemo was vile," writes editor and freelance writer Ruth Picardie in an e-mail. "Imagine four days of the worst hangover combined with the worst flu, where you can hardly move, feel poisoned, and are half-asleep but not pleasantly out of it all the time." Before I Say Goodbye is a collection of columns and e-mails from Picardie in her last year before dying of breast cancer at age 33. The short (131-page) book also includes e-mails from her friends and letters from her readers.

Before I Say Goodbye provides an intimate glimpse into Picardie's life, friendships, and state of mind in that last year. As much as breast cancer consumed her (physically and mentally), she still had comments about her correspondents' issues (one is HIV-positive) and about trivial matters, such as clothing, face creams, body weight, and television ("ER tonight, which gives life meaning"). She also offered some provocative insights:

• "Went to see Evita the movie.... Eva Peron died of breast cancer and guess what: the c-word isn't mentioned once. The great unmentionable."
• "Fun things about breast cancer: 1. You get your hair cut really short because it's falling out, and it really suits you. You decide to keep it that way forever. 2. You can be really horrible to people and not feel guilty."
• "Having a terminal illness is supposed to make you extremely wise and evolved.... Unfortunately, I just can't get my head around Zen meditation, and seem to be stuck in, 'Why did I eat the fishfingers that Lola spat out when I can't fit into my jeans any more?'... Still, one of the women at my support group recently lost a lot of weight. On Monday night, she died." --Joan Price

From Publishers Weekly

In 1997 at the age of 32, journalist Picardie died of an aggressive cancer (originally misdiagnosed) that began in her breast and spread to her bones, liver and brain, killing her within 10 months. Her career was in full swing when she was diagnosed, and her twin children were just one year old. This collection contains her final journalistic workDcolumns about her illness written for London's Observer Life magazineDas well as letters to and from her friends, readers and children, plus an essay by her husband documenting the weeks before her death, when she was too ill to write. All this is as heartbreaking as it sounds, but is made bearable by Picardie's lively record of her efforts to live as long and well as possible, bravely drawing on British traditions of humor and stoicism. Her writing reveals a woman who, despite her anger and grief, remains open to life's joys and observes what is happening around her with clear eyes. Her writing is fresh and funny and displays so much pop culture savoir faire that comparisons to Bridget Jones (a character she enjoyed) are inevitable. Picardie documents the foul-weather friends who appear when they learn of her illness, her ongoing battles with her weight and the only beneficial therapy she discovers: spending wads of money on makeup and clothing. Still, without turning maudlin, she recognizes the serious nature of her condition and gently reminds her readers that life is precarious and precious. To finish this deeply personal account is to lose a friend and to celebrate her ultimately triumphant life. (Sept.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 128 pages
• Publisher: Holt Paperbacks; First US edition (September 14, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0805066128
• ISBN-13: 978-0805066128
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,057,787 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Real Person Faces Death Without the Hollywood Makeover, February 3, 2001

By 

Debra MacKillop (Evergreen, CO) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Before I Say Goodbye: Recollections and Observations from One Woman's Final Year (Paperback)

Finally, a book that was so honest and real about facing death where one has time to contemplate it. Have you asked yourself what you would do. This is what most would really do, like Ruth, keep on spending time with the ones you love the most, hold onto hope, e-mail friends about the ordinary quirks and funny banalities of everyday life, be angry and sad, and slowly let go. Ruth was a marvelous writer at capturing all of this, honest, witty and succinct in a Bridget Jones' Diary style, but the most moving was her handwritten scribbles of a letter to her children before she died ("ask all the friends and relatives about me"). So poignant. Her husband's afterwords describing her last days and death so clearly brought home how lonely dying is, no one truly understands or can accompany you through it, and alienation from all and everything, even your husband and children, must result in order to say, finally, goodbye. I was really glad I found and read this book -- short but so emotionally moving I had to read it in stages. It makes you think, feel, ask yourself questions, and want to hold and talk to the ones you love. British humor and slang throughout. I found the British style and tone highlighted the humorous tidbits in Ruth's writing. She seemed a quite remarkable woman. Highly recommended.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Helping put my diagnosis and prognosis in perspective., August 16, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Before I Say Goodbye: Recollections and Observations from One Woman's Final Year (Paperback)

I was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor, Grade IV, and given a prognosis that was not exceptionally good. This book helped me put my feelings and emotions into perspective and better understanding, and it has helped family members who have read the book do the same. I enjoyed the book so much that I have ordered an extra copy to give to my Neurosurgeon in the hopes that he will find it worthy of having residents and medical students do required reading of it, in the hopes that they too can benefit from the patient's perspective. An excellent book of great value, but not an easy read for those diagnosed, or their families, with life threatening illness and disease.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars It Could Have Been My Mother, May 2, 2001

By 

Sandra Matras (Denmark) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Before I Say Goodbye: Recollections and Observations from One Woman's Final Year (Paperback)

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1996 and in November of 1998 she died, aged 44. I watched her becoming helpless, obedient, clildlike and frequently found myself wondering "Who is this woman and where did my mother disappear to?"

Reading this book helped me understand what happened to her and that it was not unusual for a cancer patient to become that way. In other words: She did not become a freak, and obviously that is a great comfort to know. My mother was still in there somewhere.

This book will make you laugh and cry. It will break your heart and increase your understanding of loss and death.

This book should be required reading everywhere!