Customer Reviews

Before You Say "I Do": A Marriage Preparation Manual for Couples

5 star:		(30)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Before I share the reasons for the lower rating, I will share the reasons I think this workbook is solid.

The authors are unapologetically Christian in their perspective, and all of their insight comes from a desire to assist marriages that are pleasing to God. They chose very helpful areas on which to focus, including expectations, needs, roles, in-laws, finances, conflict, sex. These are absolutely critical areas to cover! We especially enjoyed the sections that delved into our individual histories, such as the expectations, "what if" scenarios, sexual history, spiritual history, and family makeup. It was the beginning of some very probing discussions between us.

While I appreciated the general tone of the workbook, I have to admit that I felt somewhat disappointed. My new husband and I have both been independent adults for some time, and we found that much of the work in the in-laws and finances sections weren't very applicable to us. The writing seemed geared more toward a very young couple just starting out in the world, coming almost directly from the parental home.

We both also discovered that the book did not delve as deeply into these issues as we would have liked. The questions that we answered seemed more of a "warmup" to a more thorough investigation of these topics, and we tended to go looking through other books for a bit more substance. After filling out the previously mentioned sections on our personal histories, we wanted some additional direction with the next step, and often found ourselves disappointed that there was nothing further.

This is a good starter book, and a great "warmup" for additional discovery and conversation. However, I would likely suggest numerous other books instead of this one, due to their applicability to people in different stages of their lives and a more thorough treatment of these important topics. (e.g. Starting Your Marriage Off Right, The Most Important Year in a Man's/Woman's Life, Love Life for Every Married Couple, Rocking the Roles...)

As a pastor, I do my fair share of premarital counseling. And what I look for in a premarital primer is something that asks good, penetrating questions, is steeped in scripture, and challenges the bridal couple to implement the lessons in their marital life. This workbook does all that. I should say that since I'm not really into psychology, I tend to skim over chapters 4-6 rather quickly and move right onto chapter 7. But everything else in the book (the chapters on understanding marriage, childhood backgrounds, the concept of biblical love, communication, conflict, inlaws, roles, finances, sex, and spirituality) is outstanding. Buy this book if you are planning on getting married or if you are planning on doing any premarital counseling.

Before you say I Do is a wonderful tool in assessing whether or not the person you are dating is truly "the one". The chapters deal with a number of different aspects concerning compatibility between people. My favorite chapter deals with the "what ifs" of life and provokes couples to compare how they would handle lifes difficulties.

I have used this tool with a number of different couples in premarital counseling resulting in some wonderful revelations about where the couples were and where they were going.

Use this manual if you really want to discover where you and your prospective mate stand on the important issues of life.

We purchased two copies of this book. We live 100 miles apart right now and are working on one chapter at a time together. We meet on weekends and discuss the chapter and questions. (We actually finished just before New Year's Eve.)

Many of the items had already come up in our discussion, but this has opened up other areas such as goal setting.

If your spouse to be doesn't have the energy to plan and prepare now, what does that say about how she or he will treat the rest of life.

We have the benefit of both being over 40. If you you are a young person, please take seriously the need to plan. The passion doesn't have to leave, I agree, but you have to plan and do the work to support the long term growth of that passion.

A book like this will help. If you are not a person of faith this book will be of little value to you. If your fiance is not a person of faith this book could be pretty difficult.

If you think YOU can SAVE your finance, then you both need to read something other than this. That is a whole different issue.

After getting through the entire book - I can say that some of the questions are a bit repetitive - but all and all it is something I strongly reccomend for Christians considering marriage.

When I was engaged, this book was given to me by a friend who was also currently engaged. She had really enjoyed working through the exercises with her fiance (now husband) and so she passed it on to me. Me and my fiance (now husband, also) really enjoyed this book as well. The questions it asks are thought and conversation provoking, which is exactly what engaged couples need!

Be forewarned though, that this book is REALLY religiously minded (references many Bible passages) but don't let that turn you off if you're not a religious person. My husband & I are not AT ALL religious, but we got JUST as much out of the book (we simply skipped the pieces that didn't apply to us).

I recommend this book to anyone planning on getting married -- in fact, I just sent a copy to a friend of mine who just got engaged.

My husband and I worked through this book in 1987 and were married the following year. I can honestly say that this book helped us avoid some HUGE fights and problems, since it led us through discussions we might never have thought to have otherwise. Among other things, it forced us to discuss and evaluate our expectations, it taught us to be realistic in planning our finances and household duties, and it let us answer some TOUGH questions (children, sex, holidays) that were much easier to discuss PRIOR to marriage. I have given this book as an engagement gift a hundred times since! My happy, peaceful marriage is proof that it works.

My (now) wife and I began going through this workbook together before we got married. Certainly it's comprehensive, and covers many aspects of the marriage relationship, including key points such as differences in personality and expectations, as well as other important day to day issues such as managing one's finances. In this regard, it's a helpful and systematic guide to the many facets of a marriage relationship. For the two of us, however, the main downside was that the book was rather dry and tedious. Being a couple who enjoy talking to one another, we found that the book had the tendency to dwell (laboriously) on issues that we'd already `covered' in the course of everyday conversation. For myself, it didn't inspire me as much as, say, the short book by Ed Wheat (which comes highly recommended), and sessions sometimes took on the feel of an evening with one's tax return. So in summary, it's not a bad book -- it's solid, and comprehensive and certainly worth considering, and comes highly recommended for those with mail order brides/husbands and couples who might have problems communicating.

I never knew about 98 percent of the things discussed in this book...What a blessing to have read it and gone through it before we were married!

This book is outstanding! My girlfriend was given a copy by a co-worker. We both started scanning the book and were soon impressed by the seriousness and depth of the questions. A number of very important questions would never have been asked if we hadn't had the book as a guide.

I'd encourage any serious couple to get a copy. BTW, my girlfriend is now my wife.

This is an excellent tool for taking a potential bride and groom through the myriad of issues that come up before, during and after the "Big Day". This book is not a quick study and requires a committment to homework and serious Pre-Marital sessions. A pre-nuptual workout!!