Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide To Hosting the Perfect Funeral [Hardcover]

Gayden Metcalfe (Author), Charlotte Hays (Author)

Book Description

Release date: March 16, 2005

"Being Dead Is No Excuse is sure to have Southern hostesses nodding their perfectly coiffed heads in unison." --USA TODAY

Folks in the Delta have a strong sense of community, and being dead is no impediment to belonging to it. Down South, they don't forget you when you've up and died--in fact, they visit you more often. But there are quintessential rules and rituals for kicking the bucket tastefully. Having a flawless funeral is one of them.

In this deliciously entertaining slice of Southern life (and death), inveterate hostess Gayden Metcalfe explains everything you need to know to host an authentic Southern funeral. Can you be properly buried without tomato aspic? Who prepares tastier funeral fare, the Episcopal ladies or the Methodist ladies? And what does one do when a family gets three sheets to the wind and eats the entire feast the night before a funeral?

Each chapter includes a delicious, tried-and-true Southern recipe, critical if you plan to die tastefully any time soon. Pickled Shrimp, Aunt Hebe's Coconut Cake, and the ubiquitous Bing Cherry Salad with Coca-Cola are among the many dishes guaranteed to make the next funeral the most satisfying one yet.

Even if you've never been south of Rochester, this book will charm, it will entertain, and it will give you all the ingredients required for the perfect Southern send-off.

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. Metcalfe, a lifelong Southerner who's been hiding out in the social circles of Greenville, Miss., exposes the culinary and cultural last rites of the deep South in a fashion that is as sidesplitting as it is politically incorrect, as sincere as it is backstabbingly brutal. She is capably aided by Hays, a "recovering gossip columnist" from Washington, D.C. Residents of the Mississippi Delta, where "polishing silver is the southern lady's version of grief therapy," take their comfort food semiseriously, be it traditional Pickled Shrimp, Liketa Died Potatoes (which incorporate both cheddar cheese and canned cheddar cheese soup) or cream cheese–laden Pecan Tassies. Nobody would be caught dead without Tomato Aspic at the funeral, and St. James' Cranberry Congealed Salad topped with mayonnaise is the dessert of choice. An entire chapter is devoted to stuffed eggs, and another is dedicated to dishes that use canned soup as their base ("Nothing whispers sympathy quite like a frozen-pea casserole with canned bean sprouts and mushroom soup"). A lengthy discourse on "The Methodist Ladies vs. the Episcopal Ladies" is laugh-out-loud funny in its contrast of customs and cuisines and its consideration of the consolation of a "nice, stiff cocktail." And many Greenville residents, alive and deceased, drop by for a howdy, including poor Maribell Wilson, who made the mistake of driving her daddy's ashes home with the windows down. B&w illus.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist

There are too few words and phrases to adequately describe this unique devil-take-the-hindmost approach to cooking and end-of-life ceremonies. Tongue in cheek? Maybe. Laugh-out-loud narrative? Definitely. Plus, an extraordinary combination of ingredients (it is a cookbook, after all). We learn that a "glowing obituary is practically a birthright in the Delta"; that both artificial flowers and carnations at a funeral are definitely passe; and that two of the top-10 "hits" for a funeral ceremony are "Abide with Me" and "Amazing Grace." The lists--and detailed social customs--go on and on and on, including guidance on well-stocked pantry foodstuffs and eternal cocktails. One hundred or so (who's counting?) recipes ensure that no cuisine is omitted; a pineapple casserole nestles beside tomato aspic with mayonnaise. Pimiento cheese enhances the traditional crustless finger sandwiches and picked shrimp. In the end, the authors guarantee no one will ever be out of place at a south-of-the-Mason-Dixon-Line funeral celebration. Barbara Jacobs
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Miramax (March 16, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1401359345
• ISBN-13: 978-1401359348
• Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 0.9 x 7.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (152 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #86,815 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #31 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Cooking
  • #35 in Books > Cookbooks, Food & Wine > Special Occasions > Holidays

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

69 of 71 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THE SOUTH ! March 30, 2005

By Gail Cooke HALL OF FAMETOP 500 REVIEWERVINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover

Forget Scarlet, Zelda, and Tallulah, they pale beside the ladies of the Mississippi Delta who are dedicated, determined, and (pun intended) dead set on seeing the dearly departed off in style.

"Being Dead Is No Excuse" is laugh out loud funny, true, and chock full of recipes for must-be-served dishes at after funeral receptions. Tomato aspic with homemade mayonnaise tops the list that includes Aunt Hebe's Coconut Cake and Virginia's Butterbeans. Those who doubt the import of a table groaning under countless casseroles will learn that "Nobody eats better than the bereaved Southerner. We celebrate weddings, christenings, birthdays, and just about every milestone in life with food. But every southerner knows that death cooking is our very best."

Now, it's not only the food, but it's also the presentation. For Southern ladies, polishing silver is a form of grief therapy thus the serving pieces will be immaculate. In addition, linens are required. "We do not want Mildred to go under with paper napkins."

Metcalfe forthrightly addresses the vanity often ascribed to Southern women by describing an older lady who passed away and wanted to be "laid out" as she looked during the happiest days of her life - when she was a waitress. Thanks to the craftsmanship of the local undertaker she appeared in her coffin in waitress uniform with ruby red lips and the same color hair.

Then there is Lavinia, the former wife of a philanderer. Not wishing to be outdone at his services, she made a Botox appointment, bought designer duds, and hired a King Air private jet which she directed to buzz the church. There wasn't anyone with ears who didn't know "someone" had arrived.... Then, Lavinia strode smartly down the aisle stage-whispering, "I don't want anybody to know I'm here.....I just came for the children."

Greenville, Mississippi native Metcalfe hasn't missed a beat in relating the rollicking rites and rituals necessary for the Southerner's final goodbye, including the frequency of their visits to the local cemetery. "We won't forget you just because you've up and died," she writes. "We may even like you better and visit you more often."

Few will forget "Being Dead Is No Excuse."

- Gail Cooke Read more ›

28 of 28 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars I laughed 'til I thought I'd die. March 14, 2005

By John Sartoris

Format:Hardcover

"As I Lay Dying" with recipes and a lot more humor. This exploration of Southern funeral customs is not only funny, but it also confirms that the South is still different from the rest of the country and celebrates those differences. A southern funeral must follow certain forms and the mourners have to tell stories, have a laugh and eat well. You can read it for the description of the folkways and keep it on your shelf for the recipes.

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Yummy! March 31, 2006

By suzy

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

I liked this so much I bought 5 extra for gifts! Recipes are wonderful and book is delightful! I've made several of the dishes in it & they are great.When people ask for a recipe that comes from this book, I just tell them "It's a gift from the dead"..and we all have a laugh...and then they go buy the book!I love it to just read too!

23 of 27 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars A Yankee View May 7, 2005

By Lawrence W. Prichard

Format:Hardcover

"Being Dead is No Excuse" by Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hays is very funny, charming, and perhaps more accurate than some might like to admit.I admit it, I am a "Yankee," (Though to a true Northerner, a Yankee is from New England, and one who eats apple pie with sharp Cheddar cheese for breakfast!), but I am highly familiar with funerals and preparations for "a good send-off." Metcalfe and Hays have written a funny, touching book that has aspects (and aspics!) that are applicable anywhere in the United States.However, this otherwise excellent book has been marred by sloppy, sloppy editing, as is too common any more. One thing, the hymn is "Our God, Our Help in Ages Past," not "Oh God....." And some of the recipes, which are mostly Southern classics (and rightly so!) lack crucial information as to pan sizes, or yields. If you're not going to cook from this book, no problem, but many of the recipes are so appealing, that it is really unfortunate that they were not edited better.

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Take it From Me June 3, 2005

By Joyce Naron

Format:Hardcover

I'm a former Greenvillian, a long-time AA member, but alas, not Episcopalian.Two out of three ain't bad, so I feel qualified to testify that this book nails the quirky yet genteel personality of the Mississipi Delta. Truth, being stranger than fiction makes for howling, southern gothic comedy. Gayden Metcalfe is not exaggerating! The recipies for the funeral fare made me want to break out the pots and pans!

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars A Guide to the Guide September 23, 2005

By book addict

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

As a Southern church musician, reared by a grandmother born in the late 1800's the details of the customs, societal expectations,family eccentricities and community fixtures are "dead on." (pun intended) The friendly(?) competition between churches and individuals illustrates the status-consciousness of the matrons in towns and small cities. The recipes remind me of the comfort food of my youth. And no one has more characters than South.

If you are from the South, you'll recognize the people and the ideology. If you're not from the South, this is a great introduction to our customs, cuisine and contrariness.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Every Yankee needs a copy! January 17, 2006

By Jirka

Format:Hardcover

All my Yankee friends need a copy of this book! It is an insightful addition to my own whimsical library! If you live in the South it is a funny look at our strange funeral practices and if you don't live in the South it will give you a little insight on what we do and why we do it. It is a must read for any person North or South of the Mason-Dixon Line. Not only is it a fabulous read it has recipes also. Ok some are less than desirable eats but you will still find the delta ladies cook it with class and serve it on a silver platter. Yes, we still have good silver and we use it too, especially at a funeral. In the book they talk about Southern women polishing the silver when a death has happened and that is exactly as I remember it also. Buy it! Read it! Love it!