Being Homosexual: Gay Men and Their Development (Vintage) [Paperback]

Richard Isay (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 5, 2009 | Series: Vintage

Richard Isay was the first person to challenge the homophobia of the psychoanalytic community and prove, through his own story and those of his patients, that homosexuality is an innate characteristic rather than a learned pathology. Now revised and updated for the 21st-century, the groundbreaking Being Homosexual carries the reader through the main developmental stages in the gay male's life cycle from the initial awareness of same-sex impulses to coming out, forming friendships with other gay men, and a mature integration of one's sexual identity. An invaluable resource for gay men, Being Homosexual is a compassionate and powerful work.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Many psychiatrists still tend to view homosexuality as an emotional disturbance arising from unsatisfactory childhood relations with parents. Disputing them, Isay, a psychiatrist who has treated gay men for more than 20 years, views his patients' homosexual orientation as totally normal, nonpathological and constitutional in origin. In this succinct, clearly written volume, he maps the developmental stages in the gay male's life cycle, from the small boy's awareness of same-sex impulses to "self-labeling," coming out, homosocialization (forming friendships with other gay men) and mature integration of one's sexual identity. Isay is especially good at showing how a rejecting father and a close-binding or denigrating mother can damage the gay male's sense of self-worth. He brings a liberal, liberating, neo-Freudian perspective to a discussion of gay relationships, homoerotic fantasies, bisexuality, the effects of the AIDS epidemic and society's increasing homophobia on gay men's emotional development.
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Isay (psychiatry, Cornell and Columbia) addresses himself both to his professional colleagues and to gay men who wish to understand more fully the dynamics of their own development. He differs sharply with orthodox psychoanalysis in rejecting the categorical classification of homosexuality per se as pathological. Instead, he insists--on the basis of his clinical experience--that homosexuality is both constitutional and the natural end point of psychosexual development for some. Isay focuses on the influences of an "early erotic attachment to the father" on the course of adult gay male sexuality. An important work, radically different in its assumptions and conclusions from many others on this topic. Highly recommended.
- James Michael MacLeod, Library of Congress
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 176 pages
• Publisher: Vintage (May 5, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 030738957X
• ISBN-13: 978-0307389572
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.2 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #663,661 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent, February 10, 2006

By 

the apollo review (USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Being Homosexual: Gay Men and Their Development (Paperback)

This book uses a psychological approach to probe the development of gay men and the underlying causes of issues many gay men face. This book is concise, to the point and covers topics including low self-esteem, paternal rejection, relationship difficulties and societal restraints. The chapters are as follows:

Chapter 1: What is Homosexuality?

Chapter 2: Childhood and Early Homosexual Identity

Chapter 3: Fathers and Their Homosexual Sons in Childhood

Chapter 4: Adolescence and Young Adulthood of Gay Men

Chapter 5: AIDS: The Development of Healthy Gay Men & Homophobia

Chapter 6: Lovers and Others: Gay Relationships

Chapter 7: The Homoerotic Fantasy of Heterosexual Men and the Question of Bisexuality

Chapter 8: Psychotherapy with Gay Men

Chapter 9: Society and Gay Men

The information is very informative and Richard Isay cites specific behavioral examples from former patients to highlight his points and give the reader insight into the motivation behind those particular men's choices. The book was released in 1989 and while it's true that attitudes and ideas have changed (some for the better, some for the worse) this book has many passages that contain truths that should be remembered.

For example: in regards to fathers of gay sons:

"If the fathers of homosexual boys were accepting and loving toward them, these children would have a model for loving and caring for other men, a model that has not been traditionally available in our society."

In regards to how society views gay men:

"The roots of homophobia, as we have seen, lie in the hatred of what is perceived and labeled as feminine in men. In societies where women are subjugated, feared or discriminated against because men feel contaminated or polluted by them, "feminine" character traits in males will be despised."

Another passage really captures the essence of how societies view gay men by simply stating, "Our society does not desire to see gay men in stable, responsible, mutually gratifying relationships. Such relationships are still too threatening to the sense of masculinity in most segments of Western culture."

Bottom line is I recommend this book to all gay men in addition to reading as many other books as they can find on related topics to gain access to various viewpoints and approaches. While this book uses a psychoanalytical approach, it still offers valuable insights into the development of gay men.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book for gay people or those that love us, December 7, 2009

By 

Craig H. Garver "Rail Historian" (Tucson, AZ USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Being Homosexual: Gay Men and Their Development (Vintage) (Paperback)

When I came out, among the first books I read on being gay were from Rik Isensee and Richard Isay, and they were extremely useful and uplifting. Be sure to pick up this and the companion book, Isay's Becoming Gay. If you're struggling with self acceptance and coming out issues, or know someone who is, this is a great place to start learning. First comes self acceptance, then loving who you truly are - THEN you can tell someone else all about who you are. Once you've got the self-acceptance part down, the rest is incredibly easy. You can't go wrong with this author on any of his books on being gay.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Gay Men Are Born Gay; They Develop Normally Like Everyone Else, September 14, 2009

By 

Regis Schilken "Rege" (Bethel Park, Pennsylvania) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Being Homosexual: Gay Men and Their Development (Vintage) (Paperback)

Men who are sexually attracted to their own gender have been discriminated against long enough. Being Homosexual is a doctor/therapist's attempt to help eliminate some of the tremendous weight of that enduring injustice.

According to Dr. Isay, homosexuals are in every way normal people, normal men, who have all the feelings, hopes, sorrows, loves, desires, as every other person on our planet. In spite of their desire for same sex couplings, gay people must not be looked upon any differently than one person's desire to become a sculptor while another may choose to paint, play a musical instrument, or become a banker, or an athlete.

The tendency to exhibit heterosexual or homosexual behavior is innate, just as any other trait or predisposition. And herein lays the issue. For generations, homosexuality has been thought of as the result of:
1) too much mothering or a domineering mother,
2) too much fathering, or an insufficient father image,
3) playing with girls as a child,
4) not playing with enough boys,
5) an insufficiency of the male hormone, androgen,
6) fear of women,
7) lack of self control,
8) giving into sinful temptation.

The list could go on and on.

After years of counseling both heterosexual and homosexual men, in Being Homosexual, Dr. Isay provides much clinical insight. While a gay man may exhibit one or more of the tendencies above, the observed tendency did not cause his homosexuality. Rather, the man was born gay.

The damage done to the personality of a homosexual man because of continuing societal attitudes, easily explains why numerous gay men seek psychological counseling. Dr. Isay reports that he counsels men who hide their sexuality, often through traditional marriages, to prove to the world and to themselves that they are not abnormal. One can only imagine what years of denial and loathing can do to this person's self image who accepts and believes society's interpretation of normalcy.

Then too, Being Homosexual talks of those men who accept their male erotic preferences. The sad fact is that, psychologically, these men feel they are weird, queer, fag, abnormal, unbalanced, or in someway freaks of nature--even sinful. Dr. Isay discusses how he has led many of his clients to believe differently. But it takes many counseling sessions, sometimes several years of psychotherapy, before these gay men believe that their preferences are N-O-R-M-A-L for them--to hell with
ongoing masculine norms often set by biblical beliefs.

Dr. Isay discusses relationships between gay men. He talks of helping homosexual men accept themselves as normal whether they seek a casual erotic overnight encounter, or a much longer bonding which can last for weeks, months, or even years.

Personally I know two gay men who have been awarded permanent custody of one small boy, and are battling the courts to keep a second child. Thankfully, the issue of custody is not a question of either male caretaker's sexuality. It is a problem with normal parents who have no desire to raise their son, but who are unwilling to consent to permanent adoption.

This short review has barely skimmed the surface of the remarkable insight an individual can gain by reading Being Homosexual. The book is a resource filled with success stories for psychologically troubled men--heterosexual and gay. For men who have been tormented with identity and self-esteem problems, reading about other normal gay males with similar feelings of self-worth can be an end in itself.

The book will be extremely helpful for those men and women genuinely seeking to understand the developmental problems of homosexual boys growing into adulthood. Carrying enlightened information via conversational exchange into the home, the neighborhood, the community, and the church, one educated person can do much to lift the tortuous burden our society still places on homosexuality.

The book is well-written, well-documented, and easy to follow. Of particular interest is the chapter titled, "Psychotherapy with Gay Men." Becoming Homosexual warns of therapists who themselves perceive homosexuality in some way other than normal.

If a gay adolescent or adult seeks counseling because of existing self-acceptance problems, one can only shudder at the harm done by a therapist who makes attempts to cure this individual. Gays are not sick. Gays are not abnormal. Gays are not immoral. Their mental health comes from acceptance of a satisfying expression of natural, inborn, human sexuality.

I would highly recommend this book to ALL readersBecoming Gay: The Journey to Self-Acceptance (Vintage)The Advocate Guide to Gay Men's Health and Wellness, particularly to those who claim disinterest. Burying one's manly brain in hot sand will not make deeply engrained attitudes about gays and lesbians evaporate. They are normal folks who seek a gratifying life style like everyone else. Because we are all one under the same God, it is only right to embrace all brothers and sisters in a way that brings them the love, honor, and respect, their God-given personalities deserve.