Being Single in a Couples World: How to Be Happily Single While Looking for Love [Hardcover]

Xavier Amador (Author), Judith Kiersky (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 23, 1998

How many times have you said to yourself, "This is the last wedding I go to alone"? Are you at a loss for answers when your friends and family suggest that "your problem is you're too picky" or "you're not trying hard enough"? Does it seem like all the good ones are taken? Whether you are actively looking for a mate or have decided that marriage isn't what you want right now, psychotherapists Xavier Amador and Judith Kiersky can help you deal with the problems that come from being single in a couples' world.

Drawing on years of clinical experience and research with both single and married clients, Amador and Kiersky have identified the five common stumbling blocks that can get in the way of enjoying singlehood. Taking a careful look at the obstacles that cause single people the most pain, the authors have developed a four-step plan to help you achieve balance and happiness whether or not you stay single. And the first and most challenging step is to stop buying into old-fashioned ideas about singlehood and marriage.

What's making you unhappy isn't being single but the false assumptions that we all hold about marriage-- what the authors call cultural and personal "marriage scripts". Cultural scripts equate matrimony with maturity, morality, and success and serve to make single people feel like second-class citizens. Personal marriage scripts, the subconscious expectations each of us has about marriage, get in the way of forming healthy, satisfying, and lasting relationships.

Combining clear advice and vivid case examples, "Being Single in a Couples' World" gives all of us the tools we need to find our way to a healthier self and more meaningful relationships.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Sometimes when you look around, it seems as if the entire world is coupled up. Family, friends, that cute twosome holding hands walking down the street, everyone is either married or in a serious, committed relationship. If you're not one of those people, the world can seem a lonely place. But why is that? Why can't a person be both single and happy?

Xavier Amador, coauthor of When Someone You Love Is Depressed, and Judith Kiersky attack this question in this clear and wonderfully written book. Using case studies and drawing on years of clinical work as psychologists and professors, the authors investigate the basis of both men and women's dissatisfaction as singles. Tracing the roots of the stigma of aloneness, they examine the obstacles that prevent singles from being content--everything from family and friends to fear and ambivalence. They then describe the four stages of being single, and finally, they give you the tools that will enable you to "be single in the present." Unlike other self-help books dealing with singledom, the goal of this book is not to get you married; it's to figure out why you're single and to help you gain balance and happiness as you are.

Whether you've never married or are divorced or widowed, whether you wish to remain single or to eventually have a meaningful relationship, this book will guide you in bypassing the "cultural scripts" that demand you need a mate to be fulfilled. The authors show that life can be great on your own. --Jenny Brown

Review

Dr. Judith Sills author of Loving Men More, Needing Men Less and Excess Baggage Amador and Kiersky offer a clear and comforting path from the anxiety and self-blame that torment singles to a self-acceptance that can open the door to love.

Terrence Real author of I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression Xavier Amador and Judith Kiersky have written a splendid and overdue book. Clear, direct, full of both penetrating analysis and useful advice, Being Single in a Couples' World reads like a road map to the soul of both marriage and singlehood. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: Free Press; First Edition edition (April 23, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684843498
• ISBN-13: 978-0684843490
• Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 6.3 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,912,576 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Finally, a book that eliminates the guilt of singlehood, November 23, 1999

By A Customer

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Being Single in a Couples World: How to Be Happily Single While Looking for Love (Hardcover)

Pretty good book. Helps you get over the feeling that if you're single you're a freak. Gives guidance on how to get comfortable with singlehood, how to resist well-meaning but demeaning comments from parents and others who think the whole world should be married, and how to make decisions involving your status. Some of the case studies border on being a little tedious, but with hindsight, I see the purpose they fill. I'd recommend this book to any single adult.

35 of 39 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Misnomer!, October 11, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Being Single in a Couple's World: How to Be Happily Single While Looking for Love (Paperback)

The title and subtitle of this book are misnomers; there is not alot about being "happily single" and alot (very repititiously) about changing your "internal script" to become more amenable to partnering. Not a bad hypothesis in itself, of course. If you are single and not happy about it then, by all means, read this book; it contains some valuable information about gaining insight on your situation. If you are, however, seeking support and guidance for finding joy and fulfillment as a single person look elsewhere.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Some good information but hard to get through...., February 21, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Being Single in a Couples World: How to Be Happily Single While Looking for Love (Hardcover)

I found this book difficult to read but it had some very good information that makes you stop and think. The most important point to me that was brought to light was in regards to blaming. The authors point out how singles blame...themselves, parents, men, women, etc...for their single status. Explaining how subtle and insidious this cycle of blame can be was very informative and helpful. Some of the replies that the authors tell you to use against some of the hurtful comments that singles get, were ridiculous to me. I sort of lost faith around that point in the book, but luckily that was toward the end. All in all, there are some valid points in this book and it is definately worth a look.