Customer Reviews

Being a Woman: Fulfilling Your Femininity and Finding Love

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

This book is a great tool for self-discovery & managing your marriage. The jacket describes it as "suggesting a way to live that is balanced between the adaptive attitude of the homemaker of the fifties and the aggressive woman of the eighties . . . it explores the unfulfilled promises of liberation and the personal disappointments many women have suffered in their quests for independence . . .it shows today's woman how to embrace her feminity and how to expand her capacity for love and bonding."

This book,better than any other I have read, addresses the true desires of today's woman in relation to men (feeling important, valued, special,feminine), how to achieve it (no one likes a shrew, acknowledge the needs of men, find fulfillment in your own identity) and why the independence that so attacts men SEEMS to ultimately turn them off.

Some of the "lies of liberation" include the idea that women and men are the same sexually and emotionally, that Doing is better than Being, and the idea that to be feminine is to be weak.

As a single daughter of a single mother, you can bet I was not terribly open to hearing about my own weakness or shortcomings. I always said I didn't need or want a man. But as I realized that was not true, I also did not want to be mistreated or lose my identity. This book showed me that uncommited sex truly did not meet my wants,because what I wanted was a committed relationship that would lead to marriage. Accepting less made me feel devalued and dependent.

To Be A Woman is to accept your femininity identity by Being (a hard concept I know) instead of defining yourself through what you own or do.This femininity attracts men who want to lead and protect - something women are dying to have but never seem to find. Then, when your man does something boneheaded (as he will sooner or later)your femininity allows you to "rise above" petty arguments to see the larger picture of a relationship where your husband is your hero, the man that you admire and trust.

The independence that so attracts men does not ultimately turn men off. Part of what turns them off is that most women have a horror of needing anyone.Needing someone seems to imply weakness and dependence.Sooner or later,most women start to feel that they are vulnerable to this dependence and do something to "prove" their independence by picking up the check,driving the car,opening their own door,etc.Let's face it,if these acts are so meaningless,why do women run to doors,yank them open and say, "I can do it myself!".Repeated acts like this show a man he is not needed,that the woman cannot give up the appearance of power or control to gain the true balance of give and take. No one,including men, likes someone who is so jealous of control that they cannot give up the minor things that allow a man to feel he is trusted,needed and important.

I was astonished to discover that MY ATTITUDE had a tremendous effect on my husband's behavior.When I argued,proved my point or "defended myself verbally" my husband would INVARIABLY argue back,shut down and become intractable in his opinion.Whereas if I allowed him to express his ideas (without name calling or expletives,those are walk-away situations)without my becoming inflamed,he usually became willing to listen to my short,to-the-point responses.My calmness would transmit to him and almost always defuses his anger.This is behavior I would have previously perceived as "weak" because it seems passive. But it is not.To choose behavior that attains the desired result is a powerful,active behavior.

To be able to radiate calm in stressful situations, to control my own (sometimes petty) behavior, to choose a life that fulfills my needs without expecting my husband to be the "end all, be all" that many books espouse - these are the things this book has helped me move toward.

I very much recommed this book for both single and married women for discovering your own motivations and behaviors that keep you from having the inner calmness and peace most of us desire.

I figured out that the reason I can't find this book in used bookstores and resale shops in many major cities, is because it is a permanent, valuable REFERENCE BOOK in personal libraries and no one wants to let go of it! Fortunately, public libraries carry it as well as the author, herself. It should be entitled, "Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Being The Nearly Perfect Woman and Attracting The Nearly Perfect Man", and Dr. Grant does it in an easy-to-read, no-psychobabble precious few pages. Dr. Toni rocks!!!!!

I stumbled across this book at a garage sale, and it intrigued me. Thumbing through it, however, revealed a treasure trove of truth and wonderful insights into what women do/don't know about men and what they want to know. It also defined, brilliantly, what is true of most men today. Dr. Grant expresses, as a woman with brilliant insight, everything a man would like the 'modern' woman to know about femininity and happy coupling. It is a dead art in American culture today. In an era where men are seen as women's nemesis, where competing with or openly despising men is more fashionable than healthy inter-dependence, where many women have, sadly, forgotten the great power and how-to of Being A Woman, this is a timely book of brilliant insight. Ladies, want all the secrets to what we are about? how to find one of us and KEEP one of us? It's right here.

This book is very helpful to me as I date men after getting divorced a year ago. I really like the idea that surrendering, that being receptive, and that being instead of doing, is the feminine way. I've started looking for clues that this is a widely held belief. In many movies, the romantic object, "the girl," fits well with Toni Grant's profile of a woman. She doesn't have to prove herself; she has the power to attract just by being her best self.

I also like the thorough academic treatment of the subject that precedes the practical advice toward the end of the book. It might perhaps be a little less repetitive, but still, this is a book I'll read again.

Toni Grant gives me the impression that she really knows what she's talking about, and she doesn't shy away from the difficult part of being feminine. I'll quote:

"Becoming a truly receptive woman, a woman oriented toward love rather than toward power, can be a frightening and at times overwhelming task. This transformation is often experienced as a complete disintegration of the personality, a kind of falling apart. Long after she had surrendered to Theseus, Hippolyta recalled:
'When you threw me and got my sword, that was a death to me. I woke all empty ... I thought, "Now I am nothing."'
Yet from that 'nothing' grew a new sense of something, a new kind of power which is born of love." (Page 173)

I wish Toni Grant had written another edition, so we could have the benefit of her experience in a world that has changed since the 1980s. We have the Internet and Speed Dating, and our culture is changing little by little. But men and women haven't changed, and perhaps that renders a newer edition unnecessary. I have made several marks in the book because I want to go back later and find the important points.

I've read The Rules. Those ideas were useful when I was being courted by my ex-husband, and which I use now with some modifications. I've also read The Surrendered Wife, which helped me a lot during my marriage. (These books did not, however, turn my ex-husband into an honorable man, and I chose to divorce him even though I improved as a wife and a woman.) Both of those books were worthwhile. But Toni Grant's book, Being a Woman, is great. I'm so glad I found it just now.

Thanks, Toni, I'm in your debt.

Dr. Toni Grant Premiere radio Psychologist is greatly missed by those who listened to her on a daily basis. This book encapsulates some of her most basic thoughts on love and relationships. If you are a modern woman or man and are having trouble getting a commitment to marriage from your special someone, then this book is for you. Dr. Grant, please return to the radio waves or write more books.

I really live by this book, or try to at least! I've been married for ten years and they've been very happy years because of this book. Find out how to embrace your femininity....find and read a copy of this book!

Bought this used as a gift to a lady friend who was having marital problems. When the book was new, I gave copies to my daughter and each of my sisters-in-law. Doctor Grant preceded Doctor Laura on LA radio and I always listened to her during lunch and coffee breaks. She shows you how to be a classic lady (with a spine of steel) that men admire and want to please. She famously said "You can be right ... or you can be loved" when asked for advice about cettain situations. Oh, she describes the black madonna (the steel in the spine,) but she clearly defines how to manage that personna. By the way, I'm a man who really loves and admires a select bunch of women ... and I usually simply walk away from the kind of woman you only wantBeing a Woman - Fulfilling Your Feminity And Finding Love to see next Tuesday!

This book helped to save what I thought was a hopeless marriage. Every woman needs this teaching to help her and her husband or future husband to have a fulfilling, "in-love" kind of relationship like you never dreamed could be possible outside of fairy tales.

It's been my observation that men are valued by what they DO. This is something they can control. If a man is shortchanged in looks or physique he can still make, do, and act and be a man. And even a physically unattractive man can succeed in work and with women.

However, women are valued more by things they can't control -- like looks, shape, etc. Dieting and styles and makeup can help women look better, but still it is still not nearly as much in her control as initiative taking and "doing" is for men. And to me, "BEING" is not as easily controlled as "DOING."

I am not in favor of being a "control freak." But we may need to do a big redefinition of BEING. Folks, BEING results in actions. For me to BE who I am, I must be a writer, musician, teacher and thinker and artist. And that is going to involve writing, teaching, thinking, drawing and painting. Guess what! Those are actions! Oh, dear! Did my estrogen level go down when I started to write this review?

I can't help thinking that this is more of the Mars/Venus stuff rehashed.

To me, the best way for a woman to treat her husband is with plain old fashioned GOOD MANNERS. I try not to "upstage" him because that would be disrespectful and mean. Do you know how I know that? It's because I don't like it when anyone else -- male or female -- tries to upstage me. It's mean. It's impolite. And it's egotistical.

On the other hand, if I can do something that he can't do, and he feels threatened by that, then I say that the relationship is not worth having. If he "has" to have a higher IQ than I do, if he "has" to be the most capable person in the relationship, then it's phony, pure and simple. And it would make me respect men and masculinity less.

Fortunately, I think most rational men would agree.

I would rather attract a man in the middle of doing something I enjoy doing and have him compliment me on THAT as opposed to my "blue eyes" or something else over which I have ixnay zilcho control.

By the way -- I am happily married to a man who thinks that this stereotyping stuff is silly.

Dr. Toni Grant is a beautiful, charming woman, but her book did nothing for me. I do miss her wonderful radio program and wish it were broadcast here.