Customer Reviews

Bending Toward the Sun: A Mother and Daughter Memoir

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Bending Toward the Sun is a heart-wrenching, emotional memoir. Leslie Gilbert-Lurie with the help of her mother, Rita Lurie, shares their story of surviving through hell and back.

When Rita was just five years old, her family as well as their friends received orders from the Gestapo to report to the train station, as they were to be deported from their home town of Urzejowice in Poland. Rita, her family and their relatives vanished through the night. They left behind their home and possessions to seek safety from the Germans. Rita's family comes upon a good friend. His name is Stashik Grajolski. For two years Rita and about eleven other family members lived in Mr. and Mrs. Grajolski's attic. They eventually were able to make their way out of Poland and set foot on American soil.

Bending Toward the Sun tells this amazing story of courage, sadness, and family. I like how this book was broken out into three sections. The first section tells the story of Rita Lurie and her incredible journey. The next two sections are about Leslie and her daughter Mikaela with Rita. They remember their time together from the past to the present. I thought this was a lovely story. I got to know Rita and found her to be a nice woman. This was one memoir I was happy to read. It reminded me of The Diary of Anne Frank and The Hiding Place. Two really good non fiction novels. One thing though is that at the beginning as I was just getting to know Rita, I found all the people she came upon hard to keep straight. Other than this factor, I did like this book.

Bending Towards the Sun is a great three generation biography. I absolutely loved this book. The history geek, oops I meant teacher, in me loved the true life holocaust story. The story starts out by telling the story of the Mother Rita and her time during the Holocaust in Poland. It is a amazing tale of her time spent in hiding and her life being a displaced person after the war. Sort of like the story of what if Anne Frank had lived. The story then goes on to tell the tale of Rita coming to America and the hardships she faced both with her past and present emotional issues. Add to this the sprinkling of her daughter Leslie biography on top. The book ends by discussing the enmeshed life that these two women and their granddaughter/Daughter lives.


What I loved most about this book was the in depth look into what life was life for holocaust survivors after the war. As a history teacher I have often become privy to accounts of what life was like for someone when they were in hiding or in a concentration camp, but not a lot is written about what life was like for this group of people after the war. What I also found fascinating was the look into how someones haunted past can not only affect their lives but also the lives of all the generations to follow.


I would highly recommend this book to any who loves biographies, psychology, or WWII historical writing. This was a great and emotional read. I would give the book a 4/5 the only reason it is not a 5/5 is I realize that not everyone would like the subject matter.

This book has essentially three parts plus one smaller one. The first part is told in Rita's voice. She tells of her childhood in Poland, a country that was largely populated by Jews. Her village was virtually unaffected by the Nazi invasion for the first couple of years. When the S.S. army arrived in approximately 1942, everything changed. As a very young child she and her family stay in an attic for two years. As previously mentioned, Rita witnesses the death of her brother and mother. She is deeply affected by these deaths.

In 1944, when the Russians first conquered Poland, the families emerged from the attic and went from one Displaced Persons camp to another. Isaac, her father, remarries and they immigrate to the U.S. The second section of the book (according to me) is Rita's growing up years. The family lived in New York then moved to Chicago where she eventually met Frank, her husband. They begin their family life in southern California where they add two daughters and a son to the mix. Their children grow and Leslie, the main author comes of age.

Section 3 is Leslie's voice. She describes her mother's behavior and her own reaction to her mother. Both women are stunningly honest. A major theme throughout the book is that Rita never had a childhood and was never nurtured. It seemed that she sought nurturing from inappropriate sources, especially her oldest daughter.

*Psychological commentary: (I mean, really, you expected it, didn't you?) Given that Rita's most traumatic experiences occurred when she was between the ages of 5 and 8, every so often her interactions with others seem childish and disproportionately immature. It makes sense, however, that when Rita was feeling stress in her interpersonal relationships, that she would revert to the child who still longed to be nurtured. The scared, lonely little girl in the attic. Carry on.

It is clear that Rita is a survivor yet she does not have her own identity. She is vicariously living through her children. Leslie discovers the term "enmeshed" in her adulthood. Honestly, there were many times during this part of the book that I couldn't remember which was the parent and which was the child. Leslie finds that her childhood habit of collecting accomplishments carry over into adulthood. She is the overachiever who seems afraid to have any down time.

Meanwhile, Leslie is suffering from generalized anxiety. Sorry about that. I forgot to warn you that I had another psychological commentary. Leslie also takes a trip to Poland where she is background for a cousin's documentary. There she meets the woman who kept the secret of the Jews in her attic, walked through her mother's old house, and became more keenly aware of what her mother experienced. She also discovers that children of the Holocaust survivors tend to be the hyper-achievers. They also tend to carry the grief of their parents on their own shoulders and feel responsible for their parents' happiness.

Leslie eventually marries and has children. It is only when her own daughter suffers from extreme separation anxiety that Leslie sees the connection. Leslie tracks down all of her mother's living relatives who offer new insights regarding her grandmother who died and the uncle preceded her. She also tracks down her mother's stepmother who paints a significantly different picture of their relationship.

This is a stunning undertaking. I found the honesty in which the book is written to be painful and genuine. It is also striking to see the contrast between the perception of a child and the perception of those who were there and remembered things differently. Perception is reality.

The fourth little section is written by Leslie's daughter who is processing the burden she had cast about her shoulders without her knowledge. It is also discovered, at this time, that Leslie is still gathering her accomplishments by being on important committees. When she realizes what she is doing, she gives up her shield and concentrates on being a mother.

Leslie is able to convey facts and feelings without judgment. She shares herself openly for the reader, as does her mother, and she assigns her own meaning when crucial to the experience. Much of the time, however, Leslie is objective and open to interpretation.

An amazing journey.

4 and half stars.
0 comments:

What I Can Tell You: This is a must read! I would have loved reading this book with a friend or book group.

The story of Ruchel/Rita is quite amazing and gut wrenching. As her daughter states in the Prologue, Rita's story is very similar to Anne Frank's. Both spent two years hiding during the Holocust and hid with the help of others who would have been killed had they been found. However, Rita is here to tell about her story and pass on this legacy to her children and the generations after.

Besides it being a captivating book it is thought provoking and made me think of my own legacy and past and what I may be unconsciously handing down to my own children. Because, as Leslie mentions, our mother's past or families past, effects and shapes who we are as people.

Rita is lucky to have survived such an ordeal that changed history and is still affecting individuals.

Leslie, Rita and even Granddaughter Mikaela who has a big voice in this book are very brave to have started the journey of documenting the life and times of Ruchel/Rita. What a gripping story that will sit with me for quite some time.

I implore you to check out the book video here.

If you decide to read this book, know that you will learn a lot about yourself and your own relationship with your mother.

What makes this book even more special is the amount of photos peppered throughout the story. Seeing the smiles and knowing the two years they endured hiding is at times unbearable.

My heart breaks for the little Ruchel who just wanted to be held and told everything was going to be OK. I cannot imagine what it was like to lose her mother the way she did. Losing my own at 12 years old to Cancer was horrific. Losing her mother right after the traumatic death of her baby brother must have been excruciating.

Reading how Leslie's life was altered by her mother's and how ultimately Mikaela's is being affected by the trauma of her families past makes me think about my own life and how my past is affecting my children in positive and negative ways and how it will trickle down into their own adult lives.

Leslie and Rita's love shines through this haunting memoir.

Normally, I don't like to read many non-fiction books. But when I saw that this was a book about a survivor of the Holocaust, I knew I had to read it. I have always been interested in books dealing with that awful time in history.

Bending Toward the Sun is told from two viewpoints. The first viewpoint is Rita, and we go through her life, starting as her world was uprooted and she had to hide in the attic during the Holocaust all the way until she had her first child, Leslie. Then the viewpoint of Rita comes into the book and we read about her life as she grew up and until she had her own child, Mikela. There is also a short passage from Mikela.

I found this story in to be so interesting. I can't imagine having to go through such a hardship and being such a survivor. Rita's story truly is amazing. This was a great, well-told story that shows us just how much a person's history can affect his/her life and the life of her children and the generations to come.

I found this book hard for me to put down, for a couple of reasons. First, I love history, especially told in first person. I also loved the confirmation of how history really ties us all together and effects future generations. This story is unique to this family but also makes a connection to us all.

I received this book from FSB Media in exchange for my review.

I normally try to steer clear of historical recounts, but when I read the summary for Bending Toward the Sun on the FSB Media website, it intrigued me. 'To actually read about what occurred to an actual survivor of a terrible historical event and how it affected her future generations was something I couldn't pass up ... and I'm glad I didn't.

We've all heard of the story of Anne Frank when we were in school. While terrifying, her story has lost its affect on me. This book has restored my awe of the horrific events of the Holocaust. To live through a time where a leader as powerfully evil as Hitler is beyond my imagination. Although anything is possible and something like that COULD happen again ... it's hard to picture it actually taking place.

Reading the accounts of three generations of women who are either directly or inadvertently affected by the Holocaust has been enlightening. Even though Leslie and her daughter, Mikaela, were not alive during the time of the Holocaust, they have been genetically disposed to the fear with which Rita now lives her life. I began to wonder ... "How many generations is it going to take until an offspring is born in their family without a fear of life?"

Yes, bad things happen to good people. Yes, there are evil people who will use others' differences for their own personal selfish gain. While I understand the fear Rita has acquired concerning living, I don't understand how a person could let that fear control them every day. My not understanding undoubtedly lies in the fact that I've not lived through a horrific event parallel to the Holocaust. Or, in the fact that my immediate family has never lived through such an event.

In essence, this book has opened my eyes and given me a deeper look into and a deeper understanding of the Holocaust victims. It has also reaffirmed my belief that we should never judge a person by how they look on the outside. We should treat EVERYONE, no matter the race, color or religion, with respect because we never know what they've been through or what they're currently going through.

I read many books, memoirs in particular, but I have never reviewed one. For Bending Toward the Sun, I make an exception, as I found this book to be deeply moving, profound, and in some small way, life changing.

This mother/daughter memoir begins by chronicling Rita Lurie's (Ruchel's) harrowing journey through her Anne Frank-like hiding during the holocaust -- only this one with a happier ending. Her story is at once horrifying and beautiful as it documents man's potential for inhumanity, and at the same time, the courage and perseverance of the human spirit. I was particularly moved by how someone who bore witness to such random inhumanity at such a young and formative age (including watching her mother die in hiding just months before their liberation) and then went on to suffer more abuse in the confusion and craziness of the post war years, could still managed to pull her life together and find enough courage and love in her heart to build and sustain a successful marriage and loving tight knit family. We live in a world where people constantly attribute bad behavior to unfortunate childhood experiences. Yet here is a woman who leaves a boatload of hatred and insanity behind to build a productive, beautiful life.

In the next section of the book, Gilbert-Lurie explores how her mother's legacy of trauma and suffering was inadvertently passed down to her, and became her own cross to bear. Gilbert-Lurie, the memoir's lead author, took on what seems to be the Herculean task of writing not only about her mother's survival of the Holocaust, but about how, despite her mother's best intentions, a legacy of fear and anxiety was passed down to her children.

Gilbert-Lurie is obviously an extremely functioning and accomplished woman. And yet, she turns herself inside out, to reveal to a world of strangers, the irrational fears and anxieties that have been, from birth, as much a part of her as any other of her god-given traits.

The author also makes the point that inheriting the trauma of the previous generation is not unique to the holocaust. And that our world is filled with individuals who struggle to over come the side-effects of hardships they never lived.

I found the book to be riveting, and emotionally compelling. And above all, I found it to transcend the specificity of one family's story, in it's successful attempt to make a universal point about the human family, and the wounds we each carry, every day, that we've unknowingly borrowed from our loved ones.

A must read.

Thousands of books have been written about the Holocaust. Most memoirs are Holocaust survivors' biographies, some are historians' work and a very few have been written by descendants of Holocaust survivors. Bending Toward the Sun is Rita Lurie's (nee Ruchel Gamss) life story complied by her daughter, Leslie Gilbert-Lurie, who, "wanted to honor her parents and leave a legacy of knowledge about their past. Recent remarks in the news by some Holocaust deniers had made her particularly angry, and eager to clear up misperceptions." Leslie felt the book will, "add meaning to Mom's survival. I was living for three: my grandmother, my mother and me." The story concludes with Leslie's own voice as well as her daughter, Mikaela's.

Most Holocaust survivors had been captives, for several years, in forced labor and concentration camps in Germany and its occupied lands. Others survived as partisans in the forests and some had been sheltered in barns and attics of righteous gentiles. Rita was hidden, with fourteen members of her extended family, in a Polish farmer's attic. For providing shelter, the man expected to be paid in jewelry, furs and other valuables. Nevertheless, that goodhearted Pole had risked his life and his family's life by hiding fifteen Jews, confined in his attic. At the age of six and a half, Rita saw her five year-old brother, Nachum, and her mother, Leah, dying in the attic. When the war ended, Rita exclaimed, "I felt like a piece of baggage that had been warehoused for two years!"

Some of the Holocaust survivors with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder ("PTSD") are carrying a burden most people, including relatives, are unable to comprehend. This leads to misunderstandings, alienations and collisions in social interactions. Confronting unfair attitudes, real or assumed, stir flashbacks to the wartime episodes. As a Holocaust survivor myself, I feel the constant need to have my aching heart healed and my tormented mind redeemed from the horror and anguish I experienced. Starving killed the physical body but starvation for love and attention killed the soul. A profound sadness and an internal turmoil have been raging within me since the end of the war. A person who had been tortured once is tortured for the rest of his/her life.

Although Rita's mind was occupied with her wretched past, she turned away from the cliff to a path of ostensible normalcy. In the absence of manifested love (on the receiving end and on the giving end) for many years, Rita created a new family. Her husband was eager to make her happy and her children showered her with love. When Rita got older she suffered from several bouts of severe depressions. Her children reached out to mitigate their mother's symptoms. PTSD seldom ceases to rage; it hits hard when getting older and frail.

I commend Leslie for being an anchor to lean on for her mother who was drowning in despair. Rita was blessed to be nurtured by a compassionate spouse and concerned offspring, who had been attuned to her tribulations during the Holocaust and its aftermath. Nowadays, many aging Holocaust survivors are not so blissful; they do not get the emotional support so badly needed and deserved. Some children leave their aging parents in the lurch. Leslie's, and her siblings', care for their Holocaust-surviving mother deserves my accolades.

As a Holocaust survivor, I am grateful to Rita and to Leslie for all their efforts to perpetuate the Holocaust legacy. Making Leslie's children aware of their grandmother's life experiences might induce some angst, but it has also exposed them to a fountain of wisdom from which to drink. Leslie's children knew that, "they had descended from a resourceful, strong minded survivor." Leslie had taught her children to treat their grandparents with reverence, a cherished value that prevailed in the "old country." It is rarely manifested today.

Leslie's sharing of her mother's past Holocaust experiences, with life audiences and the reading public, will have a positive impact on many people's lives. Any reader of Bending toward the Sun may derive an important lesson, and perhaps a new life perspective, on how to be more appreciative of the personal freedom we enjoy in this blessed U.S.A. With the compilation of this heart-wrenching but inspiring book, Leslie has performed a public service. It is one of her many remarkable accomplishments.

A miraculous lesson in courage and recovery, Bending Toward the Sun tells the story of a unique family bond forged in the wake of brutal terror. Weaving together the voices of three generations of women, Leslie Gilbert-Lurie and her mother, Rita Lurie, provide powerful-and inspiring-evidence of the resilience of the human spirit, relevant to every culture in every corner of the world. By turns unimaginably devastating and incredibly uplifting, this firsthand account of survival and psychological healing offers a strong, poignant message of hope in our own uncertain times. Rita Lurie was five years old when she was forced to flee her home in Poland to hide from the Nazis. From the summer of 1942 to mid-1944, she and fourteen members of her family shared a nearly silent existence in a cramped, dark attic, subsisting on scraps of raw food. Young Rita watched helplessly as first her younger brother then her mother died before her eyes. Motherless and stateless, Rita and her surviving family spent the next five years wandering throughout Europe, waiting for a country to accept them. The tragedy of the Holocaust was only the beginning of Rita's story. Decades later, Rita, now a mother herself, is the matriarch of a close-knit family in California. Yet in addition to love, Rita unknowingly passes to her children feelings of fear, apprehension, and guilt. Her daughter Leslie, an accomplished lawyer, media executive, and philanthropist, began probing the traumatic events of her mother's childhood to discover how Rita's pain has affected not only Leslie's life and outlook but also her own daughter, Mikaela's. A decade-long collaboration between mother and daughter,Bending Toward the Sun reveals how deeply the Holocaust remains in the hearts and minds of survivors, influencing even the lives of their descendants. It also sheds light on the generational reach of any trauma, beyond the initial victim. Drawing on interviews with the other survivors and with the Polish family who hid five-year-old Rita, this book brings together the stories of three generations of women-mother, daughter, and granddaughter-to understand the legacy that unites, inspires, and haunts them all.

I had a hard time getting into this book at first. The book is divided into three parts, the mother's story, the daughter's story (the author), and then the collaboration to writing this memoir. The first part is in italics and I found that distracting for awhile. But I put the book away for a few days and then started back up again. Much better this time.
The first part details Ruchel's (Rita) family during WWII, hiding in the attic of a friend for two years to avoid discovery by the Nazis. Rita's mother and baby brother do not survive as well as some other family members. After the Russians chase out the Germans, they return to there home but then must leave due to hostility still prevalent towards the Jews. They make their way through eastern Europe and finally to Italy. Rita's father remarries to a woman that does not want two step-daughters and Rita grows up feeling unloved as her family then moves to Brooklyn and finally Chicago. Rita marries and moves to Los Angeles and has a daughter Leslie. And this starts the second part. Between Rita's depression and her striving to be a great mother, she is incredibly overprotective of Leslie and her other children. Leslie was unusually fearful during her childhood and that leads to the third part.
Leslie sees her own daughter, Mikaela, growing up to be as fearful as she was. This leads Leslie to look into the transmission of trauma from parents to children so that she can better understand what Mikaela is going through and help her. This is done by looking into her mother's past and discovering how the events effected Rita, Leslie and Mikaela.
This was an interesting take on a Holocaust memoir, mostly focusing on on not the events themselves, but the results. I really liked the idea, but the writing seemed inexperienced and was not able to hold my attention for long periods of time. But it was an important story to be told.