Customer Reviews

The Best Little Boy in the World (Modern Library)

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(8)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

I found this book to be one of the most insightful and helpful books I have ever read. Although Mr. Tobias (aka John Reid) came out in the 70's, when it was far less safe or politically correct to do so, many of his emotions and internal struggles remain true to young people who are today struggling with their identies. Although at times Mr. Tobias has a tendancy to ramble in his writing, this only adds to the book's charm. It is a must read for gay and straight people alike. For the former it teaches that they are not alone in their sturggles, for the latter it teaches acceptance and understanding. It is truly a modern classic about a subject much too rarely discussed.

I really enjoyed this book when it came out (no pun....).If you're looking for the gay mans Bible, this is not it. It does not necessarily have the dignity of Paul Monette, nor the "perfect love" of "The Front Runner." It is simply one mans quite amusing take on his growing awareness of being gay. I see alot of people are ready to stone Andrew Tobias for what they perceive as his hypocrisy. On the contrary, he was honest enough to admit his, at times, somewhat shallow and cavalier attitude. It's always easier to say what everyone wants to hear, he simply told it as it was. I find I don't have to agree with EVERY thought or viewpoint a person has in order to maybe learn something, or, at the very least, be entertained by them. While Andrew Tobias may have personality flaws (who doesn't ?), I hardly see him as the self-hating, superficial, elitist snob that some are trying to paint him as. He is simply a HUMAN BEING, just like a real person!! There's rainbow flag waving politically active gays, and ones who lead a quieter but no less meaningful life. That is their right to make that choice about what they're comfortable with. I know one thing, I have found gay people, no matter where they lie on that scale, to band together and be supportive of each other when need be. Yes, in the gay world, as in the "normal" world (whatever that is), there is a segment who are very image conscious. So what? Hey, sometimes life ain't fair. If you're going to hate everyone who had a more priviledged upbringing than you, and is "prettier", than the majority of us would be miserable ALL the time. On a scale of one to ten, I'm probably a five, maybe a six on a REALLY good day. The chances of a Ten wanting to go out with me are probably non-existant, IF I was ever to give it a thought, which I don't. I mean, really, who cares? And if memory serves, I remember him describing himself in this book as "cute" at best, with varying good days and bad days. Sorry if I'm getting away from the subject of the book, but I found all the personal attacks on this book unwarranted. You'd think Andrew Tobias was Charles Manson. He's not. He's just a funny and very smart guy, and this book is just ONE mans perspective about the almost always difficult process of coming to terms with being gay, which, at the time he did it, was even more difficult and unacceptable. If you know who you are and what you're about, this one mans funny and touching story should not offend. I will say, in the sequal to this book, "The Best Little Boy In The World Grows Up", which, by the way, he had written without using the pseudonym "John Reid", as in the first book, he had made progress in his awareness of self, and in the quality of his personal life. I mean, he's cute AND gives good financial advice... what's so bad about THAT ??

It is an interesting tale and a common one I am sure. There are portions that resonate with all gay men but the writing itself is at times, cliched and sloppy. None of that would matter, though, if I were not so offended by John Reid's (aka Andrew Tobias') rampant egomania. Even within his constricting closet, he passes judgement on those he deems too gay, not macho enough, not as attractive as he is. It's difficult to sympathize with his struggle. He yearns for freedom and acceptance while blindly condemning the "less blessed" around him. I find it repugnant and after reading about Mr. Tobias' "young stud pool parties" in New York Magazine a few years back, it seems that not much has changed. He's older now but still fit and tan and, oh yeah, very rich. God Bless America. The sequel is called "The Best Little Boy In The World Grows Up". I have not read it but I am doubtful. For me, this book in some way celebrates the elitism that is so overwhelming in the gay community. That is what is truly hurtful and awful about the subculture and what it's teaching young gay men.

When I first read this book, the author was listed as John Reid. Originally written in 1973, it is understandable that, at that time, anyone who wanted to have a `real career' couldn't risk exposure to the general public as being gay, even when trying to make the point that being gay is not the deplorable plight it is sometimes (even today) commonly held to be.

The book has since been revised, both with a supplemental volume entitled 'The Best Little Boy in the World Grows Up', as well as being reissued in its original form (with minor modifications), as being authored by Andrew Tobias. Twenty-five years had passed, and Tobias had a career that was secure enough, and society had changed enough, that he felt he could lend his true name to the cover of the text.

This book is a coming out tale. Slowly but surely, while taking great pains to conceal the truth, Tobias lived the model life. Raised in an upper-middle class family that met all the criteria for statistical happiness, Tobias was himself an all-American, boy-next-door type who was good at school, good at sports, respectful of elders, always fulfilling expectations. What better closet in which to hide save that of being successfully normal, and a normal success?

Tobias confides his agonising attempts to masquerade as `normal' - his time at Yale, with roommates who expected him to be as interested in girlfriends as they and any other `normal' 20 year old male should be. Sometimes humourous but somewhat painful to read, his unrequited love for one of his roommates while having to pretend at carrying on relationships with women, made for strange bedfellows indeed (if you'll forgive the pun).

As he grew older, he grew bolder, perhaps out of desperation, perhaps out of frustration. Perhaps it was just being tired of being alone in the universe, which is often how he felt - alone with his feeling, unable to share anything truthful.

Finally, Tobias began revealing himself to ever-wider circles of friends, and generally fell `into a bad crowd', considering the Best Little Boy in the World (for which he uses the acronym BLBITW in mocking self-reference) had never even smoked a cigarette. Drugs, alcohol, all fueled by a high-paying job that helped him keep his cover.

Tobias was in the process of running from society and running from himself, i.e., the image he had constructed for himself of who he thought he should be, based on societal norms. He hurt a lot of people along the way, which is unfortunate, but perhaps no more in reality than any of us do in our various ways without being aware of the consequences of our actions?

Tobias was better known (until his revelation of authorship of this volume) as an author of financial self-help books, investment and insurance texts, and other such professional writings. Thankfully he is able to be honest enough (not the least of which, with himself) that he can claim authorship of 'The Best Little Boy in the World' -- in a world where conformity is encouraged by adults and enforced by peers, this book stands as a revelation of the turmoil that one may go through for a `difference', even when all outward appearances speak to the contrary.

I read this book about 10 years ago while struggling with my own sexual identity and found it helpful to see others going through the same thing. I re-read it recently and found how much more I could relate to it now, then I could then. Some of the story is a bit dated now, showing gay life and the closet in the late 60's and early 70's when society had a different view of homosexuality and it's openness. Also, I found the author to be a bit more self-critical than I would like - maybe it's the liberal use of the pejorative "faggot" which today can be used within the gay community much like the "n-word" in the black community, but at the time of writing was still the major insult and put down.

That said, much of his struggles, both internal and external, are still very relevant. It gives a good view into the head of someone who has to go through realization, and acceptance of who they are, and their role in relation to those they love. It's a very real and truthful account, not full of reminiscent rosiness, but of reality. While the author never suffered major setbacks due to his seuxal identity, he always planned for the worst, and that is good to see and lends relevance to today, where despite best wishes, setbacks and more do happen as we all come out.

The book is even more interesting when followd up by the sequel "The Best Little Boy In The World Grows Up" where in the first chapters, Tobias returns to his book 15 years later, removes a lot of the veils of secrecy (he described Harvard, not Yale as in the book, etc.) and where he has gone in the years since. The pair of books make a very good 'Then and Now' pair.

The Best Little Boy In The World stands as proof that not every personal experience should be shared with the rest of the world. Written shortly after the author came out during the mid and late 1970's, this short volume purportedly chronicles John Reid's acceptance of his sexuality and his initial efforts to find a place for himself in the gay world. At the conclusion of the book, I could not help but be struck by how little progress he had actually made in either regard. What is abundantly apparent, however, is Mr. Reid's need for self-aggrandizement at the expense of his fellow gay and lesbians and to separate himself from those same persons. Throughout his book Mr. Reid openly distains gays who are either "too nelly" or "too butch." Perhaps Mr. Reid fears that these characteristics might appear in his own behavior and thereby threaten the security of his career as an up-and-coming executive with IBM. By any account I could not help but believe that Mr. Reid would not hesitate to deny the truth of his sexuality should that fact ever pose a threat to his material and professional success. Further evidence of the author's failure to come to grips with his sexual orientation is to be found in his occasional theorizing as to the origins of homosexuality in some men. For instance, he posits that proportionally the gay population is not as physically attractive as the heterosexual population and that gay men therefore became gay out of their awareness of and sense of inferiority resulting from their inadequacies in this regard. Elsewhere Mr. Reid treats the reader to a similar musing that a person's being assigned an odd name such as Oscar in combination with his being small in stature contributed to that person's becoming gay. Of course, Mr. Reid would never include himself in that unfortunate circle. He makes sure to regularly make the reader aware of his both above average physical beauty and the fact that he has nothing in common with the stereotypical limp-wristed f**! got whom he deems worthy of pity but will never associate with. Mr. Reid offers no explanation for his homosexuality which he at times refers to as his martyrdom leading me to conclude that he has not accepted himself, but rather views his sexual orientation as a curse which he at first denies and then endures. He accomplishes the latter by jumping from sexual conquest to sexual conquest, accumulating and then dispensing of his partners as the mood strikes him without regard to the effects of his actions upon the others involved. However, after doing so, Mr. Reid immaturely refuses to be responsible for his actions and whines about his fears that those whom he has used will no longer want to be his "best friend." While I am aware that such behavior and attitudes are a fact of life in both the gay and straight worlds, there is little if any need to share them with the general reading public. I came out at roughly the same time as Mr. Reid and my experiences were far different. Becoming a a part of the larger gay and lesbian community has proved for me to be a source of infinite joy, friendship and acceptance. It is indeed unfortunate that other persons, especially younger gay men, will read Mr. Reid's book and believe it to be an accurate account of the coming out process to be followed as a model for their own lives. Hopefully, those person's will not be taken in by Mr. Reid's misinformed views and find alternate role models. I also note that Mr. Reid is soon to publish a second volume of memoirs entiled The Best Little Boy In The World Grows. Despite the clear shortcomings of his initial effort, I have already ordered that volume in the hope that during the twenty years following the publication of The Best Little Boy In the World, Mr. Reid has perhaps used the time to seriously reflect upon his life and come to terms with his sexuality.

I could have written this book but I didn't. It's taken me nearly 60 years to do what Andrew Tobias did in his 20s. How many "best little boys" are out there somewhere? The personal telling of his story - with delving soul-searching analysis and a great geal of humor - makes this a necessity for anyone who has lived a secret life and learned the accepted norms of society in the days when there were no real choices.

This is less a chronicle of growing up gay than it is a chronicle of growing up a narcissist. There's really very little empathy here for the experience of others who've grown up gay and little reason to care about the author's experience.

The culture toward gays was still dangerously threatening during the author's developmental years in the 50s and early 60's, and he went to amazing lengths to conceal the fact that he was gay.
In the first part of the book he writes well, describing his years of shame, isolation and naiveté with humor and feeling, making this a very enjoyable read:
"How long could I go without dating, or marrying, before people thought I was queer. I had vague notions of two years in the Peace Corps: a series of letters home talking about this girl I had met in Nairobi; a picture or two sent; a sudden marriage which, for fear of them not approving of my marrying a Kenyan, we decided to hold in the jungle without family and friends (read: witnesses); a year of letters about how happy we were...and then tragedy, She would be bitten by a snake or smitten with leukemia- whatever seemed most plausible, I would be so grief stricken I would not be able to remarry, or even date, for years. Maybe ever. The perfect alibi."
Reid is not always politically correct, and seems rather emotionally blunted and immature (understandable if you have always surpressed every honest feeling I would imagine), however the book rings true to me, and that's one of the things I look for in a memoir.
The majority of the last half of the book, coming out of the closet at age 22, is basically spent describing one brief sexual encounter after another. He admits he isn't able to feel love or empathize fully (but thinks he is making progress here), and the flatness and monotony of these relationships actually make for pretty dry lifeless reading.

The Best Little Boy in the World (TBLBITW) was the first memoir of a LGBT individual I read and it was well worth the read. Andrew Tobias tells his story in a witty, sarcastic and humorous tone that makes the book one you can't put down. LGBT individuals are sure to relate to at least some aspects of Tobias's life. Non-LGBT individuals will be able to learn a bit about the struggles and costs of living a closeted life and the experience of coming out to friends and family. The best part is this book rarely takes on a serious tone which would be disruptive to its flow and make it less accessible to some readers. I highly recommend readers read TBLBITW and then the sequel, TBLBITW Grows Up, where Tobias discusses his life since publishing the TBLBITW and discusses some areas in the original that were altered to conceal his identity (he originally published TBLBITW under a pen name).