Customer Reviews

Best Sex Writing 2009

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This book is a wonderful surprise. I volunteered to do a review, and was unprepared for what I got. This is not a book of sexy stories (although after reading this I will confess that I now am rather interested in Ms. Kramer Bussel's other work). Rather, it is a collection of writing about sex from the social standpoint. It's not quite social science, and it's definitely not erotica. This is one of the things that I am very taken with: the book bridges a large gap, in my mind, between the often dry, remote world of academe and that of the often over-stated world of sexuality.

The contents speak volumes (hah!). There are pieces on virginity, chastity and military regulations of sex toys. There are deeply heartfelt pieces on love and abuse, where the pain and intensity of the author emerge in well crafted writing. A piece on sex offenders is written by one of the victims, who avoids falling prey to hysterical reactions despite her own difficult past. There is a piece by a man who remained a chaste virgin, even to himself, until he was out of college. There is a remarkable spectrum of pieces that speak not just to sex, but something a lot deeper, a lot more difficult. In the end, what I took away from this little volume was about relationships.

Relationships are perhaps the most complex layer of human experience. What we as individuals bring to a relationship is a lived experience; we never really get much from school or home on the actual mechanics - it's something we have to see, feel, experience along the way. Much of that, clearly, is difficult.

Any attempt to bridge the aforementioned divide between popular and scholarly runs a considerable risk. Critics on the scholarly side will quickly note the dearth of references, and few citations. That's true here, but there are a number of references, good ones, and despite the sprinkling of citations, the articles are written, and the book is set up, to make it relatively simple to dig deeper. In one of the articles, for example, there is a fascinating quote by Virginia Woolf - "I will wait until men have become so civilized that they are not shocked when a woman speaks the truth about her body." - and a quick search online led me to several good sources. The curious need only dip a toe into the water. At the same time, critics on the popular side will likely decry the meticulously crafted article on the impending changes to the DSM, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or the exceptional dissection of the United States Army's General Order 1a as it pertains to the real and gritty lives of the troops in the war zone. How, they might ask, can we expect a reading audience seeking to be entertained to cozy up to this kind of dry technical detail?

The answer to both sides is that sex, and relationships, just aren't always easy or pretty or even sexy. Sex can be difficult, painful - both emotionally and physically. It can leave lasting traces, damage that takes years to repair. Relationships are not the 1950s black and white images that an awful lot of that same "entertain me" audience seems to think they must be. Nor are they the sterile compartments of a General Social Survey. Differences can tear partners apart, and leave families gasping for breath. Yes, Virginia, there are good ones, even hot ones, and that's touched on here too.

What makes this little book so special is this spectrum, a presentation of perspectives that ranges across a large area of sex and love and passion and humor and fear and relationships. After reading it, I was left with a hope that it is a good beginning to really opening doors between two vastly different layers of our social milieu, and that in the end, the readers who choose this one will come away wanting more of both: more detail about the difficult parts, and more thrill about the soft and delicious parts. Ms. Kramer Bussel is to be commended on this count. It's not an easy task. I plan to look for the 2010 edition soon.

When I first got this book, I naturally assumed it was another erotica book as most of the books edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel are. I quickly realized that the stories were not erotica, but all on the topic of sex.

This sometimes funny ("Hi, Mr. Clingy Prostitute!") and always smart collection of stories talk about sex in terms of fantasies, cybersex, politics, post traumatic stress disorder and even the evangelical approach in "Soulgasm" by Dagmar Herzog. This story looks at sexual points of view for devout Christians. It approaches what may or may not be considered normal and acceptable in a loving Christian marriage. It even offered a prayer for those faithful, yet horny Christian wives:

"Lord, keep me growing as a godly and sensuous woman. Keep me from worrying about what is normal and let me dwell on what is a successful sexual encounter for me and my husband."

I found this a little funny, but still encouraging to know that not only the 'sinners' are calling out to Him during sex!

This collection the kind of sex writing that all erotica writers aspire to write, in my opinion. To reach an audience, inform and inspire through the truth on taboo topics in a way that engages the brain and allows us to grow into braver and educated society. Bravo! for a great collection and another great read.

One might assume that Best Sex Writing 2009 is solely a collection of erotica, or at least a book that contains some hot and heavy material. One might also be incredibly wrong.

This is the second edition of the book that I've been fortunate enough to read (also read last year's 2008 collection), and both have wowed me. This year's Best Sex Writing 2009 is full of interesting articles on a plethora of subjects, ranging from dildos as contraband in Iraq to different takes on abstinence-only education/programs/teens who wait until marriage, and so much more.

To me, the first piece, by Tracy Egan, was entrancing. As a feminist, she talks about trying to hire someone to fantasy rape her, and her surprise at all of the issues that came with this, although they weren't the issues that you'd expect. I really enjoyed this piece, far more than I expected to, and it really set the tone for the rest of the book.

I liked that this spanned so many different sub-areas within the incredibly broad field of sexuality. As someone with a degree in human sexuality, I have been frustrated that people tend to lump "sex writing" into either erotica, or research/papers/dissertations. This book is a collection of some of the best written, most interesting, incredibly deep essays, interviews and articles written on the spectrum of sexuality.

I found this book incredibly enjoyable, well-edited and collected, and immensely hard to put down. I'm sure it will be making the round among my friends and peers alike, and I plan to use it to reference for future sex writing of my own. I applaud Rachel Kramer Bussel on this work of hers.

I wasn't really sure what to expect from BSW09. I read a lot of smut and erotica, and while I knew this anthology would be non-fiction writing about sex, I think I expected more writing about the actual act of having sex, like pieces about BDSM theory or acceptance of radical acts. Instead, I was a little bit unengaged, flipping through the relatively short (and very readable) essays to find something exciting.

Maybe I was expecting to be more titilated? You'd think after an opening piece like "One Rape, Please (to Go)" by Tracie Egan, that the exploration of taboo sexual fantasies would be exciting, but it ends up reading as not so substantial. I would've liked to see a more significant analysis of consent in sex play.

If I picked it up again expecting it to read like a magazine, I might enjoy it quite a bit more - it's very readable, and accessible, to mainstream folks who probably don't read much about sex and are unfamiliar with sex writing.

I just read my copy of Best Sex Writing 2009, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel, and from the moment I picked it up, I couldn't put it down. Just like last year's edition (also edited by Bussel and equally fabulous), each article delves into an area of sex writing that most of us don't pay enough attention to.

"Dangerous Dildos," about the military's uncalled-for searches and seizures was eye-opening to say the least, and it really makes you wonder what freedoms we're protecting if we can't allow our own citizens the freedom of keeping their sexuality private.

"Sex is the Most Stressful Thing in the World" is a hilarious look at how much we all overthink sex in our own lives, and if you don't laugh out loud reading about the author's foibles, you're really missing out.

Brian Alexander's piece is also quite enlightening when it comes to what the average Jane or Joe is doing (side note, if you like Best Sex Writing, you should read Alexander's book, "America Unzipped").

I've passed around my copy of the 2008 edition to everyone I know who's remotely interested in sex as an intellectual topic, and 2009's edition will be much the same. Bussel did a fine job pulling together all the best author's and articles for the latest compendium of carnal knowledge, and it's a must-read for anyone of age and with a pulse.

Best Sex Writing is for the most part a pretty good read, exploring many of the much needed discussions about sexual issues, ranging from "teen sexting", the trend of bareback sex in the gay community, to BDSM and race. Many of the topics are not of the kind most people talk about even at a Friday night party. These essays are for readers who feel we live in a sexually repressed, conservative culture that ironically shuns sex before marriage, gays and lesbians getting married, and sex curricula that even hints that sex can be pleasurable. Yet at the same time, we live in a country that has financed a multi-billion porn and sex industry, while many of the country's religious and political leaders who preach and campaign against forms of sexual behavior are exposed time and time again for the same type behavior they criticize.

I wouldn't say these essays by what the editor calls "sexual outlaws" are fiercely eye opening, but they do serve to remind us that our own "abnormal" desires, fetishes, and behaviors are not as sinister and outlandish as conservative forces in this country would like us to think. The problem is not "abnormal" sex, the problem is that we still haven't found a way to have open discussions about sex, and that there are still too many people trying to make all the rules regarding sex for everyone else.

Some of the essays are great, including "The Girl Who Only Sometimes Said No," "Sex Laws That Can Really Screw You," "BDSM and Playing with Race," "The Anatomy of an Affair," and "The Future of Sex Ed." There's no running theme throughout these pieces, but they all do say that we should think outside of the box about sex and sexuality and stop pretending there's some real "sexual norms" out there that everyone needs subscribe to.

"Best Sex Writing 2008" was one of my favorite human sexuality/popular culture books of last year, so I had very high hopes for "Best Sex Writing 2009." And, I was not disappointed. I admit, as I did last year, that the cover doesn't accurately reflect what happens between the covers, but it is a beautiful image by the talented Christine Kessler, so I'll not complain too much.

The book is not a collection of sex stories, per se. It's a compendium of essays and nonfiction pieces that discuss every angle of human sexuality from Mary Roach's amazing, "The Immaculate Orgasm: Who Needs Genitals?" which discusses disability and orgasm, spinal cord injuries and where orgasms occur (and are felt), to Kelly Davis' "Sex Offenders!!" Davis' writing addresses, logically and factually --- without its usual attendant hysteria, sex offenders and the U.S.'s perception and treatment of them.

There's some humor in the book too, as in Stacey D'Erasmo's "Silver-Balling" and Tracie Egan's "One Rape, Please (to go)." I'm lucky enough to have heard the authors read their pieces at Rachel Kramer Bussel's In the Flesh erotic reading series in NYC. Rachel tapped MSNBC's Brian Alexander for the forward and an article that examines "What's `Normal' Sex?" In fact, every writer and article selected for this book is a winner. I'm hopeful that next year "Best Sex Writing" gets the attention it deserves (and maybe a hard cover!). It's a serious look a sexuality in today's culture without being dry or overly intellectual.

This book is not made to sit with one's collection of erotica or pornography, it's meant to be read and reread, discussed and debated. I'd lend it out to friends to facilitate this but I'm not letting it out of my sight. Get your own copy!

A Review

When Rachel asked if I wanted to read Best Sex Writing 2009 I was excited. I envisioned something like her last book I reviewed called "Spanked". Which I loved despite not being into "spank".

What I didn't expect was "Best Sex Writing 2009" a book about sex writing and sex. Really an educational piece. An unexpected read that I can't put down.

"Searching for Normal" gave me insight into being STI positive. A perspective I had never looked from. I gained appreciation; it broke down boundaries and stereotypes I hadn't realized I had.

Along came "Father Knows Best" and I thought of my own daughter. She chose on her own to not be involved romantically until she has time to be distracted. Though "Father Knows Best" takes a different turn from my daughters choice it was good to know she isn't alone. The choice she has made for her reasons has been made by others for their reasons.

"An Open Letter to the Bush Administration" had me rolling almost in tears. It was truthful, insightful and also just plain wonderful to read. I so want to say more but really you just have to read it for full impact!

Kristina Lloyd bares her vulnerability as an author in "The Pleasure of Unpleasure". This was very helpful as I perused pictures from AEE many of which far exceeded my sense of boundaries yet were well within someone else's. I was able to enjoy that they had enjoyed "The Pleasure of Unpleasure" and revel in it's power.

And the stories go on. Each one broadening a boundary, bringing real to "reality" and challenging my knowledge base.

Silver balling into tomorrow . . .

In Best Sex Writing 2009, editor Rachel Kramer Bussel gives an amazing broad spectrum of Sex Writing from 2009. We aren't talking about Erotica, these are stories, etc about different aspects of and related to SEX. The best part about this anthology, is it touches on such a broad spectrum of American view on sex.

If you want to get a fell of what other Americans are thinking, talking about, feeling about sex. This is a great place to start. Rachel has selected an amazing array of writers, reporters, bloggers, scholars, and more.

I highly recommend this book.

Best Sex Writing 2009 is an anthology of articles about sex; while a few articles refer to sexual encounters they are not erotic. These articles will not physically arouse you but they will engage your intellect and present a panoramic portrait of sex in America in the middle years of the first decade of the 21st century.

Best SexWriting 2009 opens with "One Rape, Please (to Go)" by Tracy Egan. Ms Egan explains that in order for her to reach orgasm her lovers must follow specific instructions or it won't happen. This puts her in control of her coupling and for that reason her most frequent masturbatory fantasy is being raped. She decides to hire a male prostitute thinking that way she could safely act out this fantasy. She hires a young man for this purpose through an escort service and finds his performance disappointing. My first thought was that she might have had better results by joining a BDSM club and hooking up with a Dom, but then again she only wanted to try this once, and with an employee of an escort service there is some accountability. My next thought was that if she stayed with any one partner long enough to develop a rapport she would not have to repeat her instructions every time.

The next article, "Searching for Normal" asks "Do Dating Websites for People with STIs Liberate or Quarantine?" The answer is that people who have recently been diagnosed with an STI will likely find a community, a sense of belonging and acceptance at such websites, while those who have lived with the diagnosis for a number of years do not consider it their most important attribute and are more likely to frequent dating websites for the general population. "Father Knows Best" describes another subculture, evangelical teenage girls who have sworn chastity oaths and the ceremonies known as Father Daughter Purity Balls (a cross between a prom and a wedding reception) at which their fathers pledge to guard and guide them until they wed at which time paternal authority will be transfered to their husbands. It is a fascinating portrait of a patriarchal, conformist and risk averse lifestyle. There are some young people, however, who do not need purity pledges to remain abstinent. In "Sex Is The Most Stressful Thing in the Universe" Dan Vebber tells the story of his adolescent and young adult years as a low libido male, one of the very few teenage boys who never masturbated and never desired sex with a partner. Maybe that explains the puerile sense of humor that is the keystone of his successful career as a comedy writer. He appears to have been a late bloomer who would eventually experience intercourse before masturbating for the first time at age 24. He is currently a happily married father.

Tracy Clark-Flory's "In Defense of Casual Sex" is a reply to the culture of abstinence of which Purity Balls are but one manifestation. She points out that young sexually active singles of both genders are vetting one another: "Hopefully, by taking several test-drives before buying we'll be happier with our final investment." She learned something from every man she has slept with: what turns her on sexually and "More importantly, by spending time in uncommitted relationships, what I wanted in a committed relationship became clearer--and it wasn't amorous antagonism but a partnership that didn't trigger self-protectiveness." She sees sexually active single women as applying feminist ideals of equality to sex. She points out that "the idea that a woman has to test a man by withholding sex--as many abstinence advocates actually argue--relies on a paradigm of inequality in which women are forced to rely on such power plays. It isn't that feminism has taught women to have sex like men, as the argument goes, but that withholding sex isn't women's sole superpower; coitus isn't women's kryptonite."

Daphne Merkin's "Penises I Have Known" has the most eloquent prose in the collection. She begins with a survey of fictional penises in French, English, Irish, and American literature and moves on to anecdotal conversations among female acquaintances. She observes that while the male gaze confirms the femininity of the heterosexual woman, female appraisals of male genitalia tend to emasculate the man being sized up. But what lingers longer than any physical measurement are her feelings of attachment to and nostalgia for the penises of her partners which leave her longing for "the feeling of being filled" and "a certain kind of need being met by a a certain kind of virile understanding." In "Silver-Balling" Stacey D'Erasmo discusses the allure of adolescent slang even when its meaning is obscure.

In "Sex Dolls for the Twenty-First Century" David Levy speculates whether lifelike sex doll rentals will render real live human prostitutes redundant. Susannah Breslin , who explores former New York governor Eliot Spitzer's assignations with prostitutes in "Dear John," concludes that risk taking and the danger of getting caught were his turn-ons and his downfall. That is also the motivation of openly gay men who seek sexual encounters in public lavatories, according to James Hannaham in "Why Bathroom Sex is Hot." On the other hand it is the anonymity and fleeting nature of such encounters that draw closeted men like Senator Larry Craig to seek sex in public bathrooms. Had Governor Spitzer consulted the kind of on-line consumer reports of prostitution described by Keegan Hamilton in "Oldest Profession 2.0: A New Generation of 'Providers' and 'Hobbyists' Create a Virtual Red-Light District" he might have learned how not to get caught. Such web-sites allow customers to review their experiences with and critique the performance of specific prostitutes, afford prostitutes the opportunity to warn each other about problem johns, and alert both clients and professionals of police activity.

Dagmar Herzog's "Soulgasm" explores the evangelical sex advice industry. There is some disagreement among evangelical sex experts as to what sex acts are permitted in a Christian marriage, but the consensus seems to be that anything a couple chose to do with each other that does not involve other partners is OK. Evangelical sex experts encourage Christian wives to have sex more often, even when they're not in the mood, for the sake of their husband's sexual purity. These experts insist that men must ejaculate at least once every 72 hours, and if a husband doesn't do so with his wife Satan will lead him to someone else or tempt him to take matters in his own hands and commit adultery in his heart. The more I read about evangelical mores the more I am convinced that the concept of "sexual purity," like that of racial purity, is evil and pernicious. In "Unleash The Beast" an author who writes under the pseudonym "Josephine Thomas" describes how an extramarital affair was good for her self-esteem and actually improved her and her husband's marital sex. To the question "Is Cybersex Cheating?" Violet Blue answers that it depends on each couple's Terms of Service. She suggests that couples cyber together as a team with strangers in distant locations whom they will never meet in real life.

In "An Open Letter to The Bush Administration" professional dominatrix Mistress Morgana Maye complains that the Bush administration's conduct in Iraq (such as the abuse of prisoners at Abu Ghraib) has given torture and humiliation a bad name which has adversely affected her business. She combines deadpan straight forward prose with an undertone of irony that hits just the right note. In "The Pleasure of Unpleasure" erotic fiction writer Kristina Lloyd explains why she finds pain, submission, and humiliation freeing. In the words of her fictional character Kate, "I'm coming to realize that I want this not because I'm worthless and I must suffer. It's because I'm human and life's tough. Letting go is so powerful. Surrender transforms me. I adore oblivion." Lloyd admits that Kate is "conflicted about her sexuality. I think this is true of a lot of people whose kinks are on the dark side, and I think this is okay...for plenty of people, suffering and degradation is intensely erotic. It's the pleasure of unpleasure, of being split between yes and no." Although she intends to accomplish the opposite, Lloyd's article may confirm the commonly held suspicion that people who are into BDSM are somehow emotionally damaged. Brian Alexander reports on The American Psychiatric Association's attempts to confirm or refute that suspicion in "What's Normal Sex?" He reminds us that oral sex and masturbation also were once considered deviant.

In "Sex Offenders!!" Kelly Davis corrects the misconceptions underlying the policy of residential restriction--namely that most sex offenders are actually less likely to reoffend than the general prison population, and that the disorders that lead to sex crimes are in fact treatable. Residential restriction and compulsory wearing of GPS devices are very expensive, don't work, and divert funding for what does work, Davis asserts, namely educating children to identify, avoid, and report inappropriate adult behavior and providing therapy to offenders.

In Iraq in an attempt not to offend local sensibilities our government has banned the possession of sexually explicit printed materials, DVDs and sex toys by men and women serving in the military and as civilian contractors according to Tom Johansmeyer's "War Games: No WMDs but Military Police Find 'Dangerous' Dildos in Iraq." It turns out that plain plastic vibrators are acceptable, but dildos that resemble male genitals are not. MPs are supposed to provide several hours advance notice before a raid and each service member or contractor is supposed to witness the search of his or her belongings. A raid that failed to comply with those guidelines turned up pornography in men's barracks and dildos in women's barracks. The pornography and adult products industry, which has been very supportive of the troops, is especially upset that Americans serving in dangerous conditions cannot use their products to relieve stress.

Sadly many returning vets will have difficulty resuming normal sex lives. Don Vaughan describes how and why in "Sexual Problems: A Common Side Effect of Combat-Related PTSD." Other returning vets may have to overcome physical injuries that impair their sexual functioning. In "Immaculate Orgasm: Who Needs Genitals?" Mary Roach reveals that 40-50% of patients with injured spinal cords are able to reach orgasm despite their injuries. The spinal cord controls the voluntary nervous system but not the autonomic nervous system, and it turns out that orgasm is controlled by the latter. Moreover orgasm in unimpaired people results from a two way stream of stimuli: mental stimuli that travel from the brain to the genitals and physical stimuli that move in the opposite direction. People with spinal cord injuries may be able to reach orgasm with one directional stimulation. You don't have to be a science nerd to enjoy this fascinating article. I'm a humanities nerd, and this article makes me want to read the book from which it is excerpted.

Likewise, you don't have to be a lawyer to understand and enjoy the Johansmeyer chapter, which reads like a law journal article, and Alan Levy's "How Swingers Might Save Hollywood From A Federal Pornography Statute," which was first published in Yale Law Journal. Kudos to this anthology's editor, Rachel Kramer Bussel, who is an NYU Law School alumna, for including them. The federal statute of the latter article's title was found unconstitutional when challenged by a swinger's publication because it abrogated the first amendment right to free speech and the right of the couples depicted in the publication to anonymity. The statute's defeat will allow Hollywood to continue to make serious films with sexual content and also protects the porn producers of the San Fernando Valley. For an historical perspective on attempts to repress erotic free speech Debbie Nathan chronicles 19th century censor Anthony Comstock's crusade to prosecute publishers and distributors of erotic material in "Kids and Comstockery, Back (and Forward) in the Day."

I strongly recommend Best Sex Writing 2009 to intellectually curious readers wishing to explore the landscape of contemporary American sexuality.