Customer Reviews

Better Boundaries: Owning and Treasuring Your Life

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I'm glad some people found this book helpful. I didn't myself. I would describe it as an encyclopedia of all the self-help concepts ever published, and most do not apply directly to interpersonal boundaries. "Treasure Yourself" should have been the full title of this book, their point being that if you would just like yourself more darn it, indirectly you'll form better boundaries. I suppose that's possible, but I would need 40 lifetimes to implement all the concepts reviewed in this chronicle of self-help. I still flip through the book for fun sometimes, amazed at the huge quantity of information they summarize that does not specifically address interpersonal boundaries.

Here are my suggestions. I found "Privacy and Its Invasion" by Deckle McLean to be pure gold. The author describes the types of boundaries we need, giving historical perspectives and practical reasoning on how interpersonal boundaries lead to a sense of wholeness and personal identity. It's a scholarly book, not self-help, but an easy read, short, well-referenced. I tracked it down at a local university library (he he). The other book I liked was "How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty" by Patti Breitman and Connie Hatch. It's loaded with practical advice for many, many situations. The authors of these two books stand and deliver, without talking down to you.

The whole concept and idea of boundaries tends to be overused and clichéd these days. Because of this, we may have lost sight of a fundamental development area for us to become fully human.

This book was a wonderful gift from a friend. In my work, I am always referring to the need for clear boundaries in personal and professional situations. I tend to think that I have pretty good boundaries and in general I do. This book helped lay out specific criteria and circumstances for me to reconsider.

It would be too easy to describe or label this particular book as another of the Self Help ilk. It is not a workbook and I wouldn't describe it as one full of exercises. However, it does have some areas with specific strategies, recommendations and processes to help you identify the important ingredients required in order for an individual to clarify and maintain the proper boundaries in all aspects of their lives.

It is not technical in the sense of theoretical but it is thorough. Anyone who wants to look into this important area can apply this material directly and immediately in his or her own life. It is also full of concrete examples in real live situations.

If you feel that you have issues around setting and clarifying boundaries, this book will be of tremendous assistance. If boundaries are not a concern for you, I would encourage you to consider reviewing the material. It goes beyond the surface to the core purpose and intent of your life. For this reason, it is a great book for counselors, coaches and all self-seekers.

This book has many good points in it, but it really doesn't seem to be about boundaries. This book seems to say "If you love yourself, then your boundaries will automatically form" and then focuses on how to value yourself. I have no doubt that learning to like and respect oneself will help one to form better boundaries. Alas, I bought this book hoping to learn more about boundaries so I could use them as a new tool to help make "space" to like myself better! Oops!

At many points, I also felt that the book did a little more "telling" than "showing", which made it seem a little shallow to me. As another reviewer said, this does offer a good summary of many tips and techniques for how to learn to like and respect oneself, and so it is probably an excellent book to use to get an overview of that topic so you could figure out what to go read in more detail.

Having read about 50 self-help books, over twenty years, I have found that most books in the self-help genre could easily have been published as booklets rather than full-length paperbacks. Authors, editors, and publishers routinely stuff such books with redundant explanations and case studies. As important as such concepts and techniques may be to a book, there comes a point where their use is overdone. This fluff-to-stuff writing is common in the self-help genre. A 40-page booklet doesn't come anywhere near the profits that a 250-page paperback generates. This results in the reader having to read through superfluous reams of information in order to extract a few gems pertinent to the book's subject.

However, the good news is that occasionally a excellently written book with just the right balance of techniques and concepts is published. Better Boundaries is at the very top in its line, not only covering the establishment of healthy boundaries in one's life, but as a self-help book in general.

I wish other authors and publishers would follow the same style found in Better Boundaries (Black & Enns). It is easy to read, the ideas and concepts are clearly explained, a few examples are given (never overdone), and specific techniques are abudantly provided. I found myself looking forward to reading this book at every moment available over two and half days. (Unlike torturously treading through other self-help books to get a single nugget when it was all over.)

I will re-read this book, recommend it highly to others, and purchase additional copies for friends. At the cost of appearing mercenary, my only regret is that I wish I had read this book twenty years ago; I would have saved myself the great sum of money that I have spent on other self-help books.

This book isn't another one about how to say "no" to others. It's about how to say "yes" to yourself. "Yes", I love me just as I am today. "Yes", I deserve to have good in my life. "Yes",I can change my self-image and my life...for better AND for good! If you've only got one life to live...This is the book for you!

After reading this I realized I have never had any boundaries. Grew up as a people pleaser, a good little girl, at the expense of my own happiness and peace of mind. Guess it is never too late though, and will now try to be more comfortable with my own feelings and needs and stop worrying about the "shoulds" in my mind. This book was very encouraging.

I was having a hard time with learning about my boundaries. This book has guided me in the right direction. I would recommended it for people who are learning about boundaries and keeping them.

This is a brilliant book on boundaries and self-esteem, especially for all those folks who are inclined to be big-picture thinkers and who need a different angle and a different narrative on themselves in order to succeed with changes. That said, the exercises are also excellent and evolve in what I feel is a very organic way of supporting personal growth.

Something I found to be of great value are various "think-arounds" and mental crutches for a time when one's self-esteem isn't at a level where ideally it would be, yet better boundaries are needed so that the self-esteem can grow. One example is the "stand-in treasure" - what would you advise a truly treasured friend or loved one to do if they faced your dilemma? (And yes, this may be an old hat for other people, but for myself, I can only say I never considered this.)

I also love the authors' concept of the Treasured Life.

The only thing the book falls slightly short on is the how-to on speaking up, something many folks with weak boundaries find very challenging. (In many of the examples, it simply says: "Speak up" - but what do you do if speaking up entails a conversation beyond a simple statement?) For that reason, I would recommend using the book in conjunction with Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition and Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior and you will soon be on your way to unknown levels of personal integrity and emotional safety.

Like any self-help book, this is something you must work with, in order to benefit by it. So far, I've been able to set better boundaries in my life,and let go of old negative beliefs, thus enabling me to have a more treasured sense of myself. Recommended for those who want to change their life.

I found Better Boundaries Owning and Treasuring Your Life by Jan Black and Greg Enns, a great book and a real thinker. It is straight forward and easy to read. I have just finnished chapter two and all ready I am impressed. It really breaks boundaries down and has great examples that are really helpful.
I personally have been working together with a profesional after taking notes so I can discuss it futher to keep me in check with myself. It has made me a little defencive about my personal examples. I find working slowly together with my professtional and really helps. Although, there is not much to talk about due to the easy explanation in the book. The boundary breakdown of the age groups of develpoment was extremly helpful but made me self-conscience. Even though it made me self-conscience, it is defiantly worth it to read and to contemplate about.