Better Off Without 'Em: A Northern Manifesto for Southern Secession [Kindle Edition]

Chuck Thompson (Author)

Book Description

Let’s talk about secession.

Not exactly the most suitable cocktail party conversation starter anywhere in the country, but take that notion deep into the heart of Dixie and you might find yourself running from the possum-hunting conservatives, trailer-park lifers, and prayer warriors Chuck Thompson encountered during the two years he spent traveling the American South asking the question: Would we be better off without ’em?

The result is a heavily researched, serious inquiry into national divides which is unabashedly controversial, often uproarious, and always thought-provoking. From a church service in Mobile, Alabama, where the gospel entertainer announces "Islam is upon us!" to a store selling Ku Klux Klan memorabilia on a quaint little street in South Carolina—Thompson lifts the green velvet drapes on a South that would seem to belong more to the time of Rhett and Scarlett than the dawn of the twenty-first century.

By crunching numbers, interviewing experts, and roaming the not-so-former Confederacy, Thompson—an openly disgruntled liberal from the Northwest—makes a compelling case for southern secession. What would the new nations look like if Virginia governor Bob McDonnell was elected as the first President of the Confederate States of America? If a southern electorate was left to fend for itself while the North did damage control on an economy decimated by cut-rate southern workers who operate as a rival nation within its own borders? If the BCS championship football game were replaced by a North vs. South Coca Cola/ Starbucks Blood Bowl™? If Florida went to the South and Texas to the North in the most complex land-and-population grab in American history?

Better Off Without ’Em is a deliberately provocative book whose insight, humor, fierce and fearless politics, and sheer nerve will spark a national debate that is perhaps long overdue.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Hilarious, dirty, and incendiary, [Better Off Without ‘Em] is a book that will prompt guffaws in some, an urge to shoot it through the spine in others, and everyone to agree that it will only stoke the election-year bonfire.” (Vanity Fair)

“(Thompson) is serious about his argument and has more than enough ammunition.” (New York Times)

“For critics who lament the homogenization of the United States, Thompson offers several memorable scenes with distinct regional flavor. . . . Underneath all the macho bombast, there are some serious ideas at play. In a chapter on the condition of education in the South, Thompson writes passionately and persuasively about the disastrous long-term effects that de facto segregation and systematic underfunding of public schools will have on the US economy.” (Boston Globe)

“[Thompson] is awesomely talented and wickedly funny.” (Philadelphia Inquirer)

“Funny in the mode of P.J. O’Rourke and Joe Queenan.” (Arkansas Democrat-Gazette)

“[Thompson’s] solution is a kind of no-fault divorce for nation-states: no hard feelings, just two adults who can’t quite make the relationship work, shaking hands and walking away.” (Oxford American)

“Reading and hearing about the hue and cry from thousands for secession since the election, with Texas leading the pack, I highly recommend the book Better Off Without 'Em: A Northern Manifesto For Southern Secession by Chuck Thompson. He presents an intriguing and plausible plan, with a touch of humor, that just may be the only way out of the political poison that has spread across this country and endangers the future for all of us. Plus it's a darn good history lesson.” (Boulder Daily Camera)

“As if Kevin Phillips’s American Theocracy were being narrated by Rolling Stone’s Matt Taibbi . . . Viciously funny and thoroughly tasteless, it’s an easy and cathartic read for anyone fed up with the Confederate influence on the national discourse. But like Taibbi or Bill Maher, Thompson isn’t aiming just to entertain; he wants readers to take his underlying argument seriously.” (Washington Monthly)

“Portland nonfiction author Chuck Thompson’s Better Off Without ’Em: A Northern Manifesto for Southern Secession gets the election season’s regional angst off to a tartly observed start.” (Portland Monthly)

“Hilariously over-the-top . . . Thompson's mix of vitriol, bewilderment, humor, and research holds the seemingly disparate elements together and makes for an entertaining, if absurdly hyperbolic, read. . . . Thought-provoking.” (Publishers Weekly)

About the Author

Chuck Thompson is the supervising editor for CNN.com Travel. His other books include the comic memoirs Smile When You’re Lying and To Hellholes and Back, and his writing has appeared in Outside, Esquire, and The New Republic, among other publications.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• File Size: 1026 KB
• Print Length: 338 pages
• Page Numbers Source ISBN: 1451616651
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster (August 14, 2012)
• Sold by: Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc
• Language: English
• ASIN: B0061QB16Y
• Text-to-Speech: Not enabled
• X-Ray: Not Enabled
• Lending: Not Enabled
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #120,933 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
  • #58 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Nonfiction > Travel > United States > Regions > South

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

155 of 166 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars I can already hear the Hank Williams Jr protest song in my head... October 13, 2012

By Trevor Seigler

Format:Hardcover

First things first; I'm a Southerner, born and bred (not inbred, I think). Chuck Thompson's new book "Better Off Without 'Em" should make me angry, and it does. But not for the reasons you might think, what with this review coming from below the Mason-Dixon line. Much like Bill Bryson before him, Thompson uses sarcastic and acid-tongued humor to arrive at some uncomfortable truths. How you respond to those is your call, but I'm writing this review.

There are a lot of things here that Thompson uses to indict the South that strike me as of the "duh!" category (slavery, Jim-Crow-era-and-beyond systemic racism, backwardness, Larry the Cable Guy)in terms of "reasons to hate the South and wish it gone" (as he advocates quite clearly in his subtitle, "A Northern Manifesto for Southern Secession"). But he also uncovers some facts that show pretty clearly that we as a region are indeed dragging down the rest of the country.

Labor unions are unwelcome in the South, which boasts a "pro-business" mindset that would make Charles Dickens weep. Wages and benefits in the South are the lowest in the country, and we've managed to poach Detroit's auto industry because we bend over backwards to accomodate outside businesses (to hell with the workforce as a result). Racism is everywhere, but in the South it's the not-so-subtle motivation behind "Christian academies" and the subtle motivation behind the closing of an historic all-black elementary school in Biloxi because it outperforms white schools. The BCS, which is supposedly how the college football rankings are arrived at "scientifically," seems to favor the SEC at the cost of other conferences (many with better overall records, as Thompson shows). Even relations between white and black churches aren't above suspicion, as the white churches became primary organs of the Klan in the wake of the Civil Rights era.

All this is damning stuff, but Thompson has more: for a region that eschews national government and demands to be "left alone" by Washington, the South bellies up to the bar for federal aid (with little paid back) more than any other region. The South also boasts the largest population, in terms of mass: we are and always will be fond of greasy food that leaves us in ill-health from the cradle to the (before our time) grave. Violence in the South is tied to the way in which we settle for the absolute lowest common denominator in terms of education and economy (we don't train our kids to use their brains for anything other than as a conduit for beer to go through after a long day making a few cents at the factory). All of this should be the primary cause for people to find outrage at Thompson's book.

However, I'm guessing the reaction most people in the South will have is predicted by Thompson, who seems even to encourage it with his confrontational style: we'll get our backs up and take offense at Thompson, not the facts. Like I said before, Thompson is in the grand tradition of Bill Bryson and Anthony Bourdain, a snarky and opinionated individual who isn't won over by the usual platitudes of genteel tourist brochures and skirting-the-truth historical sites. And he is vicious when dealing with people whose mindset does not equal his own, in ways that can seem positively childish and mean-spirited. But here's the thing: he's right about the facts he cites, and while his solution seems far-fetched, he goes to the trouble to examine why it is that the South is both the political leader and cultural doormat of the rest of the country. An elite who prospers by keeping the working man down (the same working man that country music supposedly celebrates while at the same time pandering to) is the real villain here, not Thompson. I don't know that I'd grab a beer with him, but I wouldn't leave my seat if he came over to sit down.

The South, of course, is no more one stereotype or the other: we have honest-to-goodness diversity that we can be proud of. And writers from Faulkner to Walker Percy have given us a literate, introspective voice that goes beyond the hoary platitudes and lip-service paid to the South by those who benefit from our supposed backwardness and slow-mindedness. I'm a Southerner, yes, and I know firsthand that our education system is not conducive to actual critical thinking (as the only person to come out of Walhalla High having read "The Scarlet Letter" instead of the Cliff's Notes, I'm qualified to speak on such things). Chuck Thompson serves up a fiery, uncomfortable brew in "Better Off Without 'Em," but it doesn't mean that he doesn't speak the truth.

40 of 44 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Not for the "Bless His Heart" Southern Sympathizers October 5, 2012

By Florence, SC

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

This is a gritty, hard hitting, political commentary on why our political system is in trouble. Thompson will gain no popularity, in southern political circles, for his "tell it like it is" appraisal of the south. As a southerner, I see first hand exactly what Thompson exposes. Those people who study political systems will see the book as a likely start in opening a dialog where the myths of the southern systems are opened to full examination.
If you believe that humans rode dinosaurs, that the BCS is a fair system, and that education is not something that everyone is entitled to, then this book is not for you.
If you're even debating the purchase, then you may already have a more liberal stance on social issues than is prevalent throughout the south.
Thompson backs up his assertions with references, and although his commentary is laced with his own brand of sarcasm, he makes case after case that the south has not yet decided to join mainstream America.
Fascinating reading, well put together. This would not be something that I would take to the local gun club in SC to read while waiting my turn at the range.

64 of 78 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Thought Provoking and Humorous August 30, 2012

By OldLine

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

Not surprised to see a mix of 5 star and 1 star reviews, but hopefully the latter spent time to actually read the book beyond the first several pages to recognize the hyperbole. I found the book to be extremely well-written, insightful and humorous. The facts that stick with me include the data on very low property tax rate structure in southern states relative to the rest of the country and the social, economic, and cultural impacts that has had through generations. Do southerners really take more federal assistance than they contribute, while other parts of the country have positive ratios? Interesting read that I would recommend to others who appreciate a dose of humor with their politics. Thompson has nutz to take on the topic under this title. That much is inarguable. The author uses the premise to pull out some thought-provoking insight and facts. I guess everyone understands that he's not really serious -- right?