For Better or For Worse: A Blessing or A Curse [Paperback]

Melissa Martin (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 1999 | ISBN-10: 1892525046 | ISBN-13: 978-1892525048

For Better or For Worse: A Blessing or A Curse? is a book of hope, help, and healing for women of faith who are victims of domestic violence! Drawn directly from the experiences of formerly battered Christian women; this unique guide provides encouragement to women, men, and children. A resource guide for victims/survivors, batterers, clergy, counselors, social workers, educators, women's shelter staff, helpers, police officers, physicians, and any professional who desires to better understand women and men of faith who are experiencing domestic violence.

Editorial Reviews

Review

How can this resource guide be used? a self-study for victims and batterers a training tool for pastors and lay counselors a therapy guide for psychologists,counselors, and social workers a manual for support groups a textbook for students and professors a workbook for instruction. -- From the publisher

From the Author

This resource guide is not intended to point fingers of blame. The intent is to expose the secret of violence in Christian homes, so healing can begin. Dear readers, please do not say, "I'm glad my church does not have any of those kinds of families." Domestic violence crosses all religious borders. We must unite to address these issues! I believe that denominations can work side-by-side to stop violence and to minister to God's broken families.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 246 pages
• Publisher: Its Womens Work (January 1, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1892525046
• ISBN-13: 978-1892525048
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,098,197 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Complete and Helpful, May 19, 2000

By 

Natasha Dickson (Maryland, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: For Better or For Worse: A Blessing or A Curse (Paperback)

Yes, I'll admit the title fooled me. When I read the name "For Better or For Worse: A Blessing or a Curse" I thought Ms. Martin's would discuss whether the notion of "until death" is still applicable to modern marriages. Instead, her book deals with helping people who hold this belief but are in abusive relationships. It does not condemn the belief or those who hold it.

The book is a RESOURCE GUIDE to dealing with domestic violence in Christian families. And, believe me, anyone can use it.

I like how she carefully outlines exactly what constitutes abuse and abusive behavior. She not only lets the VICTIMS know who they are, what they can do and where they can go for help but does the same for the ABUSERS.

If you are an abused woman or teen you might go to your church or pastor for help. But what do you do if the abuser is the pastor and you are his wife/child/victim? That's where this book comes in. It includes lists that profile victims, abusers, typical behaviors, habits, histories, statistics, etc. It even lists actual agencies in the State where you live (USA) so you can get real and immediate help. She outlines what is acceptable or normal behavior and what is not. Victims often think that what they are experiencing is normal. Abusers sometimes think they are well within their rights.

Helpful were the true stories in the book about Christian couples whose marriages survived and were healed from physical, sexual and verbal abuse as well as stories of relationships that did not make it. These stories may help the reader decide what is workable and what's not but Ms. Martin never makes that decision for you.

I was touched by the fact that while she writes as a professional Ms. Martin included prayers, poems, proverbs and Bible verses for healing. The book can be used by people of any religion and not only Christian faiths. Men and women who come from religious backgrounds often believe that divorce is not an option. The victims (usually women) believe they cannot break their vows even if their lives are seriously at risk.

In her book Ms. Martin brings hope for those victims who want help and for abusers who recognise their abusiveness and want to change. And she non-judgmentally shows the church-world that abuse REALLY exists in some of its families (even in the pulpit) but that homes can be saved even when the abuser is a pastor, elder, deacon or just a regular church member. Ms. Martin admits, however, it is not possible to save all marriages. Some women have had to run for their lives - LITERALLY. Ms. Martin is a licensed counsellor, social worker and former victim and she has usefully drawn on her experiences to write this book.

Any church member, counsellor, social worker, friend or relative can use this book to find safe, peaceful, Godly ways and resources to help both victims and abusers. Victims and abusers even can use it to help themselves TO SOME EXTENT but they may still need to get more help.

"For Better or For Worse" was obviously written by someone who cares, who wants to save lives, families and marriages, while keeping them whole(where possible) for better and NOT for worse. Thank you, Ms. Martin, for a very useful book.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A MUST HAVE FOR EVERY WOMAN!!!!!!!!!, October 13, 2000

By 

Ariana Lee (Nroth Dakota) - See all my reviews

This review is from: For Better or For Worse: A Blessing or A Curse (Paperback)

I was brought up in an abusive home and unfortunately the man I had married to "escape" the abuse turned out to be 100 times worse then my parents ever could. Back when I went throught it there was no "Domestic Abuse Council" and women were pretty much still considered "property of their husbands" in the eyes of the law. Every minute a woman is being abused by her "significant other" but every two miutes a woman is being killed! Where does it stop and when does society stop turning a blind eye to this major problem? The more people (man or woman) who read this book and others like it the greater the effect on the statistics will be and hopefully we will finally put an end to the violence.

5.0 out of 5 stars Healing, at last., May 28, 2001

By 

"robinn1" (Salinas, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: For Better or For Worse: A Blessing or A Curse (Paperback)

This book is an excellent resource to tackle a subject not freely discussed in the Christian environment. The subject matter and step by step guidelines are easy to understand and direct. The scriptural references counteract the myths that have been used for years to keep the cycle of abuse going in a family (i.e., the woman is to submit to the husband, etc.). The author addresses the victim, the abuser, the church, the counselor/support team, the children, the law and God's directives to us. A checklist for identifying the signs of abuse, a guideline for what steps to take and how to begin the healing process, both for the victim as well as the abuser are also included. The poetry therapy is a MUST READ!! Identifying the beginnings of the cycle of abuse, for both the victim (what went wrong?) and the abuser (why do I abuse?) are keys to recovery and are laid out in an easy to understand way. Discerning God's true desire for us through scripture stimulates the healing process. This book also gives direction to the church as to their role when abuse is identified and how to respond to help break the cycle. This is an important tool for use in any Christian recovery/support/teaching group.