For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered [Paperback]

E. Mavis Hetherington (Author), John Kelly (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 2003

"A reader-friendly guide to how people can build success out of the stress and adversity of divorce."—Michael Rutter, Institute of Psychiatry, London

Mavis Hetherington, "without doubt the world's preeminent researcher on the family processes that surround divorce,...has distilled the wisdom growing out of her many studies of the short-term and long-term impact of divorce on family members" (Eleanor Maccoby, Stanford University). Offering "a welcome corrective to misleading and simplistic accounts," Hetherington "not only provides scientifically sound and wonderfully sensible guidance but dispels the myth that divorce is always negative" (Ross D. Parke, University of California, Riverside). This "widely-heralded study" (Time) is a "reader-friendly guide to how people can build success out of the stress and adversity of divorce" (Michael Rutter, Institute of Psychiatry, London), presenting a more nuanced picture of marital breakup—not as a momentary event but as a life process. Hetherington identifies the kinds of marriages that predispose a couple to divorce or not and also pinpoints "windows of change" that allow some to fashion the challenges of divorce into an opportunity for themselves and for their children. "Gold standard [research] aimed at clearing up confusion among moms and dads worried about divorce."—USA Today "Sure to become a classic in the field!"—Constance R. Ahrons, author of The Good Divorce "Without doubt the world's preeminent researcher on the family processes that surround divorce."—Eleanor Maccoby, Stanford University "A welcome corrective to misleading and simplistic accounts...dispels the myth that divorce is always negative."—Ross D. Parke, University of California, Riverside

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

University of Virginia psychology professor Hetherington and writer Kelly offer a "primer" on the "postnuclear family experience." After studying more than 1,400 families and 2,500 children over three decades, Hetherington sees divorce as part of a series of "interconnected transitions" in life rather than a one-time event. While destructive in the short-term, divorce can also be positive, creating new opportunities for long-term personal growth. The authors begin by looking at the character of the marital relationship, which is like a bank account: each partner makes "deposits" of strengthening factors (like mutual support and intimacy) and "withdrawals" that debilitate the relationship. The emotional base of the marriage erodes if there's an imbalance of "deposits" and "withdrawals" for too long, resulting in divorce. Depending on their "protective" factors (maturity, autonomy) vs. "risk" (impulsiveness, antisociability), ex-partners will weather the stormy first year after divorce with varying degrees of resilience. After six years, most are happier. While the general picture is fairly positive, the detail can be unnerving. Children may be adjusting, but after six years, a quarter of them see their noncustodial father once a year or less. One fourth of ex-spouses are still having conflicts after six years. Most stepfathers give up the struggle to connect with resisting stepchildren after two years. With these darker realities in mind, the authors offer a series of practical suggestions at the end of each chapter. (Jan. 21)Forecast: Given the vast number of people divorcing all the time, the market for this jargon-free book should be huge. But its scholarly bent (aimed at its primary audience of upper-level college students and counseling professionals) and its claim to be "the most comprehensive study of divorce in America" may turn off some.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

--This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

A reader-friendly guide to how people can build success out of the stress and adversity of divorce. -- Michael Rutter, Institute of Psychiatry, London

A welcome corrective to misleading and simplistic accounts...dispels the myth that divorce is always negative. -- Ross D. Parke, University of California, Riverside

Gold standard [research] aimed at clearing up confusion among moms and dads worried about divorce. -- USA Today

Sure to become a classic in the field! -- Constance R. Ahrons, author of The Good Divorce

Without doubt the world's preeminent researcher on the family processes that surround divorce. -- Eleanor Maccoby, Stanford University

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company (February 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0393324133
• ISBN-13: 978-0393324136
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #148,738 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars No Agenda, Except the Truth, February 28, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: For Better or for Worse: Divorce Reconsidered (Hardcover)

This was a most helpful, elucidating book. It maps out what life after divorce is like, on the basis of an enormous, scientific study. Anyone who has been divorced, or is the child of divorced parents (or marrying one) will find in it all the touchstones you need to know about to help you guide your emotional life.
After all the political fighting about divorce, here is a book with no agenda, except the truth. Indispensible.

29 of 35 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An indispensable resource, January 7, 2002

By 

Nick Kasoff (ST. LOUIS, MO USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: For Better or for Worse: Divorce Reconsidered (Hardcover)

Mavis Hetherington has gathered together a veritable avalanche of information, in a most usable form. For parents who have divorced, and especially those preparing to enter into new marriages with children, this is a "must read." Numerous and very costly mistakes could be avoided, to the benefit of remarried parents and their children.

- Nick Kasoff
WGNU Radio - St. Louis

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars No squishy self help fuzzies here, September 19, 2006

By 

Mountain Girl "Julia" (Vancouver, Canada) - See all my reviews

This review is from: For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered (Paperback)

Just the facts ma'am. The first truly helpful book I've ever read on the subject. This book allowed me to look at divorce from a different, more productive perspective. The fact that it is backed up with solid research gave me the confidence to trust that I have the power to control where I go from here... a message that I'm trying very hard to instill in my children too.