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Beware of God: Stories [Paperback]

Shalom Auslander
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)

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Book Description

March 28, 2006
Shalom Auslander's stories in Beware of God have the mysterious punch of a dream. They are wide ranging and inventive: A young Jewish man's inexplicable transformation into a very large, blond, tattooed goy ends with an argument over whether or not his father can beat his unclean son with a copy of the Talmud. A pious man having a near-death experience discovers that God is actually a chicken, and he's forced to reconsider his life -- and his diet. At God's insistence, Leo Schwartzman searches Home Depot for supplies for an ark. And a young boy mistakes Holocaust Remembrance Day as emergency preparedness training for the future.

Auslander draws upon his upbringing in an Orthodox Jewish community in New York State to craft stories that are filled with shame, sex, God, and death, but also manage to be wickedly funny and poignant.


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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The faithful look sharp or fall victim to a "surly, bossy, paranoid, violent" God in Auslander's satirical debut collection. The author, raised an Orthodox Jew, mercilessly spoofs the Old Testament deity: God suffers from migraines, stalks a modern-day prophet and appears as a large chicken, among other incarnations. Though harsh rabbinic voices echo throughout, and characters who engage in Talmudic-style debate usually arrive at absurd conclusions, Auslander's target isn't religious hypocrisy. Instead, he guns for sacred cows: literal interpretations of the Torah, strict adherence to Jewish law, and belief in an all-powerful deity who metes out punishment and reward according to man's fulfillment of God's commandments. At the heart of this satire, though, is the pain of true believers at the mercy of a capricious God. These are high-concept stories: a chimpanzee suddenly achieves "total conscious self-awareness.... God. Death. Shame. Guilt"—a burden he cannot bear. A yeshiva student wakes one morning with a brawny, goyishe body and is reviled by his community. A man enrages all major world religions with his discovery of original Old Testament tablets preceded by the disclaimer, "The following is a work of fiction." Occasionally, the Catskills-inflected comedy is corny, but for the most part, Auslander skillfully handles heavy subject matter with a droll tone. "Beautiful day," an adman says, making small talk at a pitch meeting with God. " 'I made it myself,' God answered loudly." (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Booklist

This first short story collection is approachable and entertaining on many levels, because it includes a strange and either funny or disturbing cast of characters, all of whom explore, in one way or another, their connection to the universe and the Almighty. The first story, "The War of the Bernsteins," pits a technically pious man against his rebellious and frustrated wife, and the descriptions of their internal "spiritual mathematics" is reminiscent of some of Woody Allen's short pieces. "Holocaust Tips for Kids" is, as expected, chilling and maudlin but also somehow humbling, putting everything in an unusual perspective. Some of the other stories seem to verge on gimmicky, but for the most part, Auslander avoids cheap laughs, his point in these stories being that all of us, deeply observant of our faith or not, take the doctrine and ritualistic trappings of organized religion far too seriously. Debi Lewis
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 208 pages
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster (March 28, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0743264576
  • ISBN-13: 978-0743264570
  • Product Dimensions: 7 x 5.2 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #315,653 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

I read pratically the entire book in one sitting; it's hard to put down. Beached Whale  |  7 reviewers made a similar statement
I found this book very refreshing and well written. Judy Klein  |  5 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
24 of 24 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Ridicule, the Best Defense Against Dogmatism May 29, 2005
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
This book doesn't attack religion so much as what some people have done to it. By placing dogmatic thinking in other situations the stories show how ridiculous this thinking is. Two hamsters argue about whether their owner in omniscient. Rabbis argue about letting a man with a Jewish head and Christian body into a synagogue. A religious war breaks out in the Peanuts comic strip. I want to buy 20 copies of this book and pass them out to everyone I know.
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19 of 20 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A sparkling comedy April 4, 2005
Format:Hardcover
Shalom Auslander succeeds in never boring the reader, although one may argue the shorts stories are variations on the same theme: the idiocy of some (most?) orthodox Jewish (and for that matter, any religious) beliefs and practices. Besides being hilarious, this book will make you pause and wonder: "am I really a (willing) victim of such a preposterous construction?". This book will not only amuse you; it will also make you more critical, and probably a tad smarter.
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22 of 24 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars G-D is the Party of the First Part October 7, 2005
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
It's one thing to believe the message. It's another to worship the creed. Here's a collection of short, stark and funny parables about the futility short cuts to the bosom of Abraham.

These are characters trapped in cul de sacs of legalistic fretting, and the god protrayed here in the one that would have to exist to make all this theological manuvering something other than absurd and pointless -- a smug CEO, frustrated with his penny-ante creations and bound by his own legalistic mind.

It's a funny book, a ding on the vanities and motivations of hyperobservant followers everywhere. Not just Orthodox Jews.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Head the advice!
Hilarious. Check out his other books: 'Foreskin's Lament' and carrying a bit more gravitas: 'Hope: a Tragedy'. You will not be disapointed!
Published 21 days ago by topasy
4.0 out of 5 stars Terrific writer
Englander know how to write great short stories with kicker endings. His subject matter is often kinky, but interesting. Read his other books.
Published 2 months ago by Phyllis Lensky
4.0 out of 5 stars Funny Writer
I was pleasantly surprised and laughed out loud. I can't ask for more than that in a collection of short stories.
Published 3 months ago by Reader/NY/LA
5.0 out of 5 stars Hail Auslander! See you in heaven, whether you like it or not!
I love Shalom Auslander's stories. As a devout Anglican, I respect our theological disagreements, and probably chuckle along with God at some of his perceptions. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Grace C. Johnston
2.0 out of 5 stars This is no Foreskin
If you're looking for another Foreskin's Lament, this isn't it. Very disappointing, too snarky, no poignant humor as in his previous works. Skip it.
Published 4 months ago by Valerie O
5.0 out of 5 stars Another good book
Have read all of his books and highly recommend them: funny, caustic, intelligent. You must be a brave reader and welcome the challenge of his books, even if you are sometimes... Read more
Published 7 months ago by Janice Melvin
5.0 out of 5 stars Its not Foreskin's Lament - but I still loved it!
I couldn't tear myself away from his first work, Foreskin's lament. This is not that, but it's still a damned good book!
Thank you Shalom!
Published 14 months ago by firstlady591
4.0 out of 5 stars beware of G-d
Shalom Auslander is amazingly dark and hilarious. You don't have to be Jewish to appreciate his humor - although it doesn't hurt...
Published 15 months ago by argie
3.0 out of 5 stars review of this book
The book was just ok I think I was expecting something a little lighter. He has a twisted sense of humor which most of the time I enjoy,but this did not cut it for me.
Published 20 months ago by Mary B. Mchugh
5.0 out of 5 stars The funniest satire of Orthodox Judaism I've ever read.
When I first read this book four years ago, I couldn't breathe from laughing at several points. I saw this phenomena repeated with one of the people I lent my copy too. Read more
Published on August 27, 2010 by A. Conzevoy
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