Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians and Gays Talk about Their Experiences [Hardcover]

Carolyn Welch Griffin (Author), Marian J. Wirth (Author), Arthur G. Wirth (Author), Brian McNaught (Introduction), Adele Starr (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1996

Based upon discussion and interviews conducted with parents belonging to P-FLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), a support and advocacy group with over four hundred chapters internationally, Beyond Acceptance provides parents with the comfort and knowledge needed to accept their gay children and build stronger relationships with them. It provides accurate, documented answers to the questions that surface after the initial shock and addresses such concerns as: "Is it a choice?" "Can it be changed?" and "Did the parents 'cause' their child to be gay?" With extensive testimony from other parents, this book lets mothers and fathers know that they are not alone and helps them through the emotional stages leading to reconciliation with their children.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"Every happy family is alike, and every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way," wrote Leo Tolstoy. Families dealing with a child's homosexuality are certainly forced by a homophobic culture to experience a whole range of unhappiness. Beyond Acceptance deals with a variety of issues facing heterosexual parents of gay children, from facing what the neighbors will say to worrying about AIDS and social ostracism to feeling angry and guilt-ridden.

Various people speak about how they came to their misinformed views about gayness, their religious beliefs, their fears that friends will abandon them after finding out about their child's homosexuality, and their anxieties about AIDS. Often people find similar solutions to their problems, and sometimes different ones, but in all cases the message is that understanding, love, and a need to own up to, and dispense with, ignorant homophobic attitudes can bring families back together in a wholesome and nurturing manner. Frank, informed, and filled with insights and practical suggestions, Beyond Acceptance is a fine addition to the literature on homophobia and families. --Michael Bronski --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

From Library Journal

Based on interviews with P-FLAG member parents, this book is organized as a chronology of the typical parent's emotional jour- ney to acceptance and beyond.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 234 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Press; Rev Upd Su edition (September 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312145500
• ISBN-13: 978-0312145507
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.6 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #590,397 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

58 of 58 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Read this book before you come out to your parents., May 31, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians and Gays Talk about Their Experiences (Hardcover)

I told my parents I'm gay this past weekend. It went much better than expected. Friends said that there were books on the market that could help. I checked out Amazon's selection and found _Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians and Gays Talk About Their Experiences_ to be the extremely helpful in the coming-out-to-your-parents experience. The book was, for me, accurate in "predicting" my parents' reactions, down to the questions they would ask, the emotions they would go through, etc. It was touching, and inspiring as it brings you from the initial coming out event all the way through to parents who have taken action in their communities against homophobia. The book doesn't pretend that all parents will change so drastically, but it shows what's possible.

Note: While the book draws from the experiences of predominantly caucasian, middle-class families, the parents were from all across the country and from various religious backgrounds, i.e. Jewish, Christian, Catholic, agnostic, etc.

The book covers an amazing array of subjects including: Issues regarding your partner and the difficulties and triumphs in bringing partners into the family, the grandparents and extended family, the church, the sense of loss experienced by parents when their expectations for their gay child changes, the paradox of the general acceptance of married heterosexuals who don't have children versus gay committed, monogamous relationships, the fact gays can lead happy and full lives, gays in the military, about whether gayness is caused by nature or nurture or both, about whether being gay is a mental illness, about the removal of homosexuality from the APA's list of mental illnesses, about the failure of all forms of "treatment," and the list goes on . . .

I also enjoyed and drew wisdom from the Bernstein book, _Straight Parents, Gay Children: Inspiring Families to Live Honestly and With Greater Understanding_, but found _Beyond Acceptance_ to be better organized.

41 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great review of coming-out issues from a parent's perspectiv, August 19, 1997

By A Customer

This review is from: Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians and Gays Talk about Their Experiences (Hardcover)

This book is like having someone hold your hand as you accept the news that someone you love is gay. It is written by parents who share what were their reactions, questions and fears upon learning that their son or daughter is gay. Is is my fault? What will the neighbors think? What will my church think? The book presents parent's own answers to these questions and refers to current outside writing on the subjects addressed. It's "must read" for anyone trying to understand homosexuality, coming-out and how to best understand and love someone who is gay

32 of 32 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A most important book., November 6, 2000

By 

"joto25" - See all my reviews

This review is from: Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians & Gays Talk About Their Experiences (Paperback)

Beyond good, this book is important. A book from the voices of parents who have lesbian and/or gay children. We have "heard" plenty from lesbians and gays, pleading for understanding and acceptance, so this book gives the readers a voice from "the other" side.

With frank interviews and conversations, we are let in on the angst, the suffering, the fears and disappointments from parents. It covers many aspects of our lives. Most often, the burning question from parents is "what did I do wrong?" Religion, health, acceptance etc....all the way to "should the neighbours know?

This book is honestly written from the hearts of the writers, parents who have been through all of that and more. We learn of how they cope or didn't. The journeys they have taken and what the effects are with a lesbian/gay in the family unit. A must read, not just for parents, but also for lesbians and gays, and their siblings. And for everyone else too - I recommend this book. It creates understanding, not answers, through the conversations with various people. In all, it is almost like sitting in a crowd and listening in on an interesting discussion or conversation and gleaning knowledge and understanding!!

There is an earlier editon from 1990. Try to get the lastest one, I think 1996/7, with updates on issues like AIDS etc...

Buy or borrow this book, read it again and again. Pass it on. For everyone.