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Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life After Boyhood Sexual Abuse Hardcover – April 1, 2005

4.6 out of 5 stars 38 customer reviews

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Frequently Bought Together

  • Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life After Boyhood Sexual Abuse
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  • Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse
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  • Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse
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Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

"I do not believe it is an exaggeration to state that Dr. Gartner's work led to the saving of countless emotional lives. . . . [This is] one of the finest self-help books for male victims of sexual abuse. . . . I only wish Beyond Betrayal were published years ago. I am very happy it comes to us now. It is a must-read for all victims of sexual abuse as boys and for their loved ones. It is necessary, practical, well written—and yes, a life-saving book."
—From the Foreword by William Pollack, Ph.D., author of the New York Times bestselling Real Boys

By the age of sixteen, up to one in six boys has unwanted direct sexual contact with an older person. This is rarely talked about, and when it is, shame and embarrassment often stop us from speaking up openly and frankly. Now, this major new book by Dr. Richard Gartner, a pioneering therapist in the field, explores in depth the once-taboo subject of male sexual victimization.

Providing empowering action steps and written specifically for survivors of male sexual abuse as well as their spouses, partners, and loved ones, Beyond Betrayal is based on Richard Gartner's decades of experience as a psychologist, psychoanalyst, and advocate for sexually abused men. Covering both male and female abuse of boys and young men, Dr. Gartner explores the different types of abuse, from sexual abuse with and without touch to covert abuse to trauma, revealing the profound impact of sexual betrayal by such caretakers as clergy, family, teachers, babysitters, and health professionals. Gartner explains how as a child one trusts out of necessity—and how the betrayal of that trust ravages one's self-concept as a man while also wreaking havoc on one's relationships.

In this powerful book, Dr. Gartner allows his patients to speak for themselves. The men's heartrending stories convey the full range of long-term devastations of boyhood sexual abuse: the despair, the secrecy, and the isolation; the worry about manhood and sexual orientation; and the difficulties of developing intimate relationships. In sharing their stories, these courageous men demonstrate what bravely deciding to face your inner demons can bring you: trust, resolution, and connection.

In reading this book, you'll discover how to safely experience emotions again and relate to others with confidence and security. Dr. Gartner also helps you shed the long-held conviction that you can either be a man or a victim but not both, and he teaches you how to determine who you really are and develop new, more flexible concepts of masculinity. Beyond Betrayal shows you that you can take charge of your recovery while living your life to its fullest potential.

From the Back Cover

"With compassion and clarity, Richard Gartner shares insights from years of working with male survivors. Among this book's greatest strengths is the extensive use of examples from Dr. Gartner's clinical practice to illustrate problems and solutions on the path to healing. Beyond Betrayal offers support, encouragement, and useful skills to men in recovery."
—Mike Lew, M.Ed., author of Victims No Longer and Leaping upon the Mountains

"If you have been sexually abused, this book will give you information, hope, direction, and most importantly, the assurance that you are not alone. Dr. Gartner has written an accessible, compassionate book that clearly lays out the healing process for men who were hurt or abused as children. Whether you were abused by a mother, a camp counselor, a neighborhood boy, or a priest, Beyond Betrayal will give you the tools you need to reclaim your life and move on. If you're going to take one book with you on the healing journey, this should be the one."
—Laura Davis, coauthor of The Courage to Heal and author of The Courage to Heal Workbook

"Compassionate, insightful, and hopeful, Beyond Betrayal shines a bright light. It is a must-read for anyone concerned."
—Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D., author of Silently Seduced

"Beyond Betrayal cuts through the shame, confusion, misunderstanding, and fear that so often accompany the abuse of males and replaces them with clear information. I will begin to use it immediately with my patients and think that other clinicians will do so as well."
—Christine A. Courtois, Ph.D., author of Healing the Incest Wound and Recollections of Sexual Abuse

"Beyond Betrayal offers men straightforward words of hope and a meaningful way to overcome the invisibility, stigma, and shame they have endured. Many men and their families will find this book a healing aid."
—Jack Drescher, M.D., author of Psychoanalytic Therapy and the Gay Man

"Dr. Gartner writes in a manner any reader will find accessible. Not only does he understand the topic of males, sexual abuse, and recovery, but he can explain it to those who need to know."
—Dr. Mic Hunter, author of Abused Boys and editor of Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse: Treatment Innovations

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Wiley; 1st edition (April 1, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0471619108
  • ISBN-13: 978-0471619109
  • Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 0.9 x 9.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #802,858 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By L E WILLIS on October 7, 2005
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I would rate this book 10 stars out of 5 - that's how great it is. It is different from a lot of books on the subject. The author writes with extreme clarity and leads the reader through some different subjects than other books do. It is positive with good constructive advice in all areas where male victims are confused, afraid, and angry over. He is very understanding towards the male way of thinking and doing, but is not overly sympathetic either. His caring shines through. He is understanding and approaches the subject matter of fact. This is a must read for men who are brave enough to face the truth and who want to heal. The over all theme is healing in this book. He doesn't give step by step instructions or magic ways to make it happen. He's honest when he says it will take a lot of hard work. The scars don't go away, but we do learn the skills to deal with it and live a "normal" life. I can keep writing about this great book. It has helped me greatly and has give me new hope and to pull out strength. It has given me a more defined direction in my therapy. I love this book and was very disappointed when I found I had finished it. I hope this author writes more on this subject. It is needed. I hope this review helped someone out there. Good Luck!
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Format: Hardcover
In the early months of therapy my therapist suggested this book. She had listened to me when I said that the other books seemed to be about victims, but not 'of' victims; she said this book was geared more from the victims' perspective. Reading it was one of the defining moments in my healing; this was a turning point. I read about people just like me; I read about how they felt and how they expressed it to Dr Gartner; I read about them not wanting to say the truth because they feared reprisal or ridicule; I read about things I thought only I felt, suffered, endured and held inside. I read reality and it hit home, it hit home hard and true and I let go of something. I let go of the illusion that I was the only one in the whole world that felt like that. I let go - so simple yet so profound, and in letting go I opened a small window to let my therapist see into my world. If you doubt anyone ever enduring the same as you, read this book. Skim it if you will; jump about through the paragraphs; read one page a day if it hurts but, please, read it. Read the real people. Know, in you heart, that you are truly not alone. You have to do that for 'you' now.
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Format: Hardcover
It is the best book I read on boyhood sexual abuse. It is a life saver!!! It is very constructive in rebuilding one's life after the abuse. A must read...
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Format: Hardcover
This book provides insight in a format that is easy to understand and digest. There is no need to compare this to other books, because there is no comparison. This book clears a path to healing and understanding.

The author offers case studies that apply this information over a broad spectrum so that most men are offered information for recovery, regardless of specifics such as the gender of the abuser, the dynamics of the situation, and the sexual orientation of the person who experienced abuse. This author expresses no apparent assumptions about abuse influencing sexual orientation. The material is inclusive and comprehensive. He clarifies that many abused men feel uncertain about sexual orientation, and that "abused homosexual and bisexual men have a lot of the same questions about masculinity as abused heterosexual men." He also offers clarification about gender identity apart from sexual orientation.

The author offers unique information about unconscious, self-defeating ways of defining and dealing with masculinity in the wake of abuse, and alternate guidance to provide a healthy contrast to these patterns. **A secondary observation is that some of these counterproductive means of interpreting masculinity after abuse might resemble the bad advice and confusing misguidance of well-intentioned but misinformed friends, or others who attempt to offer advice or reinterpretation of post-abuse reality.** Bravo.

The information on boundaries is comprehensive. The author walks the reader through the effects of abuse on the ways boundaries are formed, not formed, or compromised, and talks about reactions to boundary violations. This developmental approach can assist the reader in seeing how this affects life and relationships at present.
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By JMF on December 8, 2006
Format: Hardcover
This book was the first one I read when I finally chose to accept my abuse. It is sensitive, compassionate, and full of positivity. Some of the stories from other surviviors will force you to recall similarities in your life, but in the end, it will help you to appreciate that you're not alone and you will become a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse and no longer a Victim. Mr. Gartner will give you the tools that you need to move forward and live a life that you always knew you could live. It will not happen over night or over a month or even a year, but it will happen!!
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I bought this book after my husband told me about his traumatic past. Without getting into personal details, I stumbled upon an "incident" that made me feel betrayed. When I confronted my husband and he tried to explain himself, a lot of repressed childhood memories of abuse came flooding back. He had never spoken to anyone about these horrible details of his childhood before. I struggled with feelings of betrayal from the present incident while my husband suffered from feelings of extreme shame because of what happened to him as a child, as well as experiencing severe panic attacks due to reliving all of these horrible memories all over again. Neither of us knew how to deal with this, and our marriage almost ended over all of this. I wanted to help my husband deal with what happened to him as a child, as it was NOT his fault. However, he wasn't willing to see a therapist or go to a support group because of how ashamed he felt.

I did some research online and was disappointed when I only found a few books on the topic of male sexual abuse. I bought a few books and DVD's. This book IS THE BEST BOOK ON THE TOPIC BY FAR! After reading the stories of other men and what they experienced, my husband finally agreed to go to a support group. Because the topic was a painful, hard topic to deal with, my husband and I read the book separately. Reading the sections on how men may react even after the abuse is long over or the feelings/emotions/confusing thoughts they may have due to the abuse helped BOTH OF US understand my husband's behavior better.

This is a MUST READ for any male who has suffered sexual abuse. This book has also helped us as a couple. I better understand what my husband went through and why he is the way he is.
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