Customer Reviews

Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life After Boyhood Sexual Abuse

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
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1 star:		(0)

 

 

I would rate this book 10 stars out of 5 - that's how great it is. It is different from a lot of books on the subject. The author writes with extreme clarity and leads the reader through some different subjects than other books do. It is positive with good constructive advice in all areas where male victims are confused, afraid, and angry over. He is very understanding towards the male way of thinking and doing, but is not overly sympathetic either. His caring shines through. He is understanding and approaches the subject matter of fact. This is a must read for men who are brave enough to face the truth and who want to heal. The over all theme is healing in this book. He doesn't give step by step instructions or magic ways to make it happen. He's honest when he says it will take a lot of hard work. The scars don't go away, but we do learn the skills to deal with it and live a "normal" life. I can keep writing about this great book. It has helped me greatly and has give me new hope and to pull out strength. It has given me a more defined direction in my therapy. I love this book and was very disappointed when I found I had finished it. I hope this author writes more on this subject. It is needed. I hope this review helped someone out there. Good Luck!

In the early months of therapy my therapist suggested this book. She had listened to me when I said that the other books seemed to be about victims, but not 'of' victims; she said this book was geared more from the victims' perspective. Reading it was one of the defining moments in my healing; this was a turning point. I read about people just like me; I read about how they felt and how they expressed it to Dr Gartner; I read about them not wanting to say the truth because they feared reprisal or ridicule; I read about things I thought only I felt, suffered, endured and held inside. I read reality and it hit home, it hit home hard and true and I let go of something. I let go of the illusion that I was the only one in the whole world that felt like that. I let go - so simple yet so profound, and in letting go I opened a small window to let my therapist see into my world. If you doubt anyone ever enduring the same as you, read this book. Skim it if you will; jump about through the paragraphs; read one page a day if it hurts but, please, read it. Read the real people. Know, in you heart, that you are truly not alone. You have to do that for 'you' now.

It is the best book I read on boyhood sexual abuse. It is a life saver!!! It is very constructive in rebuilding one's life after the abuse. A must read...

This book was the first one I read when I finally chose to accept my abuse. It is sensitive, compassionate, and full of positivity. Some of the stories from other surviviors will force you to recall similarities in your life, but in the end, it will help you to appreciate that you're not alone and you will become a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse and no longer a Victim. Mr. Gartner will give you the tools that you need to move forward and live a life that you always knew you could live. It will not happen over night or over a month or even a year, but it will happen!!

Richard Gartner's book, his words, his depth of understanding, his ability to connect with the reader in a safe and compassionate and empowering way, is stunning. It has been like holding up a mirror to our life, to the nuances and difficulties in our marriage, to the rage and shame that my husband has lived with for decades. He has never been able to read a book on this topic until this one - Gartner speaks as though he's speaking directly to the reader. It feels as though he's written this just for you. Read this book if you are a male survivor of sexual abuse - and read it if you are a spouse or partner too. As a spouse trying to understand the complexities of these issues, this book is a life saver. I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you want one single book on this topic, choose this one. I have several others that can't even come close to the precision and insight and simplicity and understanding that exist in these pages. Thank you Richard Gartner for this gift.

We just don't have to feel so alone any more. Dr. Gartner's amazing earlier book, Betrayed as Boys, was written for professionals but he used language that many laymen (including me) can find moving and useful. In Beyond Betrayal, he writes directly to men like us as well as to our partners, spouses, and loved ones. Beyond Betrayal speaks so directly to my own experience as a man trying to heal from boyhood abuse that I almost felt he knew me and wrote it specifically for me. There is a stunning description of early betrayal and how it leads to severe problems with trust in relationships later on. He then leads you through how society cheats you by making you believe that men can't be victims. The result of this is that we often believe that our abuse was our own fault -- leading to shame, silence, and guilt. This section was especially startling and remarkable. He covers all the bases, including abuse by priests and other clergy, abuse by women that we are told is "sexual initiation," and so many other facets of boyhood sexual abuse!

But he dioesn't stop there. Dr Gartner also tells us how to find our way. I not only felt understood, but also felt I got specific tools to move me along a path of healing. The section on how to find a therapist (even if you live in an isolated area not likely to have specialists in boyhood abuse) will be a godsend to many men. So is his section on things we can do for ourselves in addition to therapy. And our partners and loved ones -- who are often really left out in the cold in books like this -- will also find relief, comfort, and specific ways to help themselves, us, and our relationships as we journey together.

Thank you, Dr. Gartner!

Gartner has written a must-read book for those of us in recovery. I've read several books on the subject, and "Beyond Betrayal" almost seems to be written directly about MY life. I learned so much about myself by reading and journaling along with this wonderfully helpful book. It has been extremely helpful to my wife as well...she understands so much about me now. Thanks Dr. Gartner!

This book provides insight in a format that is easy to understand and digest. There is no need to compare this to other books, because there is no comparison. This book clears a path to healing and understanding.

The author offers case studies that apply this information over a broad spectrum so that most men are offered information for recovery, regardless of specifics such as the gender of the abuser, the dynamics of the situation, and the sexual orientation of the person who experienced abuse. This author expresses no apparent assumptions about abuse influencing sexual orientation. The material is inclusive and comprehensive. He clarifies that many abused men feel uncertain about sexual orientation, and that "abused homosexual and bisexual men have a lot of the same questions about masculinity as abused heterosexual men." He also offers clarification about gender identity apart from sexual orientation.

The author offers unique information about unconscious, self-defeating ways of defining and dealing with masculinity in the wake of abuse, and alternate guidance to provide a healthy contrast to these patterns. **A secondary observation is that some of these counterproductive means of interpreting masculinity after abuse might resemble the bad advice and confusing misguidance of well-intentioned but misinformed friends, or others who attempt to offer advice or reinterpretation of post-abuse reality.** Bravo.

The information on boundaries is comprehensive. The author walks the reader through the effects of abuse on the ways boundaries are formed, not formed, or compromised, and talks about reactions to boundary violations. This developmental approach can assist the reader in seeing how this affects life and relationships at present. This is a clear building of comprehension so that most if not all readers can really "get it," no matter how easy or challenging it may be to pick up a book on this subject and read through it.

This book offers proactive ways to get life back. There is clear, purposeful, soothing information that opens doors to understanding and clarity.

This book helped me to learn that I am not alone with having been sexually abused as a boy. The writing is compassionate and supportive. I just wish there was more "weight" to it. When I was finished, I felt like I had just touched the tip of a gigantic iceberg and wanted more.

As a victim of child sexual abuse I spent most of my adult life trying to understand why this happened to me. I felt as though I had somehow brought it on myself and that it was my fault. I felt guilt over telling my parents about what my Scout Master did to me when I was eleven. Then when he left my parish, I blamed it on my betrayal. After four therapists, I was lucky to happen upon my latest who recommended Richard Gartner's book, Beyond Betrayal. I read it in one day. Then I gave it to my partner so that he could understand what I was going through. This book put everything into perspective and gave me the hope that I could finally begin my life as an adult. I recommend this book highly for any one who has been abused or who knows someone who has.

Frank Spinelli, MD
author, Advocate Guide to Gay Men's Health and Wellness