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Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships Hardcover – September 25, 2011


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Zondervan (September 25, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0310330491
  • ISBN-13: 978-0310330493
  • Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.2 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (88 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #131,342 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Dr. John Townsend is a psychologist, popular speaker, co-host of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program, and a cofounder of the Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. He has written or co-written twenty-seven books, including the bestselling Boundaries, Safe People, and Hiding from Love. He and his wife, Barbi, live in southern California. They have two grown sons.

More About the Author

Dr. John Townsend is a leadership coach, psychologist and business consultant. He has authored or co-authored 26 books, selling 5 million copies. His bestseller "Boundaries" sold 2 million copies. He is cohost of the nationally-syndicated radio program "New Life Live", aired on 180 markets with a listenership of 3 million.

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
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See all 88 customer reviews
The original Boundaries book was one I've read over and over again.
Lisa Viviano
For those looking to improve their relationship skills or help in dealing with a toxic relationship, this book is a great resource to have.
Cafe Lily
Dr. Townsend relates to the reader in a down to earth style and makes a lot of "stuffy psychology" easy to understand.
holly11

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

51 of 52 people found the following review helpful By Cafe Lily on October 29, 2011
Format: Hardcover
I highly recommend this book for anyone who has ever been (or felt) betrayed in a relationship. Author Dr. John Townsend is also known for his work on the original Boundaries book.

Whenever someone is hurt or betrayed in a relationship, their human nature is to immediately withdraw and avoid the source of pain. In this new book, Dr. Townsend shows readers that they were created by God to connect and relate in meaningful relationships. Although protecting ourselves is "safe", it's not the best way to live and this book stresses the importance of taking the risk to reach out and become close to other people.

However, not everyone we come in contact with may be ready for a relationship with us. Dr. Townsend writes about the importance of the impact that others have on us and how to discern if someone is genuine in their intentions. This book will help you learn the difference between acceptable and unacceptable risks, why a simple change in behavior is not always enough, and how to determine if a relationship is worth going "beyond the boundaries". There is a brief review on what healthy boundaries are and how to set them.

Chapter 8 deals with grief and is a must read for anyone dealing with a loss. This chapter touches on the benefits of healthy grieving and the six components for grieving a lost relationship.

This book also addresses what to do if you find yourself relapsing and falling into old destructive relationship patterns. Teaching yourself to be attracted to health and character is a huge key in having a great relationship.

For those looking to improve their relationship skills or help in dealing with a toxic relationship, this book is a great resource to have.
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23 of 24 people found the following review helpful By Joan N. on October 12, 2011
Format: Hardcover
Sometimes you think you have to settle for less in your relationships. "If you don't want to settle in your relational life, this book is for you," says author Dr. John Townsend. You are meant to have deep, meaningful and positive relationships.
Cloud and Townsend wrote Boundaries two decades ago to help people in troubled relationships. Now Townsend wants to help you identify and grow from whatever went wrong in the relationship. He wants to help you determine if someone is worthy of your trust again.
In part 1 of the book we see how trust is broken in the first place, what happens to the person on the receiving end and to the relationship. We see the role of healthy boundaries and what happens when we feel the desire for a new relationship or try again with the present one.
People in healthy relationships live longer and have fewer health issues. We are also made for deep relationships. Trust is essential. It is freeing. Yet we may be vulnerable to deception. When it happens, we lose trust. Hurt, guilt and withdrawal result.
Boundaries and what they accomplish are reviewed. Often a boundary will cause the reemergence of desire. Townsend explains healthy and unhealthy responses to such desires.
Part 2 addresses knowing when your ready to open up again.
Relational wounds need to heal so we can carry on with life again. Friends help. Counseling may be necessary. Townsend helps us review the painful relationship and gain insight from it. He writes, "My goal for you is that you will be enlightened and empowered to choose people who are both good and good for you."
Grieving is essential for moving on. "Grief is what enables you to fully let go. It frees you, it clears your mind, and it helps heal the injuries. You must grieve what was.
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful By E. White on September 11, 2012
Format: Hardcover
Here is a book for those who have already "set boundaries" for themselves -- who have learned to overcome destructive and codependent behavior at least in part -- and who want to reconnect with others.

You may know how to "stay away" from hurt and pain, how to put up the protective walls when necessary. But what's not so clear, sometimes, is how to let people back in AFTER you've been wounded. That's a whole other process, one that can be even more difficult than learning to set boundaries in the first place. But it's absolutely essential to forming the deep relationships without which we are barely even human. This book charts a path out of the "walled city."

Check out the table of contents -- in itself, it's almost a primer in forging new relationships.

Part 1: Understanding the Problem
1. The Draw to Relationship
2. The Damage Arrives
3. Boundaries and What They Accomplish
4. The Return of Desire

Part 2. Knowing When You're Ready
5. You Admit the Hurt and Receive Support
6. You Understand Your Own Past Choices
7. You Can Connect the Dots
8. You Grieve and Let It Go
9. You Develop Growth Friendships
10. You Trust Your Defining Boundaries
11. You Let Your Values Transform Your Desires
12. You Know Which Risks Are Worth Taking and Which Are Not

Part 3. Knowing When the Other Person Is Ready
13. Does This Person Care About His or Her Impact on You
14. Is This Person (Really) Connect to Good People
15. Can This Person Handle a Relationship with You
16. For Dating and Marriage: Does This Person Go Beyond Passion?
17. Is the Big Problem Being Solved the Right Way/

Part 4. Moving Into the Relationship
18. The Talk You Must Have
19.
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