Melody Beattie's ground-breaking works have provided millions of people with tools to free themselves from the ingrained attitudes and patterns that keep them from making the most of their lives. In Beyond Codependency, Beattie maps out the steps necessary to begin living authentically. They include:
*Learning to accept and deal with the recycling of old behavior patterns *Incorporating positive affirmations into thinking *Finding and nurturing healthy relationships *Unleashing the healing power of gratitude *Overcoming feelings of guilt and shame *Improving relationships with children
The author speaks from personal experience of recovery, offering useful suggestions that reinforce the value and power of living one day at a time.
Adult children of alcoholics and drug abusers will want to peruse this encouraging sequel to Beattie's groundbreaking book on the dynamics of codependency ( Codependent No More ). She focuses here on the process of recovering from the self-defeating behaviors adopted as survival tactics by adult children of families rendered dysfunctional by parental alcoholism or similar traumas. Beattie's strength is short, sharply delineated portraits of ordinary people learning to recognize and avoid unhealthy practices--obsessive concern for the welfare of others at one's own expense, lack of self-esteem, etc. The author stresses the practical, offering possible ways to cope with difficulties and suggesting "activities" ("What would a diagram of your recovery look like?") at the end of each chapter. And Beattie maintains the sensitive, supportive tone epitomized in the opening chapter: "Let's love ourselves for how far we've come. Let's see how far we can go." The uninitiated may be put off initially by her jargon, but the author's wisdom and common sense soon become apparent. 175,000 first printing; $125,000 ad/promo; author tour. Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From Library Journal
Codependency is a term applying not only to the spouses of alcoholics and drug abusers, but to any "person who has let someone else's behavior affect him or her, and is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior." In her best-selling Codependent No More , and now here, Beattie draws on her own experience and on the insights developed by a whole U.S. subculture devoted to treatment and to participation in 12-step programs such as AA and Al-Anon. There are a lot of books circulating in this subculture, but Beattie reaches out to the mass market. She covers the usual codependency topics--oneself and one's needs, family of origin, intimacy, boundaries, conflict resolution, children, relationships, and relapse or recycle--but places them all in the infrequently considered context of how to keep going with a recovery process once it's begun. - Janice Dunham, John Jay Coll. Lib., New York Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Melody Beattie is one of America's most beloved self-help authors and a household name in addiction and recovery circles. Her international bestselling book, Codependent No More, introduced the world to the term "codependency" in 1986. Millions of readers have trusted Melody's words of wisdom and guidance because she knows firsthand what they're going through. In her lifetime, she has survived abandonment, kidnapping, sexual abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, divorce, and the death of a child. "Beattie understands being overboard, which helps her throw bestselling lifelines to those still adrift," said Time Magazine.
Melody was born in St. Paul, Minnesota in 1948. Her father left home when she was a toddler, and she was raised by her mother. She was abducted by a stranger at age four. Although she was rescued the same day, the incident set the tone for a childhood of abuse, and she was sexually abused by a neighbor throughout her youth. Her mother turned a blind eye, just as she had denied the occurrence of abuse in her own past.
"My mother was a classic codependent," Melody recalls. "If she had a migraine, she wouldn't take an aspirin because she didn't do drugs. She believed in suffering." Unlike her mother, Melody was determined to self-medicate her emotional pain. Beattie began drinking at age 12, was a full-blown alcoholic by age 13, and a junkie by 18, even as she graduated from high school with honors. She ran with a crowd called "The Minnesota Mafia" who robbed pharmacies to get drugs. After several arrests, a judge mandated that she had to "go to treatment for as long as it takes or go to jail."
Melody continued to score drugs in treatment until a spiritual epiphany transformed her. "I was on the lawn smoking dope when the world turned this purplish color. Everything looked connected--like a Monet painting. It wasn't a hallucination; it was what the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous calls 'a spiritual awakening.' Until then, I'd felt entitled to use drugs. I finally realized that if I put half as much energy into doing the right thing as I had into doing wrong, I could do anything," Beattie said.
After eight months of treatment, Melody left the hospital clean and sober, ready to take on new goals: helping others get sober, and getting married and having a family of her own. She married a former alcoholic who was also a prominent and respected counselor and had two children with him. Although she had stopped drinking and using drugs, she found herself sinking in despair. She discovered that her husband wasn't sober; he'd been drinking and lying about it since before their marriage.
During her work with the spouses of addicts at a treatment center, she realized the problems that had led to her alcoholism were still there. Her pain wasn't about her husband or his drinking; it was about her. There wasn't a word for codependency yet. While Melody didn't coin the term codependency, she became passionate about the subject. What was this thing we were doing to ourselves?
Driven into the ground financially by her husband's alcoholism, Melody turned a life-long passion for writing into a career in journalism, writing about the issues that had consumed her for years. Her 24-year writing career has produced fifteen books published in twenty languages and hundreds of newspaper and magazine articles. She has been a frequent guest on many national television shows, including Oprah. She and her books continue to be featured regularly in national publications including Time, People, and most major periodicals around the world.
Although it almost destroyed her when her twelve-year-old son Shane died in a ski accident in 1991, eventually Melody picked up the pieces of her life again. "I wanted to die, but I kept waking up alive," she says. She began skydiving, mountain-climbing, and teaching others what she'd learned about grief.
Once Melody Beattie's Codependent No More has been "digested", Beyond Codependency helps to move the recovering codependent past the hurt and on to the business of literally changing behaviors and making a better life. I absolutely recommend this book above any others to recovering codependents.
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This is Melody Beattie's second book and is the sequel to the hugely successful CODEPENDENT NO MORE. If it was the job of the first book to introduce that word - "codependent" - then it is the job of this book to elaborate on the condition and what we are supposed to do with our lives once we are no longer afflicted by it. The result, of course, is that this book does not have quite the "sway" that the first book does. But it is still worth reading if you are a fan of Beattie or are interested in this topic.
A lot of insults have been hurled at the concept of "codependent" over the last several years, and I suspect that most of it has to do with the fuzzy definition of the word itself, and the somewhat "vague" nature of recovery from this condition. In other words, you know an alcoholic has "recovered" when they stop drinking, a drug addict has recovered when they stop taking drugs, a kleptomaniac has recovered when they stop stealing, and so on. . . . But what exactly is a codependent and how do you know when you have recovered from it? What *observable affects* can be measured? Basically, a "codependent" is a person who believes their happiness lies in another person and then becomes obsessed with controlling that other person. That is the definition Beattie provides in her first book, and if you weren't satisfied with that definition or explanation, then you won't be satisfied with this book either. BEYOND CODEPENDENCY is geared toward people who have accepted the author's premise, and who are ready to follow her toward her description of what recovery means. The author indicates that one knows they have recovered from codependency when they stop seeking for approval in others and are content with their own appraisals of their self-worth.
Suffice it to say that this is not exactly "scientific" in that it cannot be observed and replicated in a lab, and even I, a lover of Beattie's work for years, still find the whole category a little fuzzy and am not sure if it is the main problem to be focused on (I believe "codependency" is only one aspect of other more vital issues, and is not the main issue itself). But this book is uplifting and I find Melody Beattie inspiring. If you enjoyed her first book, and you enjoy books that feel supportive in a rhetorical sense, then you will probably enjoy this book.
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Wonderful book. It pointed out so many things that I wasn't aware were co-dependant issues that I have. Helped put the answers of why I do the things I do that for so long I lacked. She helps you no longer feel alone. Good book for anyone who is ready to face this and stop it.
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