Customer Reviews

Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time

5 star:		(16)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Once Melody Beattie's Codependent No More has been "digested", Beyond Codependency helps to move the recovering codependent past the hurt and on to the business of literally changing behaviors and making a better life. I absolutely recommend this book above any others to recovering codependents.

This is Melody Beattie's second book and is the sequel to the hugely successful CODEPENDENT NO MORE. If it was the job of the first book to introduce that word - "codependent" - then it is the job of this book to elaborate on the condition and what we are supposed to do with our lives once we are no longer afflicted by it. The result, of course, is that this book does not have quite the "sway" that the first book does. But it is still worth reading if you are a fan of Beattie or are interested in this topic.

A lot of insults have been hurled at the concept of "codependent" over the last several years, and I suspect that most of it has to do with the fuzzy definition of the word itself, and the somewhat "vague" nature of recovery from this condition. In other words, you know an alcoholic has "recovered" when they stop drinking, a drug addict has recovered when they stop taking drugs, a kleptomaniac has recovered when they stop stealing, and so on. . . . But what exactly is a codependent and how do you know when you have recovered from it? What *observable affects* can be measured? Basically, a "codependent" is a person who believes their happiness lies in another person and then becomes obsessed with controlling that other person. That is the definition Beattie provides in her first book, and if you weren't satisfied with that definition or explanation, then you won't be satisfied with this book either. BEYOND CODEPENDENCY is geared toward people who have accepted the author's premise, and who are ready to follow her toward her description of what recovery means. The author indicates that one knows they have recovered from codependency when they stop seeking for approval in others and are content with their own appraisals of their self-worth.

Suffice it to say that this is not exactly "scientific" in that it cannot be observed and replicated in a lab, and even I, a lover of Beattie's work for years, still find the whole category a little fuzzy and am not sure if it is the main problem to be focused on (I believe "codependency" is only one aspect of other more vital issues, and is not the main issue itself). But this book is uplifting and I find Melody Beattie inspiring. If you enjoyed her first book, and you enjoy books that feel supportive in a rhetorical sense, then you will probably enjoy this book.

Wonderful book. It pointed out so many things that I wasn't aware were co-dependant issues that I have. Helped put the answers of why I do the things I do that for so long I lacked. She helps you no longer feel alone. Good book for anyone who is ready to face this and stop it.

While I have not read the author's other works, I thought this a very valuable book in and of itself. It sheds much light on the topic and helped me to become sensitized to the (once the book was read) obvious signs of codependency in people. By doing this, it enabled me to avoid situations where I could become codependent in a relationship. I think that, as in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, there are levels of psychological situations and/or problems. Thus, there may be people inherently inclined towards codependency, but there may also be people who are thrust into it due to the demands of others. The latter may find this book incredibly helpful in avoiding such relationships and in helping their dependent person seek real help vs. codependency from another person. There are also a number of great quotes by the author in this book. A few are:

p. 70: "It's hard to feel compassion for someone while that person is using or victimizing us."

p. 71: "If everything looks black, we've probably got our eyes shut."

p. 164: "Who we're in a relationship with says as much about us as it does about them."
Earnie Tucker (quoted by Melody Beattie)

Codependency is not something to make light of, it's as much (if not more) the codependent's problem as the dependent's. As Caroline Casey humorously noted in "Making the Gods Work for You" (Harmony Books NY 1998), on page 72:
"What do codependents see when they die? Someone else's life flashes before their eyes."

The truth of the matter is:

We don't want to hear it and we make any excuse to deny it. This book is a denial killer!

I have been in recovery for years and let me just tell you, Beattie is right on top of the root problem. No matter who reads the words, the truth is loud and clear. I would recommend this item to anyone having problems with any relationship.

You don't need to be a doctor or a shrink to see the writing on the wall. Beattie spells it out and even if you don't agree, it will open your mind to change. Worth every penny spent!

This book explains to us that, unfortunately we are not in our relationships just for the sake of "love". There is a lot more that explains why we are together with the people we are together with. It tells us about he "Hows" and "Whys" of ourselves and our relationships. It is painful to learn these things, but learning these things is the only way we can shed our next layer of skin and more on with our personal development. If you are in tune with your real self, many of these things the authors says in this book will click inside. If you'd like another great book on this topic, I suggest you read "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato. It is even better in the way it explains the patterns we develop both in our minds and in our relationships. I'm sure you will love it if you like to really learn about relationships.

As an adult child of an alcoholic, and recently divorced from an abusive (codependent) marriage, I have heard the word "codependent" tossed around more than a few times with marriage counselors and therapists. I thought I was way beyond that. I actually ordered the book to gain insight into a friend of mine's issues (is that codependancy or what?) and found myself time and time again among the pages. It opened my eyes to behaviors and dysfunctional relationship issues that I was still repeating. WOW. I really understand what codependency is and even though I was not married to an alcoholic, I was truly in an awful abusive codependent controlling relationship and I will never do that again.
I have so many pages that I have underlined and dog-eared, and you can bet I will keep that book out to read and re-read often. Amazing.
Now that my eyes have been opened I can learn and grow and become a strong and independent person and find healthy functional relationships where I can truly be me and let the other person be them. This book is a must read for anyone in a codependent relationship!

I've been a counselor for a good number of years and I have often recommended this book for individuals who desire healthier relationships where you can respect others and take care of yourself as well.

Melody Beattie's follow up to Codependent No More does not disappoint. I love it. It has fantastic stories and helpful strategies to live a happier life. I love this author.

Beattie scores again with this self-help book. This is more in-depth than her first book, "Codependent No More," and is for those of us who have moved past the beginning steps of our recovery.

Non-Christian Note: The one and only thing that put me off about this book was the constant references to religion. Yes, she says that any form of spirituality is accepted and acceptable for recovering, but when reading her book you can easily tell which one she prefers.