Customer Reviews

Beyond Consequences, Logic, & Control, Volume 2

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

This book should get 10 stars!
I feel adoptive parents everywhere should read this book and Vol 1 with the same title, as a prerequisite to adoption. I felt let down by our agency ( although it's not their personal fault) almost 2 years after our first adoption when I found this information. ALL adoptive families should know and understand the Stress Model, and the effects of trauma on the developing mind.(Before bringing their child (ren) home if possible!!) There is just a world of information, science, and stories from families who have used it and seen healing. I highly recomend the book, the model, the author. I cannot say thank you Heather enough for the work you do for families. I am now a certified instructor with BCI but most of all 'just a parent' to 8 wonderful children, 4 who were adopted, and 1 'step'. I do not normally catagorize my children, but I just wanted to let you know, I am here in the trenches. I own and have read at least 40 books on these topics. THIS ONE is the one that opened my mind and world to change...
Buy it Read it Live it

I loved the first book, and didn't realize how much new content this new volume would contain. I have loved applying these concepts to my parenting the last year or two, and the new revelations from this volume have been huge for me!

I have been able to apply these principles and research to my daily life and see changes in my daughter and in our relationship! I especially have grown by understanding the power of our subconscious thoughts and the "truths" we created in the past and how we unknowingly bring those feelings and responses into current situations, until we can recognize them and separate them from today's responses.

Not only has this helped me understand and respond to my daughter, but I have been able to challenge many of my past responses and thoughts- making me a better mom and even a better wife. My husband and I continue to revisit the pages of this book as we are growing and learning how to parent from a place of love versus fear!

I have recommended this book to many parents! Stick with these concepts- it is a whole new way of thinking that requires re-training your automated responses--- SO WORTH EVERY BIT OF EFFORT WHEN YOU SEE YOUR CHILDREN AND FAMILY BEGIN TO OVERCOME AND THRIVE- TOGETHER!

I wish there was a way for every adoptive family to learn this parenting style, but this book and vol. 1 are for any family dealing with severe behaviors. They address many behaviors, and teach you how to increase your stress "window" (your ability to handle stress) as well as your struggling child's. I wish I had known these principles when my mother was angry and frightened before she died two years ago. We have two daughters adopted from China, and were seeing a downward spiral in behavior in one of them. We were using a traditional method of parenting consisting of punishment and consequences which had worked fine with our five bio children, but things only got worse. Our precious girl was so stressed that she could barely face a day. After several months of using the Beyond Consequences approach we now have joy and peace (for the most part). Our daughter now feels safer, and talks to us about her struggles! Childhood trauma never goes away, but it can be healed to a great extent. I really cannot believe the change in our home. I pray for wisdom nearly every day, and these books were just a miracle for me. My husband and I are also taking the Beyond Consequences Institute online parenting class now, and it really helps us to stay on track with using this approach. Highly, Highly recommended!!

These techniques work!! You will not believe how fast you can start to see small changes. We didn't even realize how MUCH better everything was until our therapist asked us a few questions. This, like Volume 1 is a MUST read for every adoptive and foster parent. However, I'm also getting ready to try a few of the techniques with our biological daughter, and I'm already convinced it will work. Try the techniques in Vol 1 & 2 for a few weeks & you will be absolutely AMAZED!!

I can't even imagine the place that my family would be if not for Heather and Beyond Consequences. 5 years ago we adopted a 5 and 7 yr.old from Ukraine who spoke no English whatsoever. The first few months were magical--- and then the reality set in, and no one had prepared us for the severe tantrums, physical violence, defiance and other extreme behaviors from our sweet children. Other books, programs, even counselors were tried and failed. They were out of control, and we were were about out of our minds. We learned about Heather's first book, along with Brian Post almost by accident. We reluctantly attended a seminar, and the last 3 years have been difficult, but we had to completely change the way we parented, and the way we thought about parenting. That in itself was by far the most difficult and challenging process. But as we were learning and understanding, our kids were healing and their extreme behaviors were decreasing. It was almost miraculous how well they would respond to our "new" skills. We all still have our moments, and our children are not perfect-- and we are by far imperfect parents-- but if these paradigms did not work for you at first, hang in there. You'll probably refer back to them later. I think EVERY parent can benefit by these books and learning better and more effective ways to parent. And it's never too late to start, but I will warn you-- the more ingrained your current ideology is about parenting and handling your children as well as yourself, the more difficult it will be to work through and apply the Stress Model. But it's not corny-- real love does conquer all. It just doesn't win without a fight.

Better then the first book. Heather has been researching the issues children face and has even more helpful information in Vol. 2 It's a must buy for those seeking help and those already using Vol. 1

It's easy to question the BCI approach but over time with consistent use the results show for themselves. What wont work is trying this approach for a week and giving up. It will take time.

People who say everything else has failed will understand WHY everything else has failed after they've read this book.

I wish I would have read this four years ago. This is scientifically backed and more importantly Bible based. My home is well on its way back to being the nuturing peaceful place it once was.

I have worked with children with severe emotional and behavioral disorders for 15 years. I was hoping this book would add to my bag of tricks. After reading about Erin whose mother's response to her cutting was to sit with her as she did it and Sasha whose parents response to him beating his brother in the woods with a rock was to say we are sorry you feel so unsafe with your siblings (what about the kid who was beat?), I realized this book was not for me. I believe all children need unconditional love also but that does not mean there are not consequences (logical and natural) for their actions. Wow! And not in a good way!

I wish, when I was a little girl, that my parents would have been able to read a copy of this book. I am absolutely positive if they would have been able to parent in this manner, treat themselves and each other with unconditional love, that all of our lives would have been better by miles.

I know they did the best they could. But if they'd had these tools (what the Beyond Consequences Institute teaches) I know there would have been a lot less darkness, heartache and loss in our lives.

I have attended four of Heather's in person events this year:

1. "Beyond Consequences Live" - free with a copy of any of her 3 books in November

2. "Every Day is Mothers Day" - A healing conference just for moms - twice; once in May & once in October

3. "Intensive 2 Day Training" - for parents and professionals, in July

I have also attended her 11 week live online course 3 times, and every time I hear her speak I learn something new or change some limiting belief or gain some new understanding. All I can say is, this woman is the most inspiring, intelligent, motivating parent I know and that anyone, be they parent or professional, dealing with children who have difficult behaviors for any reason (medical trauma, emotional trauma, etc) should do themselves a favor and get this book. It unlocks the door in your mind to seeing things in a new way. It gives you the ability to create opportunities for you and your family to heal. It gives you the capability to love yourself and each other unconditionally.

In fact, after almost 15 years of no contact with my younger brother (who, after their divorce, was given over by my parents into the foster care system and bounced around from home to home until he was shipped off to a group home thousands of miles away) I have been able to have a healing conversation with him and love and accept him as my brother again. That first conversation just a few weeks ago that I had on the phone with him, at 32 years old, would have been impossible for me if I had not immersed myself in Heather's work.

I have more love in my life, for myself, my family and my fellow humans than I ever thought I would be capable of, as a child of trauma myself, having been diagnosed as bipolar and depressed in the past. When I became a mom, and especially when my daughter hit the "terrible twos" I became a monster in moments of stress.

The information in this book (and Heather's other books) radically altered the course of my life. As another reviewer eloquently said - "miracles!"

I thank God every day for Heather's work. She truly is working miracles in people's lives, changing the lives of more people in the world than she will ever know. Now my whole family is dedicated to helping others to get and use this information to help change their lives for the better too.

Just Google "Dare To Love Tour" to see what I mean. That is how strongly I feel about this information.

Dare To Love!

Andrea =)