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Beyond Good Intentions: A Mother Reflects On Raising Internationally Adopted Children Hardcover – August 1, 2005

ISBN-13: 978-1597430005 ISBN-10: 1597430005

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 183 pages
  • Publisher: Yeong & Yeong (August 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1597430005
  • ISBN-13: 978-1597430005
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 5.3 x 7.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #630,382 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

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I would recommend this book for anyone adopting, domestic or internationally.
M. Castleberry
Cheri Register has written a very honest and thought-provoking book, dismantling a lot of the common misconceptions and stereotypes about international adoption.
S. Johnsen
I read this book hoping to learn some things about how to raise my adoptive daughter better.
Mother of four

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

51 of 55 people found the following review helpful By Susan Johnston on July 21, 2005
Format: Hardcover
Cheri Register does not cushion her advice for the comfort of international adoptive parents - instead, she focuses on what we need to know to help our children grow strong. Some of her advice and insights are not easy to accept or pleasant to hear, but I am grateful for her help in arming me to help our two internationally adopted children. They may not now have, and may never have, the reactions and feelings that she describes, but if they do at least I will have some sense of where they are coming from - which is a place I know nothing about from my own life history. All too many of us cannot see beyond our adoration of our children to their unique needs, and Ms. Register's book strives to help us over that huge blind spot. This book is one of a handful that people thinking about adopting transracially/internationally or who have already done so should have on their shelves to consult again and again.
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47 of 51 people found the following review helpful By Eun Mi on July 23, 2005
Format: Hardcover
Cheri Register's new book is a must-have for all APs, and fellow adoptees would definitely find their voice here as well. One of the problems I've found, when reading books offering advice by APs, is that the wisdom of adult adoptees tend to be invisibilized. Cheri manages to incorporate our voices, while respectfully refraining from speaking FOR us.

The book should be read by all prospective and parents of young children. The wisdom gained, even if not used immediately, is essential.

This is the one book, by an AP, that I would have no hesitation in recommending!

Eun Mi

Adult korean adoptee
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99 of 113 people found the following review helpful By Indigo A. W. Willing on January 12, 2006
Format: Hardcover
Cheri Register is the mother of two adult daughters who were adopted as infants from Korea in the 1980s and the author of several books. Her latest offering, Beyond Good Intentions: A Mother Reflects on Raising International Adopted Children (Register 2005), consists of eleven of her own short personal essays on transnational adoptive parenting. Issues such as how to approach the topic of birth parents, the effects of racism and ways to foster multiculturalism are tackled with great passion.

Part memoir and part lecture, the promotional website states it "is a coffee table book of a different sort: a diary-sized volume to keep handy and read as you sip your coffee". But who is it that you are you having coffee with? Register is clearly well educated, an articulate but accessible writer, and of a cosmopolitan, middle-class disposition. She is also well traveled, including time spent working in Scandinavia, and visiting Korea on "homeland" trips and visiting international adoption conferences. Another feature of her background that is worth noting is that she is Caucasian, and it is a predominantly White, middle-class audience that her book aims to reach. Adoptive parents of non-white backgrounds may find this book far less useful, and at times, loaded with assumptions that they cannot connect with.

Register does offer a rare insight into one self-described "well-meaning" mother's process of trying to sign post and recognize unintentional derogatory and offensive behavior by her and other adoptive parents. Her style is bold although at times this works against her. The assertiveness she applies risks suggesting that racist, ignorant and offensive behaviour by adoptive parents is almost inevitable.
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24 of 25 people found the following review helpful By S. Johnsen on September 20, 2005
Format: Hardcover
Cheri Register has written a very honest and thought-provoking book, dismantling a lot of the common misconceptions and stereotypes about international adoption. She has the courage to highlight even the difficult issues involved, and shows that even the best intentions might have harmful consequences. Her point of view as an adoptive parent of adult children, gives her message credibility and weight, while her frequent references to adult adoptees' perspective, proves that she is willing to look at adoption also from the angle of those whose lives are the most affected by international adoption.

I would like to see this book being mandatory reading for all prospective adoptive parents, and even more, I hope this group would be able to read and take in the message without feeling defensive.
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23 of 25 people found the following review helpful By C. Nelson on July 18, 2005
Format: Hardcover
I am a young woman who was adopted as a child from Korea, and I highly, highly recommend this book. It will undoubtedly strike a few nerves whether you are an adoptee or adoptive parent, and I think that its usefulness lies precisely in its ability to make you re-examine yourself. Cheri's caricatures are eye-opening and are both painful and humorous at times.

I firmly believe that evaluating new information concerning any part of life is necessary for growth as a person even if you end up disagreeing with it. If we only read what we want to tell ourselves, are we really learning? While reading this book the conversations I had along the way with myself and others has helped me verbalize some of my feelings about my adoption story, and it would have done the same had I disagreed with its main points. It provided very useful context for adoption, race, and community issues as well.

The fact that Cheri Register's information comes from adoptees themselves should be cause for more attention and merit, not less. The fact that some distressed adult adoptees exist is further evidence that a book such as this is extremely necessary. I am sure that "online complainers" are not the only ones who find her book to be compelling and useful- I fully endorse it as an adult woman who is very involved in many communities, who graduated near the top of her class from an excellent university, and who doesn't spend her time grieving that life is not a bowl full of cherries.

I can only hope that many others will choose to read this book, discuss it, and learn from its wisdom.
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