Beyond The Myth of Marital Happiness [Paperback]

Blaine J. Fowers Ph.D. (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 0787945676 | ISBN-13: 978-0787945671 | Publication Date: August 1, 2000 | Edition: 1

According to psychologist Blaine Fowers, the myth of marital happiness-that good communication, emotional gratification, and intimacy result in a healthy relationship-has made marriages more fragile than ever before and we must let it go. Does this mean that we should give up on love, satisfaction, intimacy, emotional support, good communication, and good sex in marriage? That marriage must be continued solely on the basis of grim commitment? That no one should divorce? Not at all. Instead, Dr. Fowers shows how we can re-envision marriage as a wonderful opportunity to practice the virtues of friendship, loyalty, generosity, and justice in the shared pursuit of our deepest ideals.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Fowers's inspiring new approach to marriage may well provide the missing link in our struggle to rebuild and fortify the flagging institution of marriage. All couples--from starry-eyed newlyweds to those about to throw in the towel--should take turns reading this book aloud to each other." --Diane Sollee, founder and director, Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education

"At last we have a book that sets forth the true basis for Anduring marriages. It moves beyond the psychobabble about emotional payoff and beyond even today's panacea of 'communication' to describe real marriage as a partnership directed toward ends good in themselves." --Robert N. Bellah, professor of sociology, emeritus, University of California Berkeley, coauthor, The Good Society

"I've read a lot of books, for a lot of years, about a lot of theories pertaining to marriage. But none of them have come close to capturing the beauty, lyrical quality, and profound truth of this book. This book is different from all the rest. The truth shines out from it." --Philip Cushman, author, Constructing the Self, Constructing America

From the Inside Flap

It's time to question the widespread consensus that good communication, emotional gratification, and intimacy are the essential elements of good marriages. In this controversial and yet inspirational book, psychologist Blaine Fowers challenges this powerful myth, offering couples a new vision of marital partnership that is grounded in a richer understanding of vibrant lifelong marriages.Dr. Fowers, a noted relationship expert, reveals that the best marriages are partnerships in which the spouses are devoted to creating a shared life. Using real-life examples from thriving relationships, he shows how spouses can create deeply meaningful partnerships devoted to mutual goals such as raising children, contributing to the life of their community, and maintaining family or religious traditions. Couples not only flourish as they engage in worthwhile activities together, but as they extend themselves beyond their own gratification they also gain strength from their extended families and their communities. Beyond the Myth is filled with suggestions spouses can use to develop the traits or virtues-including friendship, loyalty, self-restraint, courage, generosity, and justice-that can bring this vision to life. Dr. Fowers' original ideas and practical, uplifting advice shows how couples can more fully capture the beauty and goodness that are available in almost all marriages.Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness is written for people who want to participate in the wonder and depth of a long-term partnership, improve their own character, and develop the richness and vitality that may be dormant in their relationships for creating a loving and lasting marriage. Discover the Deeper Meaning of Marriage in the Virtues and Joysof Long-Term Partnership. According to psychologist Blaine Fowers, the myth of marital happiness-that good communication, emotional gratification, and intimacy result in a healthy relationship-has made marriages more fragile than ever before.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass; 1 edition (August 1, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0787945676
• ISBN-13: 978-0787945671
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,272,336 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

17 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Less Romantic, More Functional Angle, December 27, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Beyond The Myth of Marital Happiness (Paperback)

This is the first relationship book I've read that approaches the popular view of marriage as cultural myth. Our myth says that two people meet, "fall in love", then marry based on this feeling, and with the anticipation of marriage being basically a happy extension of dating, forever. With this unrealistic view of marriage, it's not surprising so few marriages last.

Dr. Fowers sees successful marriage as more than two people's ability to make each other happy. He sees marriage as a partnership where two people practice being their best selves, and work together for some worthy cause such as raising children well, promoting a cause, or supporting the arts. The book states that the four virtues necessary for a good marriage are friendship, loyalty, generosity, and justice. He defines each in detail. He goes beyond "good communication skills" as a foundation for a solid marriage. It's not as fun to read about a working partnership as it is to anticipate lifelong emotional bliss, but this view of marriage seems much more realistic and workable. He barely touches on why we choose the person we do, and sex is barely mentioned at all, again distinguishing this book from most others in the genre.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Thought Provoking and Wise, February 12, 2003

By 

Mary Martinson - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Beyond The Myth of Marital Happiness (Paperback)

This book resonates truth like no other marriage book I've read (and I've read many). Marriages haven't worked in our culture because we have made feelings the primary judge of their quality. How liberating it is to realize that marriage is so much bigger, so much more valuable than any fickle feelings either individual might have. This book has completely changed my perspective and my marriage. I recommend this book to anyone who loves his/her spouse but feels generally unfulfilled or disappointed with marriage.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Down to earth good sense, November 12, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Beyond The Myth of Marital Happiness (Paperback)

The is the only book I've seen where somebody admits that character counts in marriage and that love is sustained by working on meaningful projects--like parenting, for example--together. His angle is refreshingly subversive in a culture where most therapists discuss negotiating rights and communication skills. All that is good, but this book brings out the basics that are not fashionable to mention. Dr Fowers is the kind of guy I wish lived nearby; he comes across warm, humble and smart.