Customer Reviews

Beyond The Myth of Marital Happiness

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This is the first relationship book I've read that approaches the popular view of marriage as cultural myth. Our myth says that two people meet, "fall in love", then marry based on this feeling, and with the anticipation of marriage being basically a happy extension of dating, forever. With this unrealistic view of marriage, it's not surprising so few marriages last.

Dr. Fowers sees successful marriage as more than two people's ability to make each other happy. He sees marriage as a partnership where two people practice being their best selves, and work together for some worthy cause such as raising children well, promoting a cause, or supporting the arts. The book states that the four virtues necessary for a good marriage are friendship, loyalty, generosity, and justice. He defines each in detail. He goes beyond "good communication skills" as a foundation for a solid marriage. It's not as fun to read about a working partnership as it is to anticipate lifelong emotional bliss, but this view of marriage seems much more realistic and workable. He barely touches on why we choose the person we do, and sex is barely mentioned at all, again distinguishing this book from most others in the genre.

This book resonates truth like no other marriage book I've read (and I've read many). Marriages haven't worked in our culture because we have made feelings the primary judge of their quality. How liberating it is to realize that marriage is so much bigger, so much more valuable than any fickle feelings either individual might have. This book has completely changed my perspective and my marriage. I recommend this book to anyone who loves his/her spouse but feels generally unfulfilled or disappointed with marriage.

The is the only book I've seen where somebody admits that character counts in marriage and that love is sustained by working on meaningful projects--like parenting, for example--together. His angle is refreshingly subversive in a culture where most therapists discuss negotiating rights and communication skills. All that is good, but this book brings out the basics that are not fashionable to mention. Dr Fowers is the kind of guy I wish lived nearby; he comes across warm, humble and smart.