Though it may seem that life can’t change much more after your first child, many parents are in for a shock when they realize having another does not merely mean ordering two Happy Meals instead of one. In the words of Alice Walker, “With one you can move. With more than one you’re a sitting duck.” Beyond One is for parents with growing families what Anne Lamott’s Operating Instructions is for the novice. Most parenting books are written for first-timers, yet the addition of a second or third child raises wholly different concerns. Already proficient parents no longer need to read about baby care. They’re worried about sibling rivalry, and also about themselves. How, they wonder, will having another affect my marriage, work, and friendships? Will I have enough love for two? How will I manage them? Will I ever get my old body back now that I’m buying family-size everything and have so little time to exercise? And what about sex? In Beyond One, Jennifer Bingham Hull chronicles the first three years of life with two children, providing tips, insights, and plenty of comic relief for parents who not only want to grow a family, but get a life.
I've been a writer for more than 20 years, reporting on everything from business to foreign affairs. If you'd told me earlier that my first book would be Beyond One: Growing a Family and Getting a Life, I would have been shocked. I wasn't even sure I wanted kids!
But after having my first daughter, I started writing articles about parenting. As a new mom, it was great to get expert advice on childcare issues. By my second pregnancy, however, my concerns had changed. Now adept in baby care, my questions were more personal and profound. I'd learned that children change your life. Who would I be, not only as a mother, but as a wife, writer, woman and friend -- beyond one?
I was still pondering this question when our second daughter arrived, and I went into that bubble mothers occupy until the baby sleeps through the night. Emerging a few months later, my attitude again differed from when I'd had my first. As a new mother, I'd spent every free minute reading parenting manuals. When my second baby dozed off, I picked up a self-help book.
Opening it I read, 'Where do you want to be in five years?' Five years? Between marrying, having the first child, buying a house and having baby number two, I was coming to the end of one very busy five-year plan. But lately, I hadn't been able to think ahead more than 24 hours. It felt luxurious to even consider the long term. Self-help for the mother of a baby and a toddler. What a concept! Immediately an old goal resurfaced: I wanted to write a book.
The busy mother of two, I hoped this dream would go away. It didn't. So I followed the guide's advice and posted an index card by my computer. It said: 'Write Book.'
Yet what to write about? I couldn't relate anymore to the single woman of my unfinished memoir who traveled light. My old notes for a book on 'child-free' women made me laugh.
Then it hit me. Motherhood offered the perfect subject, providing a chance to examine universal themes, marital issues, and men and women's changing roles. Unlike when I'd reported in Nicaragua, I no longer had to seek out the rebels. They now occupied my house. I even had a love story, though with small children it wasn't always romantic.
I started taking notes. Made by the baby bath, many got wet. Then, one day, two miracles occurred: my husband fixed our kitchen faucet and a book editor called.
The editor had read an essay I'd written about having the second child and was interested in a book on the topic. I was amazed. The essay was a short piece I'd written for a small magazine -- an attempt to keep writing as a busy mother. I could just as easily not have written it.
I was excited about the idea for Beyond One, especially after doing some research and learning how life changing the second baby is. As one study noted, 'It's the second child who changes everything.' The second baby, not the first, leads women to cut their work hours or to stay home. The second child brings Dad into the family but can also test a marriage. And it's the second who puts you firmly in a kiddie world.
Writing about life after the second child allowed me to address a sophisticated, dynamic audience. My readers' lives are in flux, making them open to new ideas. Experienced as parents, they bring a lot of insights to our exchanges. I've learned as much from women who've read Beyond One as they have from me.
Publishing Beyond One also taught me the power of small actions. I've written mostly for big publications like The Wall Street Journal, Time and The Atlantic Monthly. Then, trying to keep connected to my profession after my second child's birth, I wrote a short essay for a small magazine and got a book contract that allowed me to realize a dream. Without those wet, messy notes, I couldn't have chronicled life with two.
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