Customer Reviews

Beyond Reason

5 star:		(33)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I recently finished reading "Beyond Reason" by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro. The book is centered on an idea that emotions play an important role in negotiations and provided an analytical view on how to best manage the emotional side of negotiations. While I was aware that emotions can have a big impact on a negotiation, or even a conversation, I really enjoyed the perspective that the authors offered on dealing with people who "abuse" the power of emotions, ranging from coercion by threat to playing on sympathy.

Although the advice of the authors was generally helpful, I sometimes questioned practicality of following the guidelines in day-to-day affairs. For example, the authors encouraged the readers to document and discuss each of the negotiations as part of constant learning process, often spending sixty to ninety minutes in follow up discussions. As a manager of a development team with frequent meetings, such analysis would put a significant damper on my productivity. However, I realize that the book is not intended to be followed as a "manual" and each person may have to make practical adjustments.

Overall, the book is a "must read" for everyone, not just frequent negotiators. In the book, I found a lot of advice on how to respect the emotions that govern the meeting in many different settings. Since I learn best from seeing complex concepts in action, the case study that concluded the book put a neat "bow" on a very enjoyable and valuable read.

As an attorney this book has altered the way I argue my cases. It has given me insight into the negotiation process in a different way than any other book I have read on negotiation. The five core concerns have helped me when I talk with my client, other attorneys and even when I interact with the judge. I also use the five core concerns in my personal life. You can grasp them in only a few minutes, yet they have a complexity to them. When you read the chapter about the ex-President of Equador you can understand how these core concerns can work on any level - personal, professional, or political. It is a must in everyone's library.

In MBA school we are taught to negeotiate with a lot of figures, charts, graphs, etc. Once all the facts are known, the decision is simple. The problem with that is two fold: 1. They are typically based on projections that may well not be true (remember the Edsel and the Convair 880). 2. They ignore the feelings of the other person involved, and feelings are very important. Sometimes (often) a decision is made that is not to the person's best interest simply because of feelings.

This book breaks down the five core emothions of feeling appreciated, alone, imposition, put down, trivialized. It covers business negeotion, but perhaps even more important is negeotiating with teens (but not two year olds), the mentally ill (ex-wives included), the drunk in a bar.

The techniques described here are given examples in buying a small item, presenting a case to the Supreme Court, to discussing border disagreements between a couple of nations. In short, we all negeotiate all the time, it works best when both parties feel that they got the best of the deal.

This book by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro has rightfully won a prize offered by the International Institute for Conflict Prevention and Resolution for the best book on negotiation. The book focuses on the important role emotions play in negotiations and offers a practical framework for dealing with them constructively. Throughout the book Fisher and Shapiro present recognizable examples, ranging for day to day situations we all encounter to political negotiations with huge impact for millions.

For me, the most interesting part of the book is were the authors explain five core concerns -- appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status and role -- and their effect on decision making. They provide sensible advice on how to use these concerns as levers to keep negotiations constructive. Here is a quote from the book giving you an example: "Perhaps the most powerful way to soothe someone's emotions is to appreciate their concerns. There are three elements in appreciating someone. You want to UNDERSTAND the other's point of view; FIND MERIT in what they are thinking, feeling, or doing; and COMMUNICATE the merit you see." I think that is a terrific way to put it!

The content of this book is one thing that makes it worthwhile. Another reason why I like it is that it is exceptionally well-structured. I like it when authors do their very best to make it as easy as possible for readers to understand their core messages. Fisher and Shapiro succeed very well in this.

Anyone who has ever conducted a negotiation knows that everyone involved is tense. Some people become so tense that they are not able to operate effectively. Other negotiators seem to have the touch for relaxing everyone and quickly reaching an agreement that everyone likes.

Fans of Getting to Yes have probably run into attorneys and negotiators who didn't want to play ball. These people may have been hostile, manipulative and short-sighted. But it's hard to reason with these parties using the Getting to Yes principles if you do not have your own emotions under control.

Beyond Reason is a much needed and valuable resource for dealing with the emotional context for negotiations.

The process for taking the initiative (express appreciation, build affiliation, respect autonomy, acknowledge status, and choose a fulfilling role) is constructive, common sense methods that anyone will feel comfortable doing. As helpful as that process is, I found the most useful advice coming in chapters 8-10 which describe how to be ready for strong emotions, being prepared for negotiations and the case history of the border dispute resolution between Ecuador and Peru.

The examples in the book are well chosen to illustrate the principles and breathe life into those concepts. Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro have a light touch that defuses your apprehension as you address this subject.

I also recommend that you read Crucial Conversations, a good complementary book on how to address strong emotions in others and yourself when they arise unexpectedly and unpleasantly.

I heard about this book from a friend in my reading group. Seven of us get together each week to discuss a novel or nonfiction. At first, I thought: "Why should I read a book on negotiation? I don't negotiate for a living?" But the book made me realize, first of all, that we negotiate all the time - whether with our kids, spouse, car salesperson, etc. What REALLY struck me, however, was the "five core concerns" they discuss. I've always been taught to hide my emotions. And this book helped me figure out how to USE my emotions in positive ways. I now approach my conversations with my husband and kids much differently. A simple book, but for me: life-changing!

At first, I thought this book was for professional negotiators, but a friend told me about the book and really found it helpful. So I thought I'd give it a shot. I am happy I did. I've found it really helpful in dealing with my husband and with our inevitable day-to-day arguments. The chapter on "autonomy" hit home -- especially the idea of the "bucket theory." We put that to use, and I've found that my husband and I now get in many fewer conflicts. (I've now recommended the book to three of my friends, who are in the middle of it right now!)

Beyond Reason is a must read. I am a high school teacher and this book hasalready helped me get the teens in my classroom to become better listeners and more engaged in their studies. (Any teacher knows that this is not always an easy task.) I used the five core concerns in dealing with my students, and the difference was amazing. The class tone became more positive. Students were more engaged. And I'm now much more sensitized to issues of autonomy, the need for appreciation, and the other ideas in the book. I've tried out the ideas with my family, and they helped there, too. Great and easy read...most helpful!

I hate it when I get sucked into an emotionally-charged argument and I feel like my mouth and feelings are totally out of control. This book does a great job in deconstructing typical arguments and examining what is happening in each step of the conversation. It helped me understand people's mindsets better, and it places me in a better position to stay calm and in control next time I have a tough conversation, while also better understanding what the other parties possibly want.

This is the long-awaited follow-up to Getting to Yes (one of Roger Fisher's previous bestsellers). Fisher basically created the entire field of negotiation. And this new book is a great follow-up. It tells you how to deal with emotions - yours and the other person's - in just about any interaction. Fisher and Shapiro highlight five ways that you can improve the tone of just about any interaction (e.g., through respecting autonomy, affiliation, status, etc.). The result is that you can get what you want. I truly believe that anybody who negotiates - whether with family, a colleague at work, or a tough counterpart - can benefit from this book. It's written in the same tone as "Getting to Yes" - i.e., you can read it in a few hours. And just like Getting to Yes, there are a few big points that are completely practical. I negotiate a lot of tough contracts as part of my job, and the ideas in this book are practical enough to use right away, and have enough depth that I know over time I'll understand them more and more...