Beyond Romance: Making Love Last [Paperback]

Robert H. Simmons PhD (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 1, 2005

Packed with insightful strategies and practical exercises, this book teaches couples necessary new skills, which will lead them to gain greater understanding of themselves, their partners and relationships.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

The glowing incandescence, the heated passion, the blazing sex of a budding love affair sometimes dwindle down to a smoldering ember, no matter how much the couple believes it will last forever. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, more than 40 percent of marriages experience the crumbling of embers into the ashes of divorce.

Are there ways to preserve and nourish the things that bring a couple together so that they will want to stay together? Can couples learn to overcome the negative friction and combustion and create a rewarding long-term partnership?

Respected couples counselor Dr. Robert H. Simmons knows that when you fall in love you cannot depend on the heady illusion called romance, but instead must make a conscious decision to gather some heavy kindling and take care of the fire burning in the hearth in order to make their relationship fulfilling and lasting. Dr. Simmons describes how committed partners can (and must) intentionally develop their relationship and how this intentional love then becomes the foundation for a profound and lasting love, sustained by commitment and rewarded by devotion, passion and joy.

In this book, packed with insightful strategies and practical exercises, couples will learn necessary new skills, which will lead them to gain greater understanding of themselves, their partners, and their relationships.

Here is a must-read for all couples, whether they are in the first stages of a new relationship or have been married many years. Moving beyond the temporary lure of romance to a rewarding long-term commitment will bring the rich, passionate partnership for which every couple yearns. Through Dr. Simmons' guidance, now couples can achieve it.

Beyond Romance: Making Love Last is divided into three parts: Part I, "The Arduous Journey," compares illusions of romantic love with marital realities and describes the disillusionment and betrayal we feel when romance fades away. It explores what Dr. Simmons terms "The Inner Family Theater," in which we--like it or not--reflect the upbringings and parental attitudes and actions that have shaped us and affect our relationships.

Part II, "The Conscious Relationship," discusses the Script, Players and Supporting Cast of "The Marital Melodrama," a cyclical dynamic that keeps us locked in place, unable to break out of the roles we think we must play with each other. Encouraging us to recognize and embrace conflict as a singular opportunity for growth and change, Dr. Simmons teaches us how to cultivate the devoted energy to transform controversy and disappointment into mutual devotion and empowerment.

Part III, "True Love's Rewards," teaches skills like developing harmony and commitment in the relationship, practicing intimacy and imparting sensuality within our day-to-day lives.

Using real-life examples of couples he has counseled, and guidance exercises called "Endeavors" at the end of each chapter, Dr. Simmons has created the ultimate guide to transforming ephemeral romantic love, which burns fast and bright and dies swiftly, into the true, lasting fire of intentional love--profound, authentic, rewarding. As Beyond Romance reveals, the path to finding and nurturing this mature and committed love begins with the acceptance that love is an intentional choice you make every day.

From the Author

More and more couples are exploring new alternatives for transforming unrewarding and unsatisfying relationships into fulfilling, intimate and life long partnerships. When two people choose each other, a great opportunity is provided for a lifelong merging and integration of two individuals. In this act, they each commit to creating a connection, a mutual devotion and a combination of energy that hopefully will offer great fulfillment and reward. When two people are attuned to each other, their movements, feelings and thoughts can diminish, and perhaps even eliminate, friction and sepratism. Yet this cannot be achieved without difficult, dedicated work--by both partners together and by each one individually. When individuals are willing to do the dedicated work that needs to be undertaken, each partner will feel connected, empowered, and capable of creating a mature and lasting love.

Couples reading this book will come to understand that a relationship is a developmental journey--a journey they can take either consciously or unconsciously. The unconscious journey leads to disaster. The conscious journey is challenging and exciting and leads to a mutually rewarding future.

This book will teach couples how they may effectively transform controversy into mutual devotion and empowerment. The journey begins with the acceptance that love is an intentional choice you make every day.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: New Horizon Press (February 1, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0882822551
• ISBN-13: 978-0882822556
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #921,045 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Toolbox for Repairing Relationship Struggles, February 7, 2005

By 

Watson Davis (LA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Beyond Romance: Making Love Last (Paperback)

The most important aid in solving relatiohship struggles has been discovering the broad ideas which allow you to see your own issues as parts of a more easily understood whole. This little gem contains bite sized nuggets of wisdom that give you that "ah ha!" feeling, allowing an easy grasp of the insight or explanation for the problem it connects to. The writing is crisp, with apt words of wisdom from the ages to illuminate, great concrete examples and down-to-earth tools that work. It is a user-friendly but profoundly helpful, informative, and very readable support-system for couples.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Understanding the hidden threads that move us within our relationships, August 1, 2005

By 

Gabriela Ortiz Monasterio (Morelia, Mich. Mexico) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Beyond Romance: Making Love Last (Paperback)

I was deeply moved reading Dr. Simmons' book. It clearly shows how the way we have been brought up can leave deep imprints within each human being that will condition the way each one of us relates to other people later in life, affecting very specially our relationships with our partners in ways that are usually hidden to our unconscious.

This in turn will condition each couple's children adding to the already complicated generational chain of pain that is usually blindly passed down onto the next generation, without having a clue as to why relationships are so difficult to deal with, when it could be a wonderful opportunity for growth instead if each partner is aware of his/her own childhood conditionings and the way we so often repeat the patterns that we were taught within our Family Dinamics.

I found it a wonderful tool to understand the way this conditions each one of us to make decisions about the way we regard the world and our relationships and how these decisions that are the core of our Inner Family Theater play a huge role in the way we act out on our respective partners, all the unresolved inner pain that often goes completely unnoticed and much less understood by us, that can lead to very painful and sick games between partners and eventually to a complete break up.

I not only loved the book, but could actually understand the way I had myself acted out many things within my own failed marriage and how my then husband did the same. Sadly, none of us could understand this and seek the help we so badly needed. It was like a mourning process for me, while at the same time a wonderfully hopefull reading that showed me a different way of building a deeply loving relationship.

So I would highly recomend this wonderful book to any person who wanted to truly build a deeply committed and loving relationship and to understand the reasons why our unresolved inner pain can hurt and even destroy our relationships.
The practical exercises are a great tool as well

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Thank you Dr . Simmons, February 7, 2005

By 

M. Cowan (Morro Bay, CA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Beyond Romance: Making Love Last (Paperback)

This book is a real marriage saver! Dr. Simmons' insightful and easy to understand concepts about the hidden baggage that we bring into relationships have helped us learn how to keep our marriage off auto pilot. The book spells out the common illusions about how we think marriage is "supposed to be," and replaces those with real-life truths about what we can expect from each other and from our marriage. The exercises were great, and they helped us understand why we sometimes act and react the way we do. We now have reasonable and fulfillable expectations, and we know that making the intentional choice to love each other is the key to making our love last.