Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How To Help Your Children Become Cooperative, Caring and Compassionate [Hardcover]

Peter Goldenthal Ph.D. (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 10, 1999

A new way to look at sibling rivalry that sees children's relationships with each other in the context of the family as a whole. This is the first book to incorporate the latest thinking regarding family relationships as important contexts in which sibling relationships develop. Unlike other books that insist that conflicts among siblings reflect jealousy and a longing for parents' undivided attention, Dr. Goldenthal asserts that all family relationships have a bearing on rivalry between brothers and sisters--not only their relationship with each other but their relationship with their parents, and even their parents' relationships with their parents. Through examples of many different types of problem family situations, he gives practical guidelines and tools for solving common and not-so-common sibling conflicts. He shows parents of young children how to institute child-rearing practices that will prevent or at least diminish future sibling conflicts, and he provides strategies for reducing friction and stress among children when they arise.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Yes, your children can have better relationships than you and your siblings did, says author Peter Goldenthal. In Beyond Sibling Rivalry, Goldenthal, a practicing psychologist specializing in sibling and family relationships, provides thoughtful and informative theory and practice for easing this challenging element of family life. In many ways, Beyond Sibling Rivalry is a general positive-parenting text that teaches parents to learn their child's needs by paying attention to the child. Yet, for specific examples and issues, Goldenthal focuses on sibling relationships. In 12 chapters, the book moves from predictable and preventable conflicts (preparing a child for a sibling's arrival, conflicts about sharing, and knowing when to intervene) to rivalry's more challenging issues (such as recognizing it in all its forms and compensating for the challenges that ADHD brings into the home).

Goldenthal bases his approach largely on famed psychiatrist Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy's contextual theory--an approach that considers the entire family as the context for the sibling relationship and focuses on issues of fairness and justice to help resolve them. Goldenthal stresses the parental role in creating and encouraging sibling rivalry, encourages readers to examine their own sibling relationships, and teaches them how to stop encouraging competition between children by acknowledging individual talents and skills without comparison. Beyond Sibling Rivalry is a hopeful and proactive book. Goldenthal believes the ultimate cure for sibling rivalry is self-esteem and generosity, and the final chapters focus on facilitating empathy and altruism in your kids. --Ericka Lutz

From Publishers Weekly

Rather than focusing only on how to handle specific bouts between siblings, Goldenthal, a Philadelphia-area family psychologist, covers a wider scope, exploring how sibling conflict can be diminished or avoided altogether. Goldenthal explains how sibling rivalry can be exacerbated by many aspects of a child's life?problems at school, poor self-esteem, difficulties with friends, parents who compare siblings or criticize and the stress of trying to measure up to parents' expectations held over from their own childhood, to name just a few. Parents will be reassured to learn that their children can be encouraged to be empathetic toward one another and that simple tactics, such as the use of verbal praise or small rewards to reinforce positive behavior, can help waylay aggressive behavior among sibs. Goldenthal explains how and when to appropriately use rewards; without placing blame, he also reveals how parental behavior can unwittingly contribute to sibling conflict. The author looks beyond immediate who-did-what explanations to deeper connections and causes within the family. Goldenthal's suggestions on how to build healthy family relationships will be useful to parents who feel they are now at the mercy of their children's squabbles. While the writing is sometimes awkward and the text is overloaded with wordy case studies, Goldenthal's work gives clear-cut guidance for parents struggling to facilitate harmony among their children.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 246 pages
• Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.; 1st edition (February 10, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0805056882
• ISBN-13: 978-0805056884
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.6 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,759,606 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

39 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Not bad  but content in other books is more groundbreaking!, May 22, 2001

By 

Nature Mom w/ 2 children + EE & Management de... (Massachusetts USA) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How To Help Your Children Become Cooperative, Caring and Compassionate (Paperback)

The book jacket claims content to be a "groundbreaking look at sibling rivalry". But with subjects like "recognize and highlight each child's unique abilities and interests" and "use rewards and praise to encourage your children to be more cooperative", the book fell way short of my expectations for new or groundbreaking ideas.

Although not alluded to in the title, the book "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Krucinka also addresses many sibling issues by helping families understand each other's temperament and communicate more effectively. A favorite section shows how to say or do things differently to avoid enraging others (i.e. a child who transitions easily may announce he's done playing and move on to the next game...leaving the slower-to-transition playmate in tears or outraged because there was no warning). She also offers tips to help children change their "bulldozing statements" (often button-pushing ones like "I'm not inviting you to my party!" or "Shut up!") into statements that persuade others to listen ("I didn't like what you said" or "I'd like a choice"). I'd recommend that book or "Siblings Without Rivalry" by Faber & Mizlash instead of "Beyond Sibling Rivalry".

20 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The best parenting book I have ever read!, February 14, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How To Help Your Children Become Cooperative, Caring and Compassionate (Hardcover)

What I really like about Beyond Sibling Rivalry is that the examples in the book really hit home. Peter Goldenthal's suggestions were quite easy to follow. In the past week I have used some of his suggestions and I've noticed what a difference they make. Our children have been so much more helpful and nice to each other. It's a joy to watch! I recommend this book to every parent. It's probably the only parenting book you will ever need to read.

15 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Our children are so much nicer to each other, March 8, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How To Help Your Children Become Cooperative, Caring and Compassionate (Hardcover)

When I read the chapter about predictable and preventable sibling conflicts, the author wrote as if he had placed a camera in our home. So many of the situations were familiar to me. This book is an easy read for a busy mom, and the suggestions have been right on target.