Customer Reviews

Beyond Time-Out: From Chaos to Calm

5 star:		(31)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

I too, have read all of these reviews - loving and hating this book. I can see why some of the reviews are so negative, as I don't think this book is for everyone. But one review in particular caught my attention - the one stating that this book is only for neurotypical kids. I wholeheartedly disagree and will tell how this book changed our family - for the better.

I turned to this book because I have an atypical child, and I was at my wits end with the power struggles that were happening in our house. My older son (now 8) is the poster child for ADHD. He is emotionally intense, physically exhausting and incredibly smart. He has been diagnosed with Aspberger's, but is extremely high functioning and attends mainstream school. My 4 year old is your basic typical child, with typical and age appropriate behavior. My 8 year old was still tantruming, screaming to get his way, crying, throwing things, etc., at the time I found this book.

After reading just the 1st chapter, I began to realize that I was attributing my son's behavior to his issues - rather than my parenting style, or should I say, lack of consistency thereto! I realized that not only was I the "permissive" parent, but I was also the "authoritarian" parent. At times, being way too permissive - almost intimidated by his tantrums - and at other times, laying down the law - like a drill sargent - barking orders out of frustration!

This book literally opened my eyes to just how much power my husband and I were giving away to our 8 year old - and how that was truly affecting the way we interacted with each other.

We decided to give the strategies in this book a try and began our trial period, during the last few weeks of summer, before school started. I predicted that I would be met with some resistance - so I made sure not to schedule too many out of the house activities.

The first week was tough - there were days where my older son would end up going to his room 5-6 times a day. There were days where he reacted very violently to me being so consistent - and at first, I had reservations about doing the "parent hold" - but having to only do it twice, and realizing the remarkable changes that were taking place right before my eyes - I continued with the process. It took about 2 full weeks for us to all get things under control - but I will tell you - after about the first 3-4 days of our "new plan" - I noticed changes in my 8 year old that I NEVER thought were possible!

Today - I rarely have to ask him twice to do things - and we have had maybe one or two tantrums in the last 3 months, as opposed to one or two a day!! His level of respect for me and my husband has changed dramatically, as has our level of respect for him and each other. We are now calm and direct in our approach to discipline. We don't squelch his spirit or his individualness and we certainly allow him plenty of room for him to just be him - for both of our boys, to have their spirit and express themselves - but we now require that they treat us respectfully, and likewise we do the same for them.

This book offers very tangible processes for parents who are engaged in having power struggles with their kids. There's nothing "new" or "gimmicky" about the techniques offered, they're just plain and simple.

I think the title is a bit deceiving and not quite right for this book - the author's form of discipline actually does involve some "time out" - but not in the traditional sense as most of us know it. At first I thought, how is putting either of my sons in their room, where all of their toys are going to be, any kind of discipline tool - but since following through each time - they've come to know it more as a regrouping to come back and cooperate as opposed to a "punishment." All I can say is - it works.

Being the mother of an extremely challenging child has it's own set of unique issues - this book has really helped me stay calm, focused and purposeful in my requests. It has helped my child tremendously because he now knows exactly what to expect and we no longer have the power struggles we've had in the many years past.

I wish this book had more specifics for homework issues/help - maybe the author will come out with a follow-up!

If your library has this book - check it out before paying full price. It may not be your style - but for some of us, this book can truly be life changing.

As a pediatrician, I found "Beyond Time-Out" to be an extremely well-written and insightful guide to child-rearing. Its particular emphasis on providing appropriate discipline while still communicating unconditional love - a crucial but very difficult balance for many families to achieve - will be of great benefit to parents and their children alike.

This absorbing book gives you a perfect script for dealing with every imaginable situation when dealing with children. Absolutely invaluable for anyone with a child in their life - parents, grandparents, extended family - makes it all so easy. And the best part -- it works! Should be required reading!

As a grandparent I could only wish I had this book when I was parenting. My kids will all get copies because this smart book is the most sensible, clear and effective exposition about how our current generation of children have gotten out of control and what can be done about it. I taught parenting courses on the University level in the 70's and 80's. All that advice about listening to kids, building self esteem, empathizing with children's feelings, and creating democratic families has become distorted to the point where we've gone overboard as a culture in letting our kids take the reins in family affairs. My own grandchild, age 7, recently said that when it comes to family problems, "I can't fix things. That's for the adults to do. I am only a kid." This book puts things back into perspective and gets right to the point of how to save these little people from being victims of having too much power to make decisions and choices that are way beyond their developmental abilities and experience. The PLAN OF ACTION outlined here, makes the parents responsible for guiding children who need to know that someone with wisdom and experience is in charge of their welfare. This is a "must" for anyone who takes their job of parenting seriously.

I am a grandmother of the "old school" of child-rearing (i.e. before the baby-boomer generation!) I have two children in their early forties who
have 5 daughters between them. Some of my granddaughters have had behavioral issues which involved both going to bed and in whose bed they would sleep,(i.e., their bed or their parent's!) This "problem with sleeping" led ME to purchase this excellent book on parenting, although the sleeping issues seem to have resolved themselves... I read the book from cover to cover learning how to approach several issues involving today's young children. The interesting and very well-documented behavioral problems stem from the "imbalance of family power" (IFP), an issue many families face today because their children are "running the household" and the parents have lost complete control of their lives due to the amount of time they spend trying to discipline their children, both inside the house and out in public. The authors reveal a step-by-step procedure to "cure" this IFP called "The Ladder". Some of the many "issues" written about are: eating problems, toileting problems and discipline problems.

The book is exceedingly well written and is a MUST for parents (both couples and single parents) who are concerned about their children's behavior and how it affects the parents' lives as well as their children's.

As a therapist and as a mother, I believe this book is fantastic! It offers real world, straightforward advice on how to better manage children's difficult behaviors. Absolutely five stars. A timely book, indeed.

I found this book to be very helpful in my parenting. I think what it does very effectively is to help parents realize how to restructure things to avoid getting to the point of needing to use time-out.
The book had great in-depth discussions and examples of how parents create situations or even a whole environment that is only going to lead to chaos for all involved. As the author points out, parents have transferred too much power to their children and this, combined with a lack of clear limits, only overwhelms them and leads to out of control or unacceptable behavior. I also really appreciated the discussion of the "types of parenting styles" (you'll see yourself in at least one).
The five step-program (the ladder) is very sensible and focuses on action and staying calm. Maybe the book could have been called Before and Beyond Time-Out, because the author's goal is for parents not to have to get to a point where repeated, useless time-outs are necessary. Parenting in the "sweet spot" is the goal and I think the author helps show parents how to get there.

Hands down the best parenting book ever. This book will totally change the way parents raise their kids in the 21st century. Thanks to Dr. Grosshans and her ladder technique, we no longer have an imbalance of family power in our house.

This book is a must have reference for parents. Whether you have 1, 2 or 5 kids, finally a book that gives you the language you need to get your children to be better listeners, better sleepers, better behaved all around. This book teaches you to stop the empty threats; advises you to stop the constant reasoning and explaining to your kids; lets you know what type of parent you are and how to change bad habits; and most importantly teaches you step by step what words to use for effective parenting. The results are AMAZING. You will become a calm, matter of fact parent instead of an out of control frustrated parent. Stop the madness and teach and lead your kids by example into respectful, self controlled and happy behavior.

Finally someone has addressed a growing problem! This book is different than anything you have read! Dr Grosshands explains why there is a problem with child and parental behavior and gives SPECIFIC advise about what to do about it with specific tools. How I wish I had this book 30 years ago! Child and Parent behavior has only gotten worse since then. EVERY parent should read this book!!