Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way [Hardcover]

Ron Jackson Suresha (Editor), Pete Chvany (Editor)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 5, 2006

A moving and pioneering celebration of the male bisexual self that addresses biphobia in our society

In today’s sexual world, both straight and gay and lesbian communities still often refuse to accept the reality of bisexuality. Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way confronts head-on the limiting views that bisexuality is a transitional phase of sexual evolution or a simple refusal to accept being either homosexual or straight. This pioneering collection of moving personal essays by bisexual men and those who love them explores what it means to be bisexual in today’s monosexually oriented society.

The millennial shift in sexual perspectives draws more and more men to come out as being attracted to both women and men. Bisexual and bi-curious men will find comfort and camaraderie in these stories about coming out, its impact on family and marriage, evolving perspectives on bisexuals within the LGBT community, and the building of acceptance and affirmation for bisexuality and polyamory.

The nearly three dozen essays in Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way are told in the honest words of bisexuals, confirming the validity of their place in the world while illustrating that there are more bi men than anyone ever realized. These diverse and pioneering men’s stories reveal a long-disguised and unconventional truth—that bisexuality is a valid lifestyle that does not threaten either sexual camp. Each contributor to this collection affirms the innate fluidity of self, sexuality, family, and community, and proclaims that sexuality is truly diverse in its predispositions and creativity.

Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way separates its essays into four parts:

• coming out and personal realization of bisexual nature
  
• bisexuality’s effects on family and marriage
  
• an examination of the shifting viewpoints of bisexuality within gay communities
  
• ways in which bisexuals can affirm and respect their own desires and celebrate their sexual selves

These intimate stories address:

• biphobia
  
• monosexual prejudice
  
• the impact on marriage
  
• family issues
  
• coming out to self, spouse, and family
  
• political and community issues
  
• religious and spiritual concerns

Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way is a vibrant, reassuring call to bisexuals, the bi-curious, or anybody who knows and loves a bisexual/bi-curious man, to read and more completely understand the unique issues of being bisexual while providing the ultimate affirmation of bisexuality’s existence.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"A must-read, this book is sure to be the standard for years to come." -- Les K. Wright, PhD, Independent Scholar, Author, and Gay Activist; Editor of The Bear Book and The Bear Book II; Founder of the Bear History Project

"Helped open my eyes to a world that, for me, is difficult to understand, and it will help me further empathize with the struggles my clients are facing in regards to defining their own sexuality. . . . Easy to read for the clinician and the non-clinician alike and can be given to those struggling with their sexuality at almost any age. . . . A BOOK EVERY CLINICIAN SHOULD READ." -- Division 44 Newsletter

"Not since Male Lust have I found a men's book I so enjoyed." -- Loraine Hutchins, PhD, Co-editor of Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out

"The collection is structured in sections that model the actual coming out process: self-discovery; revelation of self to spouse and family; connecting with the community; and self-affirmation. . . . A BROAD CROSS-SECTION OF THE MALE BISEXUAL EXPERIENCE." -- The Gay & Lesbian Review

A MOVING AND PIONEERING CELEBRATION OF THE MALE BISEXUAL SELF that addresses biphobia in our society. . . . Confronts head-on the limiting views that bisexuality is a transitional phase or sexual evolution or a simple refusal to accept being either homosexual or straight. . . . EXPLORES WHAT IT MEANS TO BE BISEXUAL IN TODAY'S MONOSEXUALLY ORIENTED SOCIETY. . . . Bisexual and bi-curious men will find comfort and camaraderie in these stories about coming out, its impact on family and marriage, evolving perspectives on bisexuals within the LGBT community, and the building of acceptance and affirmation for bisexuality and polyamory -- Menstuff

Bisexual men coming out of gayness, Mormons, Pennsylvania Dutch, Celtics, Canadians, Aussies, Southern Californians, new Orleans decadents, bicultural Bears, incarcerated bis, married dads, swingers and cross-dressers, female-to-male trans men; so many beautiful bi guys--wow and oh my! Not since Male Lust have I found a men's book I so enjoyed. The high school youth touched my heart most; I wish they were my sons! Bi Men is AN IMPRESSIVE COLLECTION that brings together many new voices describing their most intimate experiences as bisexual men as well as excellent reprinted material from classic sources. The sum total is A MAGNIFICENT ANTIDOTE TO BI-HATRED AND IGNORANCE, especially as has been seen lately in the mainstream media. -- Loraine Hutchins, PhD, Co-editor of Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out

In my work as a psychotherapist in private practice for over twenty-five years I have come to believe that bisexuality, though often latent, is far more prevalent than ever believed with truly homo- and hetero-oriented people being small minorities at opposite ends of a long spectrum. Sexual orientation is more fluid than we like to think and is much more complex than simple genital arousal. THIS BRAVE ANTHOLOGY PRESENTS BISEXUALITY IN DAZZLING ARRAY, with many diverse points of view well articulated. -- Franklin Abbott, LCSW, Editor of Men and Intimacy and Boyhood: Growing Up Male

Product Details

• Hardcover: 356 pages
• Publisher: Harrington Park Press; 1 edition (January 5, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1560236140
• ISBN-13: 978-1560236146
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 6 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.6 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,111,670 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Ron J. Suresha grew up in and around Detroit. For two decades he worked as a freelance proofreader and editor for publishers of Eastern religious and spiritual books. Suresha is the editor of two acclaimed nonfiction anthologies, Bi Men: Coming Out (Haworth/Routledge, 2006, with P. Chvany), and Bisexual Perspectives on the Life and Work of Alfred C. Kinsey (Routledge, 2010), both finalists for the Lambda Literary Award. He also authored a self-published beverage recipé book, Mugs o' Joy: Delicious Hot Drinks. His spiritual travels have included pilgrimages to India, Israel, and Istanbul. He serves as acquisitions editor for the Bear Bones Books imprint of Lethe Press, and on the editorial board for Journal of Bisexuality. Suresha lives in Connecticut with his husband.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Seminal reading for the bisexual male, May 16, 2006

By 

M Anthony (NYC) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way (Hardcover)

BI MEN is an excellent, wide-ranging introduction to the bi male psyche. Despite its somewhat scholastic format (it was published as a double issue of the Journal of Bisexuality, and the publisher retained elements such as chapter keywords and abstracts usually not present in trade books), is a moving collection of coming-out stories by bi men from a wide variety of perspectives, as well as several non-bi male contributions. As in most anthologies, there is some unevenness in quality of writing, but overall the book is quite readable and successful in its attempt to present the actual lived experience of the bi man in all its complexity.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Nothing Like It!, June 16, 2008

By 

M. Rathburn (Ventura County, CA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way (Hardcover)

This book has been the most helpful book out there helping me understand what is gong on with my bisexual husband. All other books have been condemning and negative regarding married couples.

Suresha does an excellent job showcasing all different men in an humanistic light. I highly recommend this book for both women and men interested in finding out more about male bisexuality.

11 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Male Version of "Closer to Home", March 27, 2006

By 

Jeffery Mingo (Homewood, IL USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way (Hardcover)

The chapters in this anthology are well-edited and not repetitive. One can easily appreciate the individuality, self-searching, and insight of these men. I love my monosexuality, but I can accept that these men call themselves bisexual.

This book won't scare off monosexually gay men. This book is filled with Kinsey 5's to Kinsey 3's, but no Kinsey 1's. In other words, these men are mostly gay. They may come out to their wives and start getting down with men, but no essay (that I remember) had a man leaving his guy for a woman. This book has many men who are out to everyone, have primary male partners, but just want to accept their wholeness. These are not the guys that some monosexually-identified gay men fear. This may be a shortcoming of the book in that not all types of bisexual men are presented. However, this absence may be what allows complete gays to be comfortable with the work.

One editor's essay is gloomy and the other editor's is comedic. I wonder if the first editor worked on the sadder pieces and the second editor on the funnier ones. The first editor has previous books on bears. The essayists here go out of their way to praise hairy men and chubby men. I doubt a prerequisite for a bisexual male identity is to like bears, thus I assume the first editor was partial to those writers that liked bears. Bisexual men that do not like bears may be put off by all the bear-chasing and -praising in the book.

From the start, the editors apologize that the book has no entries from African-American men. Given the works of Elias Farajaje-Jones or the fact that the first African-American gay fictional story actually involved a bisexual protagonist, this absence is quite shocking. I think the way the editors compensated for this was to have a Black man on the cover. I celebrate that diversity, but I wonder if some men will think, "This is not a book for men who like women and men across the spectrum: this is a book for men who like women and Black men exclusively." The chapter that has an Asian-American subject involves a teen. I wish an Asian-American adult could have had a chapter. Some say that men have one type of lover in the US and a different type in their natal countries. This would have been an interesting way to explore male bisexuality but it didn't come up. Like many gay or women's anthologies, all the entries from other countries come from predominately white nations. I wish there could have been a voice of color from a developing country here.

I think bisexual male readers will like this book. I also think that monosexuals could show their support by giving this book to bisexual male peers as a gift.